Pensione Amore - SerVizio completo

I honestly didn't know what to expect from this one; by this stage, however, I fully anticipated the fact that its erotic content – which, reportedly, is borderline hardcore – would be severely diluted on the print shown on late-night Italian TV (in fact, the film ran for a mere 77 minutes when the full-length, as given on most Internet sources, is closer to 92 minutes!).

Incidentally, negative opinions seem to berate the essential flatness of technique on display – while this is understandable, given the film's generally modest credentials, its visual style is really quite typical of Italian comedies from this era. Anyhow, the picture turned out to be a surprisingly engaging romp; its major inspiration is to turn the sexual exploits of a well-endowed male teenager into black comedy material, as his 'talent' elevates the fortunes of a run-down seaside hotel owned by his liberal grandmother! As the film opens, the boy (Christian Borromeo) is shy and two of his pals decide to take him to an aging and unattractive local prostitute – but she balks at the size of his member, arguing that it could ruin her own professional tool! Back home, he's infatuated with the voluptuous maid – though, when she finally calls him into her room one night, they're immediately interrupted by his father (who lusts after the girl himself when his own spouse is asleep!).

The hero is sent to his grandmother's as punishment; he's not initially looking forward to the prospect, but some time after his arrival he meets the daughter (future Italian TV showgirl Lory del Santo) of the architect engaged to carry out the renovation of the hotel. She appears snobbish at first but, during dinner, their mutual attraction is palpable – leading to some below-the-table shenanigans which distract a woman sitting at a nearby table from her full-time job of secretary to a pompous TV writer (unable to contain her passion, she too eventually confronts the boy in the hotel corridors). Aiding the hero in the maintenance of the hotel is another male youth: however, he has no such luck with the women despite being hung-up on one particular guest – Ajita Wilson, a black transsexual quite popular during this time (whose on-screen husband is himself gay).

Anyway, satisfied customers start spreading the word and soon the place is buzzing with activity (most of it, naturally, centering around Borromeo's quarters). Two extraneous conquests for the boy are the very girl who put him on the road to 'success' i.e. the maid from his former household who decides to pay him a visit on her day off and the sister of the hotel owner's lawyer who, married to a rich but senile foreigner, is obviously left wanting in certain matters. By the way, Borromeo's granny had forbidden him to become involved with the female hotel staff – but these two girls won't be discriminated against, and decide to quit in unison unless...

To cut a long story short, the boy's virtually non-stop occupation soon takes its toll and his sexual prowess is ultimately dissipated; this, of course, could spell disaster for the hotel – but, thankfully, del Santo is back and she manages to cure Borromeo. The film is breezy fun for the most part, what with its likable protagonist and many of the younger girls obviously looking great unclothed; on the opposite end of the scale, Wilson definitely emerges an acquired taste (this is the second film I've watched her in following Jess Franco's MACUMBA SEXUAL [1981], though the same director's SADOMANIA [1981] and Cesare Canevari's THE NUDE PRINCESS [1976] could be worth pursuing as well) – while Stelvio Cipriani's cheesy score can hardly be ranked among his more notable efforts.

This is the story of a shy virgin who eventually becomes a "superstud". The lead is Christian Borreomo, who was one of those impossibly good-looking Italian pretty-boys (kind of in the mold of Allessandro Oranio). Guys like that are always popular with women, but in an additional conceit of this movie, he's also apparently hung like a stallion. This kind of begs the question of why he's still a virgin, but of course he doesn't stay one for long! After being caught in a compromising situation with the improbably sexy family maid (who also happens to also be his father's mistress), he is sent to live with his religious grandmother and help run her hotel. There he soon becomes the resident stud to all the improbably attractive women that come to stay there.

Some of the actresses here are a little Amazonian for my taste like Marina D'Auno or Ajita Wilson (the latter, an African-American, was reputedly once a man), or they are downright annoying like the loud, chirpy woman with the dog. They all have very nice bodies though and would seem highly unlikely to need a stud service, (but then it also seems highly unlikely that the downright effeminate Borromeo would be packing such "heavy equipment", so you just have to go with it). The only girl here who is actually prettier than Borromeo is Lory Del Santos, who plays the daughter of a friend of his grandmother. He first spies her running on the beach (weirdly dressed in what can only be described as a butt-clinging teddy), and they later play a game of erotic footsies under the table that gets her so hot she (or her body double) goes into the next room to masturbate while Borromeo watches for awhile (but then ends up getting his knob slobbed by another female dinner guest who witnessed the whole thing). Del Santos was not much of an actress (and she's really terrible here, truth be told), but she became somewhat well-known after the child she had with rock star Eric Clapton tragically fell from the couple's Manhattan apartment building (inspiring Clapton's song "Tears in Heaven").

This movie came kind of came late in the 70's era of commedia all'Italia, so it goes beyond the tame cheesecake nudity of Edwige Fenech or Gloria Guida-type sex comedies to be a little more "sexy" (and by that I mean a little more sleazy). Some scenes are pretty sexy like when the protagonist has sex on the roof with the married Marina D'Auno while her father-confessor and his grandmother wander around below. Others are less so such as when he has sex with Wilson while her perverted husband watches. And, of course, some are downright tasteless like when the hero helps out the horny, butt-pinching Italian stereotype of a bellboy, who has a crush on the "negra", by moving over, Rover, and letting him take over while he and Wilson are having doggie-style sex. But the ending does try (rather unsuccessfully) to sweeten up such sleaze.

This isn't a bad movie per se, but Borremeo is simply miscast, it errs too much on side of sleazy, and none of the female cast really has that right combination of sex appeal and talent.