- Camilla: Felicia, look at you! Why, the hands of time have scarcely tou - Oh, no, now that I'm closer I can see that the hands of time have knocked you about quite a bit!
- Nicky Columbus: And that's Stupid Dave.
- Nora Wilde: "Stupid Dave"? I bet there's a funny story behind that nickname.
- Stupid Dave: Uh huh. I'm stupid!
- Dave: Hey, Nora, notice anything different about me?
- Nora: Constantly. But I was raised not to say anything.
- Dave: Hey, uh, is it horny in here or is it just me?
- Camilla: Nora, managing your money is so easy! You just use your credit cards! You pay your American Express with your Discover, your Discover with your Visa, your Visa with your Mastercard. Before they catch up with you, you're buried in a glorious crypt in Bel-Air!
- Camilla: I remember my wedding. I never thought I could be that happy. Then I got divorced and I never thought I could be THAT happy!
- Camilla: I didn't get to the ripe old age of... 41... by boo-hooing every time I had to get rid of a body!
- Chloe: It's a pledge. You don't have to pay it! Do you know how much money I "pledge" to public television?
- Sir Rudolph Haley: You'll never make it in the newspaper business if you cry every time I strike you!
- Nora: First date in six months.
- Stupid Dave: You haven't had a date in six months? HA! My record still stands!
- Nora: Actually, if you count my marriage, I haven't had a date in five years.
- Stupid Dave: HA! My record still stands!