Steel

James Berardinelli gave this 2/4 stars - more than he gave "Trees Lounge." I find that hard to believe. This is one of the worst films I have ever seen in my entire lifetime, and I've seen quite a few.

It's yet another comic-book-adaptation based on a series that was unpopular to begin with. Shaq does his Attack as Steel, a superhero who runs around very slow in a heavy metal suit.

Whereas Spidey and Batman, et al, all have their special powers, Steel really just has a bulletproof metal suit - the "wire shooter" is a rip-off of the device used by Michael Keaton in "Batman." It attaches itself to a building and up, up and away he goes! However, the device moves at an astonishingly slow pace. Why didn't the cops just shoot him instead of standing there for over thirty seconds (yes, I counted) watching him pulled up into the air by a thin thread?

No matter. This movie is awful. Not even Richard Roundtree can save it.

And what's with the wheelchair lady?

Why, Bender, why?

Steel is one of those films where you constantly have to keep telling yourself "this is NOT a TV movie". A cheap, outrageously bad superhero vehicle for the acting... er... talents?... of 7'1 basketball player Shaquille O'Neal.

Commendably, the film does actually have three clear acts, and Steel's emergence, though underplayed, doesn't happen for over forty minutes. In-jokes are a-plenty, as it mentions Batman, Superman, Jerry Maguire ("show me the money!") and three instances of John Irons (O'Neal) having to net basketballs. The final time sees a life-threatening toss of a grenade. A lousy basketball player throughout, Shaq gets to quip "I never make these". Or would you prefer Richard Roundtree as Uncle Joe, who designs Steel's hammer for him? "I did the metalwork," he explains, "I especially like the shaft." Cue lots of double-takes and knowing glances, with Roundtree looking round, hands in the air, proclaiming "what?"

The special effects are reasonable for tv movie land, but, as this is (pinch me, I must be imagining it) a real cinema movie, they're quite cheap. Steel is badly written, contains atrocious dialogue, is poorly acted, shabbily directed and with an overbearing, repetitive musical score. It is, of course, tremendously entertaining.

This movie could have been lifted out of the doldrums with decent dialogue. Shaq was much better this time around (as opposed to "Kazaam", although that's not saying much). Burke's "wisdom" to his gang member is absolutely laughable, and especially don't miss Shaq's awful "cool, just like you" at the beginning.

Steel did some things right; some parts they tried to make funny were genuinely funny, and the plot was pretty interesting. However, the parts where you "laugh with" the scriptwriter are pale in comparision to those where you "laugh at" the scriptwriter.

In summation...you need to see this movie.

Steel is an awesome movie, a cinematic masterpiece. I have not had as good a time in the theater since I saw Steel. Steel's action is big, but the laughs are even bigger. It is one of the funnier movies I can think of. Shaquille is perfect as the super hero Steel. Every time he is in that ridiculous suit, with his goofy smile, I just have to burst out laughing. The plot is good too, and the action sequences are well choreographed. But the most important part of this movie is the many, many laughs. Richard Roundtree has some great jokes ("I especially like the shaft"). Annabeth Gish is hilarious as Sparky, especially at the end with her wheelchair that rises so she can stand ("You havent seen the best part"). Some guy gets killed because of a discrepency over the meat type in his hot dog. A pin is pulled from a grenade and 27 seconds later it blows up, after Shaq jokes about not being able to make free throws. Why the bad rap on Steel? I have no idea, maybe the angry comic book fans have no sense of humor. This film deserves a lot more credit, and Shaquille O'Neal needs to be back for a Steel 2.

I rented this film at Hollywood Video. I expected humongo crap. I was wrong.

While Shaq isn't the greatest actor (or basketball player- go spurs go!) the rest of the cast us pretty good. I enjoyed the antagonistic Nathaniel and the impress Henry family.

Yes, the music is not the best, but it's not awful.

The Bottom Line: An enjoyable action movie experience! 6/10 Chili Peppers!!!