Paranoid

This is one of the worst "movies" you'll ever see. There is a very good reason that it went straight to video, because it's just plain awful. I wouldn't recommend this to someone I really hated, I don't hate anyone that badly. The story is as terrible as the directing, and only the acting is worse. Alba is just awful here and will set new lows in movie performances that will make Luke Skywalker look like a god. The movie's plot isn't worth mentioning because after the first few minutes you won't care. It's about 90 minutes but seems like the Titanic revisited. Don't see this for Alba, just don't see it and do yourself a favor.

I consider myself to be an average movie-goer. Some films may take a few minutes to figure out AFTER you've seen it and those kinds of films are my faves.

"Paranoid" is COMPLETELY devoid of ANY plot of ANY kind. I recently rented this movie for the love of seeing the stunning Jessica Alba. I won't go into detail but just know this: NOTHING gets solved in this movie. It's supposed to be a psychological thriller, so where's the suspense? The intrigue? Or even the PLOT?

Jessica's character is entrapped in a basement for "something" and we NEVER find out what exactly for! There are around 6-7 sub-plots that occur and NOTHING ever gets explained about why they happened! All the characters are completely DEVOID of personality, even the talented Ewen Bremner stalls the movie. Jessica herself is ALWAYS great to look at and it's easy to tell that she is trying her damndest to look like a tortured soul in this mediocre role.

Throughout the entire film, she gives a sour look on her face and never looks back. And to all of you who rented this film because of Jessica's nipple slip, YES, there is one but it is NOT the one in the beginning of the film. Anyway, the other players like Jeanne Tripplehorne, 14-year old Mischa Barton, and Iain Glen (who later starred as the villain in the Tomb Raider flick) really bog down this film. They are SO one-dimensional that you fall asleep as they try to look and act dastardly.

Here's a good example: Iain's character decides to suffocate Jessica's character with a large see-through plastic as she is handcuffed to the bed. Jessica writhes in horror as we see him try to "kill" her. A few seconds later he removes the plastic and says "YEAH! You nearly lost control there, didn't you?" This is another sub-plot that happens and is NEVER explained. AARRGGH!!! And while we're on the subject of disastrous, never-explained subplots, I'll bite the bullet and actually reveal them all right here!

--SUBPLOT #1: Jessica's character loathes her profession and what she's become. This is addressed a few times in the movie but never touched on again.

--SUBPLOT #2: Jessica's character has dual boyfriends. Both are musicians with really sketchy pasts and with really dull plot twists.

--SUBPLOT #3: Jessica's character has a voyeur neighbor who spies on her and gives her gratuitous phone calls. He later becomes integral to the last act of the film but we never find out the who, what, and why of this character. AARRGHH!!

--SUBPLOT #4: In the middle of the film, Iain's character imprisons Jessica for watching a videotape. But a few scenes later, we "find out" that he imprisoned her for something else and we NEVER know why!

--SUBPLOT #5: We find out later in the film that one of Jessica's boyfriend is married (to one of the ladies from "Couplings"). The wife stops by the lodge and sort of brings conflict for a few scenes and then disappears for the rest of the film.

--SUBPLOT #6: What the hell is up with Mischa Barton's character? I can't even begin to describe how useless her character and her own subplot was!

--SUBPLOT #7: Ewen Bremner brings a creepy presence in the film. He does a sort of okay job portraying the straight character. He videotapes everything in the lodge but we never know why!

--SUBPLOT #8: When Jessica first arrives in the lodge, she settles into her room and is being spied on through a sort of "Psycho" peephole. We see this camera trick once or twice and then that's it! We never know who it is or the significance of this peephole.

--SUBPLOT #9: Iain and Jeanne Tripplehorne's characters grill Jessica about her profession. We learn of Jessica's disgust and her lack of control of her life. And then...we never hear about it again.

--SUBPLOT #10: Jessica takes a few pills in the film. Supposedly, this habit leads to her downfall but like the other subplots...never gets mentioned or seen again.

I could go on and on and on with all the B.S. subplots but I think we all know one thing: many subplots DO NOT equal a plot!

In case I haven't mentioned it yet, this film BLOWS! It was a chance to see sexy Jessica strut her stuff and it was a complete waste. To see a more sexy Jessica, go rent "The Sleeping Dictionary". It isn't as bad as "Paranoid" but at least she shines in that film.

Avoid renting this film unless you are a VERY eager Jessica Alba fan. And just in advance: My apologies if you had to endure "Paranoid".

My used VHS copy of "Paranoid" made an immediate bad impression. It is a bad sign when you pick up a used VHS and find that it has "not" been rewound from a point midway into the movie. There is a very good chance that the last viewer got so disgusted by that point that they just bailed out and traded the thing in without even bothering to fast forward to the ending. Bad impression #2 came when I discovered the poor audio quality and tried to activate the subtitles-the tape does not have this feature (nor does the DVD version). Subtitles are added after the final cut in post-production. They represent a modest additional expense so when they are missing from post-1996 movies it is because the producers were so unimpressed with the final product that they were already trying to cut their losses.

That said "Paranoid" is not as bad as most commentary would lead you to believe. This is a psychological thriller that borrows heavily from "Rear Window" and "The Collector". Unfortunately, the generally good cast is hampered by the limited talents of Jessica Alba, who not only looks the part of a fashion model, but exhibits the expected thespian skills of most fashion models (insert Kathy Ireland here).

