Barney

"Barney and Friends," the notoriously stupid kids' show about a big cuddly purple dinosaur who makes kids use their imaginations, has been the brunt of so many jokes since it started airing (my favorite spoof of it was Animaniacs' "Baloney & Kids," in which Baloney, the numbskull orange dinosaur, is taunted and has anvils dropped on his head). There are too many things wrong with this show for me to discuss here, so I'll just say my favorite ones:

(1) All the kids look like they are (and they probably are) preteens and teenagers, and this dopey purple idiot is teaching them things like the alphabet, counting, colors, shapes, and everything else every 5-year-old should know. If this were real life, the kids (or, should I say, teens) would throw stuff at Barney and laugh, instead of sitting in awe while he teaches them the difference between indoor and outdoor voices.

(2) I know that using one's imagination is important, but here, Barney needs to tell them to imagine. It's as if they can't imagine so much as a rock without saying, with Barney's instruction, the magic words "Shimberee, shimberah, shimberee, shimbeRAAAAHHHH!"

(3) The show's methods of teaching lessons to the 2-to-5-year-old crowd are really lame. The dialogue is so banal that I can't see how even the cast members believe any of this junk. And the lines are not unintentionally hilarious enough to inspire a chuckle in a cynic like me. Except for one notable exception, the "5 Senses" episode, which contained lines such as the following (all said in amazed tone of voice):

"This rock is smooth...but it's hard!"

(banging on sand) "This sand is hard. (picking it up) But now it feels soft. (rubbing it in hands) But now it feels scratchy!"

(surprised/delighted even beyond usual "Barney" standard) "This chair is hard!!!! But the cushion is soft!!!!!!!!"

So if you want a good educational show for your kids, turn on "Sesame Street" or "Mr. Rogers." They are much better than this baloney.

Before my daughter was born I'd heard a lot of unpleasant things about Barney and Friends, but now having seen most of the episodes and owning many of the videos, I have to admit that I admire the artistry that goes into Barney. It teaches manners and etiquette, counting, verbal skills, spacial relations, and responsibility. I am also glad for the musical appreciation that it gives my little one. However, I should point out that occasionally I become dismayed when listening to the politically correct versions of the fairy tales and folk lore with which I grew up. Still I and my daughter enjoy the show very much and I find myself wondering what happened to the child actors/actresses in it.

From the adult perspective, this show would seems really stupid and horrible. But for my brother and I as toddlers watching the show, I loved it. My brother and I learned things about sharing, different cultures, mixing colors, etc. At the time, I thought it was a great show. You all have to remember, IT IS A KIDS SHOW. It is not meant to make tons of sense in a real-world setting or be a wonderful, inspiring show (actually, to a toddler, it is a wonderful and inspiring show). It's just a nice, entertaining program for very young children. Nothing more, nothing less. But then again, are any childrens shows anything more than that? No. Barney and Friends has given me some really fond childhood memories of just enjoying things for what they were, not analyzing them. Save the horrors of that for when children are older. Anyway, If you really want some bad childrens television, watch teletubbies. You'll probably become dumber.

All four of my children watched this show during their preschooler years. I have a two-year-old who watches every day and owns a couple of videos.

This show is about using your imagination. It teaches musical skills. It teaches the alphabet, numbers, memorization, and good behavioral techniques. When the show originally aired it was all imagination. Barney was a stuffed toy owned by a girl named Tina who imagined she was back at school playing with her friends and classroom toys. Now it has evolved to a treehouse in the center of a park and the focus is friendship. Thanks to everything decent this show has to offer, my kids have grown up more intelligent and they are not afraid to show off their knowledge and talents.

Bottom line - my kids are happier because of Barney being a part of their lives. That makes this show TOPS in my book!

Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, Postman Pat, Oscar the Grouch, the Happy Giant. What do all of these names have in common. They're wonderful memorable childhood TV characters. Why? Because they're classics. And classics are timeless pieces of entertainment that will stay with you forever. They shape your early years, how you learn, what you learn, and even how you act with others. And you know who isn't in that list? Barney the Dinosaur. And why? BECAUSE HE IS THE MOST ANNOYING CHILDREN'S CHARACTER EVER CREATED BY GOD!

Imagine a purple therapod about 9 feet tall with a voice so high it makes dogs howl at a 5-mile radius. Then add a theme song based on "Yankee Doodle" and voilà! you have Barney. The problem with this character is that he is extremely annoying. And I don't mean annoying as in uncomfortable to stand. I mean mentally grating and painful to see and hear. While Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, and Grover are down to earth characters that are fuzzy and lovable, Barney is more sugary, yippidy, and "in your face". And let's not forget the infamous "I Love You" song played EVERY TIME the show finishes. It's so deliciously bad, it's "download onto your ipod to torture friends" worthy.

1/10