Legend of the Mummy

_Legend of the Mummy_ was long and tedious... a few mildly suspenseful scenes and not much else. Al from _Home Improvement_ provided a little comic relief, but there was nothing at all in this flick which so much as made me want to stop it before going for a snack. And the mummy is incredibly cheesy, looking rather like Eddie, Iron Maiden's concert mascot.

The Legend of the Mummy is so bad, I would rather have my brain removed through my nose and my innards scooped out and placed in jars than watch it again. A turgid, muddled and totally inept movie, this lame horror stumbles awkwardly from one awful scene to another even slower than its titular creature.

Based on the Bram Stoker novel about the resurrection of a 7-fingered Egyptian queen (which was made into the almost as awful Blood from the Mummy's Tomb by Hammer in 1971), this film is poorly scripted, acted, directed and edited and the result is totally confusing and lacking in any suspense or shocks whatsoever.

Pretty Amy Locane (from John Water's Cry-Baby) plays Margaret Trelawny, the heroine of the tale whose father is attacked by a mysterious assailant whilst examining an old artifact from the cursed tomb of Queen Tera. Margaret's boyfriend Robert Wyatt (a totally bland Eric Lutes) tries to solve the mystery, along with dodgy treasure hunter Corbeck (Louis Gossett Jr., who still sounds and acts like the Drac he played in Enemy Mine) and ex-copper Daw (Mark Lindsay Chapman).

The film boasts bargain basement effects and features a barely seen (and probably for good reason) manky mummy. Enlivening proceedings (but only slightly) are some gratuitous sex scenes: sexy maid Lily (Laura Otis) imagines herself having sex in a bath, pudgy museum curator Brice Renard (Richard Karn) inexplicably beds a massive-jugged blonde hottie, and Margaret does a brief full-frontal flash towards the end (although this is more than likely a body double for Amy Locane).

When rating a horror film, I always take into consideration any inclusion of unnecessary scenes of quality female nudity (there's always room for some nekkid flesh); thus The Legend of the Mummy saves itself from the shame of receiving the lowest possible score by the (wrinkled) skin of its (decayed) teeth!

I had to struggle to get through this one. Louis Gossett Jr. (An Officer and a Gentleman) was the only reason I tuned in. he usually does a great job, and he really wasn't all that bad in a poor vehicle such as this.

This is one of those films that you need a bucket and a gun before you watch. That is to either throw up or shoot yourself if you can't escape.

The mummy was pathetic, there was little horror, and the ending was a mess.

Stay away - far away.

This film is another low budget version of Bram Stoker's Jewel of the Seven Stars previously filmed as Blood From The Mummy's Tomb by Hammer in 1971. Trivia fans will care to note that deranged character actor Aubrey Morris, who appears as the doctor, played exactly the same role in the Hammer version.

It's pretty poorly acted and scripted and Amy Locaine can't hold a handle to the wonderful Valerie Leon in terms of physical presence. The ending is extremely confused and very bathetic - just as you are waiting for a climax, it finishes and we fast forward to a limp postscript. Generally, the second half of the film is a mess.

This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Absolutely no suspense. A lot of really bad acting. Very poor special effects. Avoid wasting your time with this one. Nothing more to say, but here's the required minimum 4th line anyway.