Vampires

The modern American west has been overrun by bloodsucking ghouls, and the Catholic Church hires a crew of fearless exterminators to hunt down the undead and drag them into the sun.

I can certainly sympathize with Jack Crow's (James Woods) partner Anthony (Daniel Baldwin). I do not know if I could resist turning into a vampire with Sheryl Lee doing the biting. She would make me want to avoid daylight for eternity.

This was an action-packed adventure with Thomas Ian Griffith as the chief vampire, and Oscar winner Maximilian Schell (Judgment at Nuremberg), as the Cardinal that did not want to die.

Oh, that Sheryl Lee! It was only brief nudity, but it was all she had to offer.

"Vampires" is great popcorn entertainment. While fans will always compare Carpenter's later movies with his early genre classics, "Vampires" is excellent entertainment, even if it isn't an "important" or "milestone" horror event.

James Woods is not the most likable of heroes here but he's very watchable. Daniel Baldwin delivers a believable performance as his dependable sidekick. "Twin Peaks"' Sheryl Lee plays the leggy small-town hooker who is unfortunately bit by a Master Vampire, Valek. There are also appearances from Maximilian Schell and "Miami Vice"'s Gregory Sierra.

In Carpenter's "Vampires", the undead don't exit this world peacefully. Instead, they explode like giant Catherine wheels. This is exciting to watch - you can't have enough sparking vampires, can you? With lots of action and a few dark laughs, you could do a lot worse than see this movie.

With an excellent score, great visuals and a fast pace, "Vampires" scores a strong 8 out of 10.

But then kind of sputters out a bit and devolves into a bunch of talking with a decent finale scene. It was ok, entertaining enough. I was genuinely so excited to watch this again after watching the first 15-20 minutes, thinking it's a bit of a hidden gem, eh, not exactly, but wasn't bad. If it kept the pace of the first 20 minutes it would have been an absolute classisc.

Vatican-funded vampire hunter Jack Crow (James Woods) and his sidekick Montoya (Daniel Baldwin) search for centuries-old vampire Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) that killed their friends. They find a prostitute (Sheryl Lee) bitten by Valek and, using her telepathic link to the vampire, they try to track him down.

James Woods is really the whole show, hamming it up like the expected Carpenter cheesy macho anti-hero. Sheryl Lee is surprisingly good, as well. The worst casting is that of Thomas Ian Griffith as the villain. He's very much a post-Lestat romantic goth douchebag Dracula wannabe. Nothing frightening or exciting about him. More F bombs than a movie without Chris Tucker should probably have. This is John Carpenter's last above-average movie. It's still not a patch on his classics but it's entertaining enough.

The movie opens with a trained, fully-equipped team of vampire slayers, led by Jack Crow (James Woods), methodically purging a "nest" of its fanged occupants. This is one of the best scenes of the movie and sets the viewers up to think, "Hey, these guys know what they're doing. They're some rough-and-ready characters."

But, lo, where is the master vampire? Not to worry, he'll have his chance at revenge...later that very night, as the "trained" vampire hunters go to the nearest town, lay down their weapons, and begin drinking and whoring. And they knew full-well that a master vampire, whose "subjects" they'd just fried, was still lurking about! How stupid can you be???!!!

The movie marches on, showing carnage and betrayal as the plot is advanced. (And, frankly, it's not a bad plot). But there are many holes, many questions that are not answered, like, Why was such an mysterious and important item (a cross that would permit a vampire to walk in the sunlight) guarded by such a inept group of robe-clad nincompoops, who, according to their own harried screams, knew "The day has arrived!"? If they knew that a particularly horrific "day" was inevitably going to "arrive," why, then, did they lack even a modicum of defensive capability. Why were they caught frantically scampering around like a herd of panty-clad Dr. Smiths (from TV's Lost in Space..."Oh the pain, the pain of it all..."). Oh well, we'll never know, and they're too dead to tell us.

Be that as it may, this movie does have some good dialogue, interesting characters, a unique idea or two, and an actual plot--which makes John Carpenter's "Vampires" stand head and shoulders above most of the horror movies that are out today. I enjoyed it despite its defects.