Seamless: Kidz Rule

Many of the comments for this film (too many) are extremely negative, often tossing it into the "worst film ever made" category. These reviewers simply do not know what the worst is. Blissfully they never will. As a veteran of the Hollywood wars, I know the original producing organization (Shower Productions) too well. As LA producers go they are no worse than the middle of a vast pack who are largely unknown to film goers. "Seamless" was the best film they managed to produce. I will spare you gory details and just say that their other films never have never seen the light of day, and never will beyond "undiscriminating" markets in unnamed foreign countries that I hope I will never visit. Is "Seamless" a good film? No. Is it the "worst film ever made?" It is far, far from that. To that end, despite working conditions that cannot be described here, the director and DP of this film deserve credit for delivering a film that can actually placed into the Harm's way of commercial movies.

I would like to consider myself a connoisseur of bad movies. I have witnessed some of the most unbearable atrocities ever put to film. Plan 9 From Outer-space. Red Zone Cuba. Batman and Robin. Surf Nazis Must Die. Sizzle Beach. These movies strike fear into the hearts of men, and cause small children to weep. Seamless is of this caliber. It's truly wonderful in its awful-ness. The acting of the `star' of the film Kentaro Seagal, is on par with Tor Johnson's stirring performance from Plan 9. The soundtrack is as miss-matched as Queen's epic opus from Flash Gordon. The dialog was as easy to follow as a David Lynch movie. There was no flow to the movie with scenes seemingly taken from random movies and placed into an order that made vague sense, with the transition from one to another being as easy to watch as extended footage of the psycho kid from down the street torturing small animals. I find it ironic that this movies is called Seamless. Seamless would indicate flow and continuity. Considering you are made painfully aware each time the camera shifts from one character to the next (or one location to the next) I would hardly call this travesty Seamless. Only two types of people will enjoy this film: those who've eaten lead paint chips as children and those who can appreciate an awful movie for its complete lack of quality. View at your own risk.

This movie was so badly over-acted by virtually all of the actors that it was a challenge just to sit and watch this whole hour and forty minutes of crap, just to see if anything was going to happen. And it certainly was shamefully promoted with enticements of seeing Shannon Elizabeth as you saw her in American Pie. Even the cover of the DVD box had her name in large letters standing out on the top of the box, with the name of the movie almost hidden in the background. Were the producers also ashamed of this waste of time and money ?? If you see this video on sale for 99 cents, buy a coffee instead, even if you don't drink coffee. This was garbage pure and simple. 1 out of 10 stars, simply for the closing music over the credits.

There was absolutely no freakin plot to this movie! It kinda had to do with some chalkey who was a DJ at a rave I think... Any way, this movie sucks. I rented it from the video store because shannon elizabeth got naked in American Pie and Dish Dogs... so I assumed she would be getting naked in this. AND SHE DOESNT!!!!! For god sake, i had to watch half this crap on fast forward. And the people have the nerve to use Shannon Elizabeth lookin fine on the cover of the box to sell this crap, and she isnt even in it much! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, IT IS CRAP. 1/10 only gets the one because shannon elizabeth is in it.

Sometimes, my brother and I get into little arguments. When he recommended a restaurant I thought sounded unappealing, I asked, "Why should we trust your judgment?" He countered by asking me for a specific instance in which his judgment was wholly at fault. I told him, "You rented the movie Seamless." Folks, this movie wins every time when the "What's the absolute worst movie you've seen?" question gets asked. My brother picked it because Shannon Elizabeth (who I don't even find very attractive) is centered on the cover. The fact is, Shannon Elizabeth can't act. A "good" Shannon Elizabeth role constitutes her getting naked. She doesn't even fulfill that requirement in Seamless.

What's the point? I win, brother.