- Scott: You'll never get away with this!
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: That's what they told Teddy Kennedy.
- Igor: She's mine! The girl is mine, she's mine! The doggone girl is mine!
- Count Vladimir Dracula: Look who thinks he's Michael Jackson.
- Mary: I have some skeletons in my closet.
- Scott (Romeo): Don't worry, we all do. I once let my math teacher, Mr. Higgins, French kiss me. I was failing and I needed the grade. But it doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's not like I enjoyed it.
- Mary: No Scott, I mean literally, I have skeletons in my closet. Bones, a skull, the works!
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: I warned you what I'd do if you let him get away! Does the name Kevorkian mean anything to you?
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: What a harebrained plot!
- Igor: Yes, master. Sorry for thinking.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You don't get *paid* to think.
- Igor: Come to think of it, I don't get paid at all.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: There you go again, thinking!
- Count Vladimir Dracula: Before I go, I must drink the blood of a virgin. That's the trouble with Transylvania, critical shortage of virgins.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You should never have let Madonna move in.
- [Mary picks up a small case]
- Mary: Where'd you get the old bag?
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: She was referred by an associate.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You've had a terrible trauma.
- Scott: I have? When?
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Now.