Seamless: Kidz Rule

That was one of the most painful 90 minutes of my life! I would rather give blood than watch that movie again! There was absolutely no point! I feel violated! There was no plot. The entire movie was merely a series of quazi-related clips edited to convince Artista that the production was finished so they could finally stop shooting, ending everyone's misery. The directing, wardrobe and cinematography were almost cartoonish. I got the feeling throughout the movie that I was watching a Saturday morning kid show (and not a good one). The acting was horrific! The acting was on par with a 3rd grade play. I haven't heard that much monotone dialog since seeing a Steven Wright comedy show! The saddest thing is that Shannon Elizabeth is by far the best actor in the movie and she was about as good as you'd expect her to be.

After suffering through about 30 minutes of this epic, it was clear that the only thing that could give some dignity to this disaster would some gratuitous nudity as you'd expect from a Shannon Elizabeth movie. They didn't even come through on that.

Bad, bad, bad, bad movie. Rent American Pie instead.

Many of the comments for this film (too many) are extremely negative, often tossing it into the "worst film ever made" category. These reviewers simply do not know what the worst is. Blissfully they never will. As a veteran of the Hollywood wars, I know the original producing organization (Shower Productions) too well. As LA producers go they are no worse than the middle of a vast pack who are largely unknown to film goers. "Seamless" was the best film they managed to produce. I will spare you gory details and just say that their other films never have never seen the light of day, and never will beyond "undiscriminating" markets in unnamed foreign countries that I hope I will never visit. Is "Seamless" a good film? No. Is it the "worst film ever made?" It is far, far from that. To that end, despite working conditions that cannot be described here, the director and DP of this film deserve credit for delivering a film that can actually placed into the Harm's way of commercial movies.

This movie was so badly over-acted by virtually all of the actors that it was a challenge just to sit and watch this whole hour and forty minutes of crap, just to see if anything was going to happen. And it certainly was shamefully promoted with enticements of seeing Shannon Elizabeth as you saw her in American Pie. Even the cover of the DVD box had her name in large letters standing out on the top of the box, with the name of the movie almost hidden in the background. Were the producers also ashamed of this waste of time and money ?? If you see this video on sale for 99 cents, buy a coffee instead, even if you don't drink coffee. This was garbage pure and simple. 1 out of 10 stars, simply for the closing music over the credits.

This movie was bad. We knew it when we rented it, it was re-enforced after watching the piece of crap. We saw the cover at the movie store, looked and saw "Rave" on the back of it, then had to see how bad they messed up their rave interpretations. I could tell you if they actually had raves in it. The 5 minutes of raver montage at the beginning was useless, but that could never out do the biggest laugh of the film. The idiot street kids lick AMBER!!! to get messed up. Yeah, that's right, fossilized friggin tree sap!!! I guess all of the drug dealers on earth are missing an open market. Overblown drug related effects, terrible acting, and enough happy happy joy joy love talk to make a self-help counseler vomit, I have to give this movie a negative 30 rating. Save the three bucks on the rental and buy a crack rock, at least you know beforehand you'll lose braincells.

I would like to consider myself a connoisseur of bad movies. I have witnessed some of the most unbearable atrocities ever put to film. Plan 9 From Outer-space. Red Zone Cuba. Batman and Robin. Surf Nazis Must Die. Sizzle Beach. These movies strike fear into the hearts of men, and cause small children to weep. Seamless is of this caliber. It's truly wonderful in its awful-ness. The acting of the `star' of the film Kentaro Seagal, is on par with Tor Johnson's stirring performance from Plan 9. The soundtrack is as miss-matched as Queen's epic opus from Flash Gordon. The dialog was as easy to follow as a David Lynch movie. There was no flow to the movie with scenes seemingly taken from random movies and placed into an order that made vague sense, with the transition from one to another being as easy to watch as extended footage of the psycho kid from down the street torturing small animals. I find it ironic that this movies is called Seamless. Seamless would indicate flow and continuity. Considering you are made painfully aware each time the camera shifts from one character to the next (or one location to the next) I would hardly call this travesty Seamless. Only two types of people will enjoy this film: those who've eaten lead paint chips as children and those who can appreciate an awful movie for its complete lack of quality. View at your own risk.