Prince of Jutland

Before I watched this movie I quickly checked the user reviews, as I usually do, and was excited to see that it came from the source material for Hamlet. So I settled down with the dog and the popcorn. Half-way through I paused the movie and came back here to see if I could find out what the people who posted positive reviews were drinking or smoking because the movie I was watching was awful. From what I can tell it really, really, really, REALLY matters which version you are seeing. If it is not a very long movie, run away. Run. Very. Far. Away. The short version is a hacked up mess that makes no sense and the actors (except Byrne and Mirren and sometimes Bale) look wooden. And the 'crowd' scenes. Oh dear. (By the way this review would have been a lot shorter except for this odd length rule. Hope you weren't bored.)

When I got over the initial surprise of what this movie was,(for some reason the writers of the blurb on the tape packaging don't want you to know), I found myself enjoying it.

This is not Shakespeare's Hamlet, with poetry, dramatic speeches and opportunities for showy histrionics but a steadily paced re-telling of the original Norse legend.

It's not for everybody but I found the combination of bleak Jutland scenery, calm voice-over narration and the momentum of the Royal intrigues fascinating and hypnotic.

Good acting by the principals.

I liked this. It was the only version of the Hamlet story I've ever seen that used the Saxo Grammaticus original, and I got a kick out of that. The costumes, sets and locales were authentic, for once. I particularly like the addition of a sauna. If you didn't recognize this as the Hamlet story, you might think it simple-minded, but I thought it was wonderful to see Hamlet's bare bones, as it were.

I'm immediately thrown off by the costumes, which are all new fabric. Nothing is worn looking, all of it looks straight out of a fabric store. Leather for belts brand new. This is first time I have felt such a distraction over costume design.

The sets also seem to new to believe. New wood on boat, sail brand new material. All the pitchers on tables match along with drinking glasses. Candles all burning exactly. It is a "set" in the worst possible way.

Building appear to have been created hours before filming. Cute little community but no authenticity.

It's a shame that no one associated with the production/filming/director/actors brought up the obvious flaws in creating this movie.

I'm not quite sure how an 85 minute version of Amleth's story can seem longer than Kenneth Branaugh's five hour Hamlet, but somehow it does. Sadly, most of the time is yawningly empty except for lovely panoramics of the Danish countryside. The script is atrocious, making the rather dynamic Viking story of Amleth into some sort of whack emo coming of age story for (admittedly super hot) Christian Bale. Narration runs over the entire story (perhaps Brian Cox's turn in Adaptation was some sort of penance for being in this movie), but the scenes present are so badly shot one becomes grateful for skipping the rest via obnoxious voice-over.

So what gets this movie four stars? A fabulous cast, even if they are completely and entirely under-utilized. Brian Cox alone pretty much makes up for everything else lacking in the viewing experience. Helen Mirren's part is especially thin, but she does manage to get her top off, so core audience will be pleased. Christian Bale does well with a few moments where there actually are lines written, but his 'acting mad' schtick is tiresome, and unlike Helen, he doesn't get to show off topless (he is naked in one scene, but you see nothing... sigh). Kate Beckinsale is barely in the movie, but at least one can see the old nose, the old eyebrows, and the now missing freckles, and remember how cute as a button she used to be before she went Hollywood. Gabriel Byrne is mehh, mainly just sounding like an odd ripoff of Sean Bean. The real fun is his henchmen, a veritable cornucopia of 'where are they now' - we have Spud, Gollum, and Mr. Weasley! I can't honestly say that any of them have a part as written, but it's definitely worthwhile to see all of them so young (and in Serkis' case, thin!!!). Lastly, Batman Begins fans will be amused to see Tom Wilkinson cast as Bale's father, and remembering Wilkinson's 'they say he begged... like a dawg' line made a minute or two of this movie very nearly fun.

Movie is recommended if: you think Christian Bale is hot (100% satisfaction) you have to watch Brian Cox's filmography (78% satisfaction) you want to see Helen Mirren's golden globes (50% satisfaction) you are a Hamlet completist (60% satisfaction) you are planning a trip to Denmark (31% satisfaction)

Movie is NOT recommended if: you thought Cars was 'kinda draggy in the middle' (99% hatred) you have a Viking fetish (77% hatred) you like watching movies with a budget (65% hatred) you think Gabriel Byrne's redheaded accomplice is that guy from Dodgeball and First Knight (21% hatred) you just watched Underworld and want to see more of that Selene chick (40% hatred)