Teen Knight

As well as churning out cheap schlocky horror, Full Moon Entertainment also financed a series of children's films that were shot in Romania in the late 1990s. Unsurprisingly the majority of these turn out to be completely dreadful, although the odd one is mildly enjoyable (I admit to getting a kick out of LITTLE GHOST). TEEN KNIGHT is the worst one yet.

This is a fantasy adventure with a historical slant. The protagonist, his buddies, and some random characters are transported back to a medieval castle slap bang in the middle of the Middle Ages and forced to fight against an evil lord with murder in mind. What you get is a gamut of cheesy acting, even cheesier fight scenes, and some quite terrible special effects. The script is diabolical and there's barely an enjoyable moment throughout the whole thing, so it's definitely one to be avoided.

Let's see. A dry script, actors who can't even give the impression of acting, special effects that are absolutely laughable, and I've seen better swordplay between 4 year olds with empty paper towel rolls.

I wanted to like this movie, really. It has a great premise; kids at a castle get caught in a time warp, transported back to the middle ages, and have to figure out how to get home. As they look for that mystical door to their own time, they encounter sorcerers, knights, a prince, and dragons. Sounds great, huh? Well, it's just not. I tried to give it a good shot, but towards the end when Peter is fighting the other soldiers in the castle just lost it for me. It's like the actors didn't want to hit their swords together too hard, because the steel barely touches. The whole showdown with Raykin is horrid, too. The director must have told him to just 'lose' the fight, because he repeats the same mistake, over and over. Call me a stickler, but I just can't stand sword fighting scenes that a child wouldn't believe were real.

I'm stretching to give this a 2/10 rating. Maybe a child would enjoy this movie if they've never seen anything in this genre before. Once they've watched another sci-fi/fantasy film, though, steer clear of Teen Knight.

My only theory is that this movie was some sort of tax write-off for the producers. Otherwise, how do you explain actors who seemingly have never rehearsed? How do you explain a script that sounds like it was read off of a finished game of Scrabble? How do you explain sets and effects that would make Ed Wood proud?

The basic story is a kid who wins a trip to a medieval fantasy camp run by androids. Other winners include Token Nerd, Token Snobby Rich Kid, Token Snobby Girl. The film crew taping this camp for the sponsors of the contest include Token Nice Girl Who Is So Involved In Work But You Know Will Learn Not To Be So Uptight And Have More Fun By The End Of The Movie.

As luck would have it, a giant storm sweeps over the land causing calamity (*cough* Jurassic Park *cough*). The next morning our hero figures out in roughly two minutes that they've all been transported back to medieval times, wherein hijinks ensue.

It seems as if whoever made this film has never seen a movie before and has no idea how to shoot, write, or pace one. At no point did it seem like anyone knew or cared what was going to appear on screen.

This is the worst movie I've seen that wasn't on Mystery Science Theatre.

This could well be the most pathetic movie I've ever seen. I've seen kids make a better movie with a home VHS camcorder and some action figures. There was obviously no fight choreographer and it looked like the special effects were a byproduct of a 3 year old going crazy with crayons on the original film print. The one line summary says it all on this one.

Older, I watched this family TV movie with my nephews and they really enjoyed it. They got scared, excited, laughed, and were quite pleased with the ending of the story. It definitely is an exciting adventure film for the family. Kris Lemche, the star, is a great young actor. Script is not always up to par, but the directing is very good. Feels like the director did an incredible job with the script he was given. The Art direction has an inspiring castle, and wonderful dragons done in computer generated images. Feels like medieval Europe with Amercain & Canadian actors; a great mix. I recommend this film for your kids too. It will make them dream, and wish they could live these type of adventures. This film will make them live it!