King Cobra

1) You can survive an explosion straight to your face and only suffer from a missing eye.

2) The "African King Cobra" exists, even if king cobras only live in Asia.

3) Aggression makes things bigger.

4) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can spit venom, even if both species are incapable of doing so.

5) Rattlesnakes rattle when they're hunting. Screw being silent.

6) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can make Jurassic Park Raptor noises.

7) Bullets do not affect a king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid at all.

8) A beer festival is way too important to mind the lives of innocent civilians.

9) Never trust people from you snake-hunting team, as they might mistake sleeping gas for toxic gas.

10) Expect the unexpected.

I was looking forward to seeing another "Anaconda" and what I got was instead was a laugh out of it. This movie was probably the worst horror movie I have ever seen. Reason I say this, is not because it was poorly directed or made, but because of Pat Morita's entrance into the movie. Not only did he come in after a great hour of the movie, but he came in with his jokes and his knowledge on snakes. Honestly, I don't think the movie needed a snake guy to help out, I'm pretty sure the Doctor, which was played by Scott Hillenbrand (the director, also), would know what was poisonous and what was not. I think any movie, regardless of the genre, wants to make someone their leading man in the credits like this movie did with Morita, they should atleast put him in more than 30 minutes of the movie. Nonetheless, this movie was still entertaining, not scary, but entertaining. You even get a good laugh at the end that makes you feel like you actually didn't waste the 93 minutes of watching the movie.

Okay. "Battlefield Earth" is nothing compared to this. This is, hands down, the worst movie I have ever, EVER seen. I saw it on HBO in the middle of the day when I was home sick, and this movie just made it worse. But, like a terrible car accident, I couldn't look away. The town in the film is home to a fledgling brewery that could spell an economic turnaround for the small hamlet, if its opening day "Brewfest" is a success. But, a giant cobra has escaped from a nearby lab and could kill everyone if authorities don't take the advice of the cute lady cop and her doctor boyfriend. Believe it or not, the stubborn mayor JUST WON'T LISTEN! You can guess the rest. Some observations:

1) Erik Estrada's performance as a gay man was the very worst acting I have ever seen in any movie. I'm talking Ed Wood level acting here. I kept getting the feeling that he was uncomfortable playing a a gay man; maybe he's got too much "machismo" in his Latin blood for that. His lisp, his "little dog," his "gay walk," his constantly checking out men's rears. Yikes!

2) The dad from "Gremlins" played the mayor of the town who, darnit, just won't listen when he's warned about the snake. He can't stop the town's beer festival! The economic future of every citizen is riding on it! Predictable results.

3) The young doctor. Hoo boy. The young doctor. Don't quit your day job, Mr. Forgettable, Stilted, Anonymous actor.

4) The lady cop. Ditto.

5) The snake was funny. A cobra with a rattle.

Not to mention all the racist stereotypes and idiotic dialogue. Don't see this. No, wait! See this! It's actually pretty funny!

Grade: F-

Things to look for: the sets, the look on the cobra's face, the woodchopping scene that goes on MUCH too long, the two Latin lovers in the woods (what ARE they saying?), Erik Estrada.

Snake movies are the worst. And this one is the equal of any. A King Cobra/Rattlesnake hybrid has escaped from a lab wrecked by two of the most insane scientists in film history. The scene was brief, but possibly the most entertaining in the film. The monstrous mutation has claimed a small, rural town as its territory. Of course they are about to have a festival a beer fest no less! And will the Mayor cancel the festival because a couple of people are killed? What do you think?

The acting in King Cobra is remedial at best. Even Pat Morita cannot make is role entertaining. The stoic Casey Fallo was a pretty good reason to keep viewing. She was nice to watch in what little she was given to do. Everyone else was just not in attendance.

Perhaps the major problem for me in the film is that a snake was able to outsmart one-and-all homo sapiens throughout most of the film. And the two ton beast seemingly appeared and disappeared with all the velocity of a mako shark. He wafted through the delicate branches of trees with the grace of a ninety pound ballerina. A trained deputy is cornered against a tree by the rampaging reptile, and she panics, seemingly forgets she has a pistol in her hand, and screams for the hero; who drop-kicks the lightnening-fast saurian without even getting bitten.

One must always suspend belief to some extent in order to enjoy a monster film. However, the director created such a "super snake", and such inept humans, that King Cobra far surpassed my ability to stretch reality.This mess eventually became boring and predictable. That is the only real sin a monster film can commit. And it is terminal in King Cobra.

But it just might be that the worst faux pas of this film was the beer recipe recited by the supposed artisan brewer. If you are able to muster the gumption to watch this snake calamity, listen carefully for it. This "master brewer" is concocting a classic American mass-produced, tasteless near beer; not a sapid, artisan brew. After all, snakes are a dime a dozen, but a really good beer is sacred.

I cannot recommend this film, unless one is in traction and cannot reach the remote. However, perhaps enough good beer could make it tolerable?

The film tells about Dr Burns in charge a environment lab making scientific experiments but it turns out to be a bio-genetically King Cobra that has a taste for human flesh .The researcher makes a chemical crossing two species, creating a weird and dangerous hybrid ,being transformed into deadly vipers: an African King Cobra and an American rattle snake with approximate length of thirty feet and whose bites killing its victims.But the laboratory instantly explodes .Two years later the giant snake makes a reappearance and and get loose, attacking at a small town and threaten the populace.Noriyuki, Pat Morita as a snakes expert tells: the African King cobra kills more people than one shark along hundred years .Morita says the snakes have bitten him 167 occasions and he's continuously injecting serum and keeps records with a bite black Mamba snake.The King Cobra simulates death for attraction the victims. and causing a breakdown of the blood cells.The poisonous Cobra-Rattler attack at random and slither down the mountainside,woods and slither around small town,ready to attack anyone in its path.

This is an average scary snake movie .Creepy,scary,campy and low budgeter story about a large snake attacking human beings. Mediocre performances though the actors reacts appropriately to becoming snake food.Rather sympathetic characterization by Pat Morita for the horror genre.Besides Hoyt Axton as the Mayor and Eric Strada as a gay man organizing the brew-fest.The snake are made by Animatronics ,no by nowadays very prolific computer generator,as usual. Another films about this sub-genre are : SSS(Bernard Kowalski),the successful Anaconda(Luis Llosa with Jennifer López),Python 1,2,Boa and Rattlers.The motion picture is regularly directed by David Hillenbrand.