Golfballs!

If you want to see a funny golf movie, rent Caddyshack again. Other than some soft-core nudity, this is a movie without any redeeming qualities. Rich vs. poor golf clubs, haven't I seen this before? At least Chevy Chase and Rodney Dangerfield had swings that looked like they actually play golf when they're not making movies. The so-called pro's in this movie look like they've never picked up a club in their lives before. The cart wash sequence is a total rip-off of the Bikini Car Wash movies. Don't waste your time or money!

This movie fails on every single level it strives to attain. I just rented this sucker, trying to see if I could find a high-quality T&A flick in the tradition of "Porky's" and "Hardbodies." Disappointment does not begin to measure how I feel about this movie.

First off, the "plot" is too ridiculous for words. The movie starts as a blatant rip-off of "Caddyshack" and quickly proceeds downhill. Not that you rent this movie for plot -- you rent it for hooters and, ideally, a good simulated sex scene or two.

This movie does have some quality D-cups, although a couple of the most promising sets remain covered the entire flick. The highlight of the flick is the willingness of the blonde physics student to reveal her assets at the various points where the plot is going absolutely nowhere. (Incidentally, the one good joke in the flick puts this bimbo on a college campus reading a heavy text called, "The Law of Physics" -- there's just one?)But the flaw is in the execution -- she could have gone bareback so much more! After you've seen a babe take it all off, why have include scenes where she dramatically strips down to her bathing suit? Chests like hers are the reason we rent the movie -- don't scrimp.

The most ludicrous part of this movie is the scheme for saving the bad golf course -- a nude cart wash. Apparently, this golf course just happened to have a spare car wash lying around, perfectly equipped for buxom babes to get the customers into a high lather. I've been to dozens of golf courses -- these don't exist. Why not just make another car wash movie? Why was this set at a golf course? Just groan and bear it.

The most frustrating part of the flick is the lack of "romance." We get to see the babes pose, dance, and flirt, but we don't get to see any of the lucky guys become so. It's a guilty pleasure, but guys rent flicks like this to see average guys bag colossal babes. This movie doesn't let us witness the crowning effort of these movies.

A great sin. Don't rent the movie -- go to your neighborhood hot oil wrestling bar instead.

This could be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Just because you are making a trashy exploitative ripoff of CADDYSHACK doesn't mean it has to be this bad. I mean, think about it. All you had to do was make a better film than CADDYSHACK 2. I like topless women as much as the next guy, but with my porn mags, my personal porn videos, my local porn video store...well, heck, you gotta come up with some kind of interesting story (or coherence) to support those breast shots if it's gonna be softcore. GOLFBALLS fails on every level:from the farting dog to the Nude Cart Wash back to the non-suspenseful golf game that comprises the finale. The outtakes over the end credits are funnier than the movie itself. I'm not kidding. Avoid like the plague.

the owners of a down on it's luck golf course facing a mortgage foreclosure and being taken over by the snobby golf club next door do what comes naturally in these type of movies: get a bevy of girls (with more combined plastic in them than a Tupperware party) to saunter around frequently topless. This of course drives the snobs mad in this lame third-rate version of "Caddyshack 2", which itself was a lame third-rate version of "Caddyshack". So what a have have is an ultra-lame laugh-free sixth-grade version of a classic movie with oodles of fake tits. Sound like fun? Nope I don't think so either. Avoid it like the travesty it is.

My Grade: F

Where i saw it: Starz on Demand (available till August 25th, 2005)

Of course you know who's going to win the bet the moment it's agreed to, but then again that is exactly what this movie is for, mindless fun. Save it for a rainy day when you can't make it to the course yourself, and dream about the day when your favorite club installs a cart wash.