King Cobra

Is this a low budget movie?: YES

Is the acting bad?: YES

Is this movie a bad one?: NO DOUBT

BUT, is this movie entertaining?: YES, but only in limited periods of time. If you want to enjoy "King Cobra", you have to block out all expectations of this being a great film, and just erase your memory of great films you've previously seen. Only if you do that, there's a possible that it will entertain you. One thing that helps a bit, it that the special effects doesn't look that bad. But since this is really low-budget, the big snake hasn't that much screen time. And for the opening scene, just forget that it was part of the movie, because it has to be one of the worst scenes that I've seen. Ever.

1) You can survive an explosion straight to your face and only suffer from a missing eye.

2) The "African King Cobra" exists, even if king cobras only live in Asia.

3) Aggression makes things bigger.

4) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can spit venom, even if both species are incapable of doing so.

5) Rattlesnakes rattle when they're hunting. Screw being silent.

6) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can make Jurassic Park Raptor noises.

7) Bullets do not affect a king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid at all.

8) A beer festival is way too important to mind the lives of innocent civilians.

9) Never trust people from you snake-hunting team, as they might mistake sleeping gas for toxic gas.

10) Expect the unexpected.

Even taking into account what obviously was a miniscule budget, one of the worst efforts I've been exposed to. In a nutshell, this is a tale of a small town under the attack of a genetically engineered, grossly oversized mutant snake (half King Cobra-half rattlesnake) that has escaped from the local laboratory. To remedy this awful situation, they hire expert snake wrangler Mr. Miyagi to corral the ferocious reptile. Honestly, Pat Morita would have won more of my respect by signing on for another Karate Kid movie. And despite the fact that both the plot and the realism are miserable, every cloud has a silver lining - this movie is so bad that laughter is all but guaranteed. That's the only reason you'll make it to the end. And if you do, there's gold at the end of the rainbow. In one of the most outstanding moments in bad movie history, the movie's final scene features one of our heroes delivering a breathtaking drop kick to the snake that is guaranteed to have you doubled over in laughter while frantically reaching for the rewind button. You've got to see it to believe it.

Snake movies are the worst. And this one is the equal of any. A King Cobra/Rattlesnake hybrid has escaped from a lab wrecked by two of the most insane scientists in film history. The scene was brief, but possibly the most entertaining in the film. The monstrous mutation has claimed a small, rural town as its territory. Of course they are about to have a festival a beer fest no less! And will the Mayor cancel the festival because a couple of people are killed? What do you think?

The acting in King Cobra is remedial at best. Even Pat Morita cannot make is role entertaining. The stoic Casey Fallo was a pretty good reason to keep viewing. She was nice to watch in what little she was given to do. Everyone else was just not in attendance.

Perhaps the major problem for me in the film is that a snake was able to outsmart one-and-all homo sapiens throughout most of the film. And the two ton beast seemingly appeared and disappeared with all the velocity of a mako shark. He wafted through the delicate branches of trees with the grace of a ninety pound ballerina. A trained deputy is cornered against a tree by the rampaging reptile, and she panics, seemingly forgets she has a pistol in her hand, and screams for the hero; who drop-kicks the lightnening-fast saurian without even getting bitten.

One must always suspend belief to some extent in order to enjoy a monster film. However, the director created such a "super snake", and such inept humans, that King Cobra far surpassed my ability to stretch reality.This mess eventually became boring and predictable. That is the only real sin a monster film can commit. And it is terminal in King Cobra.

But it just might be that the worst faux pas of this film was the beer recipe recited by the supposed artisan brewer. If you are able to muster the gumption to watch this snake calamity, listen carefully for it. This "master brewer" is concocting a classic American mass-produced, tasteless near beer; not a sapid, artisan brew. After all, snakes are a dime a dozen, but a really good beer is sacred.

I cannot recommend this film, unless one is in traction and cannot reach the remote. However, perhaps enough good beer could make it tolerable?

30 feet of pure terror! So proclaims the jacket ad. The monster snake is actually a Cobra-Rattlesnake creation, the result of genetic tinkering. After the obligatory lab explosion, it escapes and settles down in a small rural town to make life hectic for the hicks, who call in snake-expert Pat Morita (from Happy Days and the "Karate Kid" movies). This flic is rather low-budget and must have went direct-to-video. I'm not really sure how much of it is unintentionally funny or tongue-in-cheek (especially the climactic battle between Morita & the Monster, who, by the way, is named Seth). But, it comes off as entertaining in a goofy, lopsided manner, hearkening back to all those monster flics of the 1950s (and the 1970s, come to think of it). There weren't that many giant snake movies back then, however, instead mostly giant insects and an occasional lizard. Then we got "Anaconda" in '97 and the rest is history - the Sci-Fi Channel has a sub genre load of these by now. The snake-monster itself in "King Cobra" is fairly well executed, showing that even with a very low budget, FX can be done in a reasonable fashion these days. Lucky us.