Virgin of the Secret Service

Yes, I remember Virgin of the Secret Service. A spoof of Batman, but with the same impossible villain each week, who always had 'a plan of the utmost simplicity', and was invariably foiled by Virgin. Complete with a moustache of outstanding proportions he was the perfect English officer. The plots were simple, the dialogue agonising and the characters more wooden than Thunderbirds, but we loved it! I'm not surprised it disappeared without trace.

Now you must be aware that I was around 11 years old when this was aired and I was totally in 'love' with Captain Virgin...... I remember eagerly awaiting each episode and scanning TV Times for any articles about the programme. I would love for the series to be brought out on DVD so that I can relive a little of my childhood! Seeing as VCR's weren't around in those days there is probably no chance that there is even a copy around anywhere to view. I remember that as the characters moved around the World in each episode (they probably never even left the studios!) everything seemed so exotic. The costumes were particularly beautiful and the men were all so manly - while Mrs. Cortez, although very independent, relied on Captain Virgin to come to her rescue when needed. Pure escapism for a young girl, if only it was available again.

Dashing Captain Virgin, assisted by trusty confederates Mrs Cortez and Doublett, are constantly on their mettle to foil the indefatigable efforts of the evil von Brauner to do down the British Empire. The tone is established early in the first episode when a British officer tells an underling "you never know when these blasted natives are telling the truth". A tone which suggests the BBC is unlikely to be giving Capt. Virgin an outing any time soon.

My favourite episodes are The Amazons and The Rajah and the Suffragette. In the former, someone (you don't need three guesses) is encouraging Indian workers to down tools and turn against the British Empire. Virgin is initially baffled, exclaiming "they positively enjoy working the rubber plantation. I could understand it if they were working for foreigners, but it's a British company". The Rajah is notable for a rum performance from Rodney Bewes as a dissolute Indian prince, sounding exactly the same as in The Likely Lads, except for the odd contemporary phrase, by jingo.

Von Brauner is clearly the star of the show, with his catchphrases "I have a plan of the utmost simplicity", and "I like it, I like it". Possibly the most manic, over the top villain to rival Burgess Meredith in Batman. The last couple of episodes did sag, especially The Professor goes West, where von Brauner is rather upstaged by some unfriendly cowboys. But all in all, absolutely top-hole fun.

Here's another one who remembers {vaguely} Virgin of the Secret Service. It appealed to all those kids who grew up with Dr Who and Adam Adamant and was a bit like a Victorian Biggles {without all those annoying airplanes} complete with a plethora of stiff upper lips and cries of 'For King and Country' a jolly undemanding spoof that could almost fit in with Michael Palin's Ripping Yarns series. At least it was original programming. You get the feeling it springs from that time when TV companies were still experimenting with programming. Shows like this and Adam Adamant and Big Bad Breadwinner Hog, were original, creative, they didn't always work but at least an attempt was being made to entertain us with something more than cheap reality TV shows, or Soap Operas. It says a lot that one of the most popular shows on TV at the moment is a revamped 60's idea, Dr. Who. The Golden Days of Innovative British TV shows are, I'm afraid, long gone

I remember this show well and could never understand why it died an early death. It was a fun, tongue-in-cheek and thoroughly enjoyable piece of pseudo late Victorian/Edwardian tomfoolery in which countless historical and literary stereotypes were cheerfully sent up.

In our family at least, the show's catch phrase, "I haff a plan of the utmost simplicity", lives on. We use it every time any of us has a brain wave that is foredoomed to failure. In the show it was always used by the resident German pantomime villain shortly before he was foiled by our hero, Captain Virgin of the Secret Service.

Happy days.

Must go, for I haff yet another plan of the utmost simplicity to put into effect.......