Cold Harvest

What do you get when you mix Hong Kong-inspired fights and stunts, John Woo-type shootouts, spaghetti Western-like faceoffs and post-apocalyptic settings ala Albert Pyun? You get "Cold Harvest", except that this ambitious mix is not as interesting as it sounds. Gary Daniels is fun to watch, especially in the fight scenes, and Barbara Crampton does a surprisingly good job in her role, but why do they have the main villain, who turns out to be an awesome fighter, fight only once (at the end), and kill people with his guns throughout the rest of the movie? If you're a fan of Gary Daniels (and I'm slowly becoming one myself) check out "Bloodmoon" first, as it has more fights and a fantastic villain (Darren Shahlavi). (**)

Well, the acting is f.. really gay, they should have dubbed his accent or got him to speak american cause it just didn't cut it for the hard man that daniels was tryin to portray, plus it was another post apocalyptic flick and we all know how good they all r.*sigh's* the two mains boys Daniels And Genesse are both amazing fighters and the fight scenes in this film show this awesomely at times especially the last fight between the two of them.i would advise u to rent this if there was nothin new to rent and u are in the mood for martial arts, cause it is for only these reasons that it is worth renting, other wise just leave it till another day. i am really hoping both of these guys get roles on a gd tv series or a high budget movie release cause they could do any martials arts film justice as long as the story ain't poo and the other actors in the film can actually act, a good director would also be good, but we can only pray that john woo be the man cause that would be really amazing. anyways u may aswell rent this cos u'll probly go and waste u'r money on another b-movie any way, think bout it, good luck.

Well...

This is obviously a low-budget action film. It's too highly derivative, though, to be interesting for any reason unless maybe you're interested in the further adventures of someone involved in making it. The actors weren't just mailing it in, so I give them credit: they did as well as they probably could given the boring script and low budget. Whoever did the sound effects made a humorous decision to add them to virtually every sudden movement in the entire movie, destroying any fleeting illusion of realism which might have tried to slip between the wall-to-wall physical impossibilities of the action scenes. Well, actually, there were some extended "dramatic" scenes, like where Oliver (or was it Roland? I forgot which was which already) watches his dead brother's wife bathing and is so inspired by her beauty that he tells her simply "You have a nice back." Of course, with writing like that, whatever wafts of realism might have tiptoed past the sound effects and the action sequences would have been dropped dead cold in their tracks by a head-shot like that line, in the same fashion as some of the hapless victims of the overeager gore effects team succumbed to their inevitable -- read "predictable" -- deaths.

Just two more examples should suffice to illustrate the quality of the writing. First, the two main characters face off with guns, then both throw away their guns at the same time to "finish this like men" (which is actually what they say when they do it). Uh huh. Real smart, "men". Then they go on to an even sillier final "final showdown". I'll leave a shred of suspense in it for you should you decide to see this turkey and spare you a description of that face-off. But my favorite part was the handy provision of a small array of GARDEN TOOLS (including a pitchfork -- gee, wonder if/how that will play into the action? *yawn*) right outside the villain's OFFICE. In the hallway. Yeah, you know, nothing says professionalism in the evil boss industry like some garden implements close by. Remember, there's no sunshine in this post-apocalyptic world.

Hmmm... bah, thinking and this movie do not mix.

Despite popular belief, Cold Harvest is not a "great action movie". I think it's even a stretch to call it a movie. I think it is better classified as a form of cancer. Now I am in no way an expert on Cold Harvest. Seeing as maybe 20-30 minutes into the movie I sort of zoned out. My roommates found me on the floor in a tight little ball shivering. I was supposedly mumbling incoherently and they said my eyes had a look of just deep shame and hurt. Anyways, over time my memory has healed and i vaguely remember parts of this lame post-apocalyptic/kung-fu/sci-fi/western. That right there should be reason enough not to see it. As far as I can tell the creators of this awful movie traveled far and wide looking for the worst possible cast and crew that they could assemble. Here's a possible scenario:

Producer: "Hey, dirty naked homeless guy, we're doing a movie and we're looking for a (enter any movie job here). Are you interested?"

Dirty Naked Homeless Guy: "Can I bring my friend?" (pointing to soiled towel on ground)

Producer: "Sure, We'll need a good (enter other movie job here)."

Well, maybe that's not totally true. I think the movie might have been better had they hired a few naked homeless guys...but they didn't. Anyways, if you choose to ignore my warning and watch this movie, just remember the old saying: Everytime someone watches Cold Harvest, a baby gets punched in the stomach.

The script for "Cold Harvest" is anything but inspired. We've seen the post-holocaust setting many times before, we've seen the same kind of creeps this movie has in other movies, and the dialogue is unexceptional. (And what does that title mean? It's never explained.) Other faults the movie has includes Gary Daniels. In this movie and in others of his I've seen, he simply can't act.

Still, there is still some pleasure to be found in the movie. Although this was clearly a very low budget movie, it's clear that the production team squeezed every penny out of their limited funds. The photography and lighting is very good. The movie does go by at a fairly brisk pace. And Bryan Genesse and Tony Caprari make amusing and colorful villains. But what's really good are the action sequences. I've seen other movies directed by Isaac Florentine, and I can tell you that he sure knows how to make exciting action sequences, including the ones in this movie. If you're a B movie fan, you'll probably find enough good stuff in this movie to make it worth your time.