Lo scapolo d'oro

The sight of an army of brides in white chasing a man down the streets is a very unusual and funny one. It was especially funny the first time around, with Buster Keaton. In "Seven Chances" (1925) old stone face played a man who had been left an inheritance of a large sum of money ($7 million)under the condition that he get married before his next birthday...which happens to be the following day. His efforts to find a willing bride results in ridicule, a car wreck, etc. He finally puts an ad in the paper, telling the circumstances, and asking for the applying bride to meet him at the church. At least a thousand women ranging from fat, small, young, old, beautiful, downright misshapen arrive at the church. Well, the same exact thing happens in this movie "The Bachelor" (though inflation has turned $7 Million into $100 million), only I gotta say the Keaton version is still the original and unsurpassed (and unsurpassable) masterpiece. I actually couldn't believe they named it "The Bachelor", it's a very boring title.

"The Bachelor" is a pretty good light romantic comedy. Brook Shields does indeed have the best scene in the whole flick. It's well described below, and is wonderfully funny. Rene Zellweger is both very good and very charming, as is Chris O'Donnell. It's not the sort of movie that will stay with you for much, but its pretty good fun while it's going on.

There's one thing I have to say though, and the main reason I'm bothering with a comment to this flick. Those that claim this movie is unrealistic and misogynist because of it's depiction of O'Donnell's former girlfriends and the huge number of women desperate for 100 million dollars, are infected with a serious case of delusional feminist PC propaganda. I can guarantee you that if an ad (turned into a front page article) with a picture guaranteeing sharing in a $100 million fortune for marrying a guy who looks like Chris O'Donnell the next day in a big American city (and clarifying that he was deadline desperate due to the date of his grandfather's death and the will provisions, so that many would feel they had a chance and he wasn't necessarily an impossible loser), there would indeed be hordes of women lining up to do it. Many wouldn't of course. But there'd be legions willing to take their chances. One of the main things limiting the numbers in fact would be self selection. The cliché that women (especially after their early 20's) tend to be attracted to money (or its prospect), fame and or success, while men tend to be attracted to beauty, has more than a little truth to it. Of course there also has to be personal chemistry in the ordinary course, but with $100 million on the table, a great many women would take their chances. So the crowd scenes are indeed plausible (if so many managing the wedding dresses on a few hours notice isn't).

What's most unrealistic is the PC "balancing" rejection this centi-millionaire gets from all but one of his former girl friends. That of course is what takes up the bulk of the movie. That is what is impossible to believe in the real world. In other words, "The Bachelor" actually leans over backwards to pretend that a far higher proportion of women wouldn't be swayed by the $100 million than is realistic. But just imagine how a more accurate balance would be criticized by the American media (not to mention academic) pundits of the moment. There are endless dismissive allusions to men being unduly or primarily interested in women's looks in today's American films -- and that that is terrible. (Why -- well, because women tend to have different priorities, and women must be right not only for themselves, but for men as well, of course.). That sort of commentary (with some basis in truth, if not in how it is characterized), often clearly intended as a put down of males, is perfectly fine under the reigning Hollywood ideology. Whereas highlighting women's special attraction (often enough) to men with power of various sorts -- money, fame, politics or sometimes physical power -- is dangerous ground indeed. Gee, I wonder why that is.

I thought this movie was OK. Chris O'Donnell and Renee Zellweger turn in OK performances. I think the language was too strong for a PG-13 film, and the film really lost steam in the last half hour or so. I liked the character of the priest, and Brooke Shields has an amusing cameo here. But the film on the whole isn't very good, and is forgettable. I think the premise was good and the execution was poor.

In Robert Altman's The Player, studio executives demonstrate how a film idea can turn from one person's artistic vision into a shallow appeal to the masses. When I watch a film like The Bachelor, I often wonder what went on when that film was pitched.

Chris O'Donnell is perfectly cast as the likeable hunk who can't quite bring himself to commit to marriage. Life with girlfriend Anne is perfect because she doesn't seem to have any desire to take that extra step either. The day that she does start to think about 'the future' things take a nasty turn.

O'Donnell as Jimmy struggles through a proposal, simply because his peers tell him he must. Anne turns him down, of course, because his intentions are not honorable.

The plot thickens when Jimmy's ornery grandfather dies and leaves a 100 million dollar fortune to Jimmy, the only surviving relative. The catch is that our hero can only collect the money if he is married by his 30th birthday, which just happens to be in one day. A daring move, one of the lawyers utters something about this being 'Brewster's Millions.' A clever line, obviously written by someone brave enough to admit that this plot is a total rip off.

With the aid of his best friend, a few lawyers and a stoic priest (played by James Cromwell), he sets about trying to win the heart of Anne. When that doesn't succeed, Jimmy goes through the list of old girlfriends, most of whom are personality challenged, and some of whom do not remember him fondly.

Anyone with a weak heart might melt at the image of O'Donnell running through the streets of San Francisco with a bouquet of flowers, others would probably be wise just to pass. O'Donnell and Zellweger play well in this film, but like most cardboard comedies, there isn't much for the actors to do.

One might spot an attempt a some black humor, in the same vein as better films like Heathers and Election, but it failures to even come close to those. The Bachelor presents an opening thesis using wild mustangs to describe men. As each of his friends gets hitched, we see them running along side a herd of these horses, a lasso about to snag them. This joke is mildly clever, but sadly it is also the best thing about the film.

If you are looking for a non intellectually stimulating romantic comedy, and this is on TV and you arenÕt really going to pay attention, and your main alternative to watching is staring at the wall, then you are in luck. The Bachelor is the sort of movie that seems about eight years old as soon as it comes out on TV. The special effects involving various men running with horses look about this old.

Basically the film revolves around the idea of bachelors as stallions powerful wild and free, the idea of true love, and functions as a frame work for ÒcuteÓ romantic cliches about true love and what not. Basically the best part that lasts more than thirty seconds is the proposal with Buckley. This is not worth watching the movie for.

The only non paid for reference (read non advertisement) to this movie that I have seen is something about Mariah Carey: from singing to acting, but this is the sort of ÒactingÓ that a fan would not want spread around. Oh well so much for long term artistic merit or historical value of any kind.

What interests me most about this movie is what bystanders thought when they saw the scenes with hundreds of wedding dress clad bride hopefuls storming the streets, running up and down the same hill over and over again until they got the perfect take, and generally walking around the city. The wedding dress scenes are very impressive and alone are almost worth watching the movie previews for. It is kind of sad that some sort of candid camera clip of bystanders staring at a bunch of actresses in wedding gowns would probably be more exciting than the movie, but thatÕs the way it is with The Bachelor.

I didnÕt think that this movie was worth my time, but some people just love happy little romantic comedies. I realize that I am not in this group, and consider this to be the worst movie that I have paid to see this year. Try as I might I will never get back my 5 dollars and the 90 minutes of my life spent on this movie. If you do watch this do something else, preferably something distracting, at the same time. Given any alternative donÕt watch this.