Although the distributors promote the movie as if the title refers to Chloe's (Alba) mindset, it actually is a reference to main captor Stan's (Iain Glen) delusions. These pass for irony as his damage control measures transform a minor and easily concealed crime into a high stakes situation. Although we are told at one point that Stan's last name is Kowalski and wait patiently for him to scream "Stella", director John Duigan somehow resists the temptation to go there.

The just-under-the-surface depravity of the household is masked by the presence of a deaf child, nicely played by Mischa Barton. Barton gives a subtle non-verbal performance as the movie's only totally sympathetic character. Unfortunately, Duigan's script does not explore her motivations or how she has remained uncorrupted despite growing up in this environment. Instead the character is just an ethereal presence, helping to advance the story line but too distanced to really connect with the audience. Interestingly, when her parents "sign" to her they also say the words. Given the poor audio quality and inaudible dialogue it would have been useful for all the characters to "sign" their lines (after a few minutes of "Paranoid's" audio everyone can relate better to a deaf child).

Also helping to advance the story line is Kevin Whately who plays the Jimmy Stewart "Rear Window" character. He perfectly plays a voyeur who is the only one who genuinely cares for Chloe's wellbeing. He cares enough to risk exposure in order to save her. But in attempting to illustrate his binocular observations of Chloe's apartment the folks in post-production not only added the silly black circles around the binocular image but desaturated all the color from these views-duh! Duigan is such a poor storyteller and his direction so laid back that he does generate any tension or suspense. But "Paranoid" is more tiring than boring, as you have to stay focused and work hard just to decipher what is happening in each scene. There are simply too many characters here and they are too unconventional, Duigan does not come close to giving us even one fully developed character. A good director would have used behaviors to complement dialogue but Duigan is too focused on style to provide any substance.

The movie has good production design style and a fair number of nice visual moments. Like the unexpected and very sudden change in Chloe's situation when Stan slips the handcuffs on her wrist. And later when Gordon (Ewen Bremer) seemingly brings a tray of toast to the handcuffed Chloe and then casually eats it himself without even offering it to her.

Even if you can follow what is supposed to be the final twist (Chloe's photographer boyfriend is the obsessive phone caller but Duigan's slips this revelation in so poorly that few will comprehend what he is showing), you just don't care because there so little character development or foreshadowing that it has no emotional impact.

The stressed top model Chloe (Jessica Alba) is invited by an acquaintance to a dinner party with some friends of him in a house far from London. She faints and when she wakes up, everybody has left the house but the owner Stan (Ian Glen) and his weird family. She decides to stay until the next morning, but during the night she finds that the group indeed abducted her to use and tape her in sexual orgy.

What a weird and bizarre movie this "Paranoid" is! I am a fan of Jessica Alba, but she is simply awful, with one of the most ridiculous face and performance I have ever seen on screen. I liked the rude but definitely perfect definition of another user about her expression: "seems related to a struggle with constipation". The story has also a huge inconsistency, with a very bad direction and screenplay. Last but not the least, the Brazilian cable television NET summarizes in their crap magazine that "a woman is stalked in a haunted house after having troubles with her car". The same happens in the IMDb Plot Outline: "A young woman is stranded at a mysterious lodge after her car crashes nearby." What movie are they referring to? My vote is five.

Title (Brazil): "A Casa do Mal" ("The House of Evil")

Alba fans be warned: This review contains the odd spoiler.

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica... (sigh). Those almond-shaped eyes, pillowy lips, wavy dark hair, strokeable olive skin, utterly perfect body, cute speaking voice, tight flawless behind... Like Cindy Crawford, Rosanna Arquette and Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba is one of those women who occupies a very special place in my affections. If only "Paranoid" was as appealing as she is.

Made by Sky Pictures (and sad proof that Sky is not the HBO of Britain), John Duigan's thrill-less thriller casts the gorgeous and sexy Jessica as an American model doing some work in London, who's plagued by a stalker, on good terms with her ex, and is persuaded to spend some time at a friend's house in the country, only to find that said house is seemingly entirely populated by weirdos (Iain Glen, Ewen Bremner, Jeanne Tripplehorn etc). The only interesting aspect of the movie not related to Miss Alba's charms is that our heroine is perpetually surrounded by weirdos even when she doesn't know it.

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

Her flat in London is spied on by a neighbour (Kevin Whately) who, though basically a stalker (he found her address book and thus started to be fascinated by her), is ultimately the one who rescues her from death in the end. Unfortunately they never meet, thereby denying us the closest thing we'll get to a "Dark Angel"/"Inspector Morse" crossover. But the last scene (revealing the identity of the phantom phone caller) indicates the poor girl still has her share of creeps in her life, without even knowing it.

WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REVIEW, STILL IN PROGRESS.

"Paranoid" does occasionally successfully conjure up an edgy, pervy atmosphere, and the cast does try their best, but the low budget and the off-key writing and directing from Duigan (on unfamiliar territory here, literally because he's Australian and figuratively considering his far superior dramas "The Year My Voice Broke," "Flirting" and "Sirens") defuse any impact. Jessica's performance is even more sullen and depressed than her character is supposed to be... and her lack of energy is certainly shared by the viewer. (Why she and Jeanne Tripplehorn were in this movie is beyond me. In fact, why ANYONE was in it is beyond me.) Unexciting and occasionally unpleasant, anti-Murdoch advocates ("See the kind of tosh Rupert puts out?"), Kevin Whately devotees and die-hard Alba fans are the only ones who need apply.

By the way, note the mocked-up "FHM" cover that she appears on at one point. Jessica has never done the famed lad mag in real life, an oversight I demand be corrected forthwith.