Scuola di polizia: Missione a Mosca

What is it that's so resolutely unfunny about Mission to Moscow? Is it the lifeless direction? The disinterested performances? The lack of atmosphere? The joke-free script? It's all of these things, of course, but there's also something inexplicably poor about it that you just can't quite put your finger on.

The regulars are the major weak point. While the guest cast have the misjudged enthusiasm to irksomely overact, all the usual culprits seem embarrassed by the whole thing. None of them sell their underwritten, reheated lines, and the fact that Bubba Smith and Marion Ramsey failed to sign up is a damning indictment. What comes through the screen, from George Gaynes to David Graf, is the sense of souls bleeding. "Please get me a proper job, there must be a better way to pay my mortgage" these actors scream with every fibre of their being. Leslie Easterbrook gets her usual single "my character's got big breasts" joke - why does she even bother to sign up for this crap? Michael Winslow looks old, tired, and frankly bored with the whole thing. Was his involvement only confirmed at the last minute? Because while he gives a curiously muted performance throughout, the script also fails to accommodate his talents in almost any way. Note that this is the ONLY Police Academy sequel in which he doesn't do his (admittedly run into the ground) "Bruce Lee" schtick.

Police Academy managed to keep up the same level of quality between films three to six - they were all rubbish. But even by their low standards Mission to Moscow plumbs the depths, making Citizens on Patrol look like Annie Hall. New recruit Charlie Schlatter, there for the completely incongruous love interest theme, is never funny and the Russian characters are the crass stereotypes you'd expect. Any film that promises "we're going to kick buttski" is clearly dumber than is tolerable, and a tasteless reference to Chernobyl doesn't help matters.

The only Police Academy film made outside the 80s, it was produced five years after the last one - why?!!?? Was there a big demand in the market for sh*te? Some cartoon sound effects (whistles, birdcall, etc.) are added to the action to try and pep things up, but this really is a DOA of a movie. True to form (or should that be formula?) it ends with an extended chase sequence that is neither suspenseful nor convincing.

Just look at scenes like the one where G.W. Bailey gets hit in the face with stew. The stew is clearly missing his face and just lands on his chin, so Bailey (the only regular who tries) moves his face so that the full brunt of the stew will land on it. This dedication to duty is admirable, but also perfectly highlights the sloppy desperation of the whole thing.

The series' move from the teen fodder of the first two, 15 certificate, movies had been subverted into the last five, PG cert entries. This is at its lowest ebb here; a comedy that seems wholly aimed at the under-5s and doesn't know what to do with its characters. Russian acrobats entertain the kiddies while its ... er... "stars"... are left to stand around like second bananas, giving unfunny reaction shots.

Maybe it's the "fish out of water" feel of it all, with the somewhat flat Russian espionage themes failing to ignite. But whatever it is, Mission to Moscow feels like a TV sitcom with the canned laughter track removed. In any other franchise this would be described as an "unfortunate, sad end" to the series. With Police Academy however, finishing with one of the unfunniest comedies of all time seems strangely apt. 2/10.

I can't say I laughed (but, well, I rarely laugh at movies) but I liked it. I liked the way Russians were portrayed in the movie (being a Russian :)) I have not seen other PA movies, so I can't compare, but this movie was interesting to me from the point "how do they portray us" :)

The fine men and women of the Police Academy get seconded to Moscow to help the police there deal with the threat of the Moscow Mafia. Namely one Konstantine Konali who has invented a video game that is sweeping the nation. He plans a sequel that will include a piece of software that will him access to any computer that comes in contact with the game. Can the officers get enough evidence before he succeeds? Meanwhile Lassard gets lost and moves in with a Russian family.

I always feel that when even the support characters start to back out of a film series then you're onto a loser. Surely the fact that even Steve Guttenberg felt he'd had enough by part 4 should have told the makers and the audience that enough was enough. The plot is – oh arse, what's the point!!? Imagine all the characters being allowed to get into all sorts of stupid and unlikely situations all in the name of dumb jokes and you'll have an idea of what this is about. The plot of bringing down the Russian mob is only evident at the start and end – the rest of it is just one silly pratfall after another. Some of it is amusing – I've always found Lassard's innocent wanderings to be pretty funny and the only smile I had was where he wnet off with a Russian family!

None of the cast have anything approaching ambition or drive. They seem happy to be sitting in their cartoon characters for 7 movies! Gaynes is as dopey as ever but I like that. Graf is dead now and it's sad to think this is his legacy. I have seen him in other films and he's OK when he's not just shouting and firing comedy guns. Winslow needs to get a new act – does anyone find `the human sound effect' funny anymore? Easterbrook is blonde with large breasts – and that's all the film needs her to do. Schlatter makes a weak lead man and is real poor. But wait – my God but who are these support actors?

Is that Claire Forlani? Why yes it is, well I suppose she was still at the bottom of her career ladder. Oh no – tell me that isn't Ron Perlman, but it was and he just seems content to be in an American movie no matter how bad it is. Worse still is the fact that Christopher Lee is in this at all – I know he is having a great spell at the moment but is this how low he sunk at one point?

Overall this has almost no smiles in it never mind laughs of any form. Even die hard fans of the series and idiots who laugh when they see the colour red will struggle with this.

This is a very advanced film. Pay no attention to past detractors who spectacularly fail to *read* the ironic witticisms of this amazing film, for this carefully constructed little gem tips its hat at past masters of the genre such (particularly Fellini) then proceeds to walk its own path of joyous hilarity.

Several key scenes are particularly brilliant, particularly the tongue-in-cheek satire of Bertolucci (no less, in the bathroom!), and the film resolves to a stunning climax whereby morality and forthright honesty overcomes all potential obstacles.

I strongly urge you to watch this film; its significance and monumental importance will forever stand the test of time.

10 / 10

Terribly unfunny addition to the "Police Academy" series involving no plot whatsoever. Guttenberg is gone, Goldthwait is gone, and pretty much the entire original cast is gone. Not that they were any good to begin with.

Continuity errors, including charactrs' names being misspelled on numerous occasions, make this (hopefully!) the last "Police Academy" film to come along. I'd actually like to see another one made, just so I can say, without a doubt, that this is the most-milked franchise ever.

0/5 stars -

John Ulmer