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In this Alaskan film, Joan Chen plays what is quite probably the last word in Sino-Eskimo snow bunnies.

Eskimo Joan represents the same sort of Hollywood confusion about racial boundary lines which saw Larry Fishburne play the Moor of Venice, and Jackie Chan cast to play the King of Pop in an upcoming TV movie. (I'm kidding about one of these.) Not to mention generations of Italian and Jewish Indians, and more white actors in blackface than there are seeds in a watermelon.

Joan is teamed here with Steven Seagal, quite probably the last word in inarticulate and extremely violent tree-hugging Buddhists. Sort of the Billy Jack of the Barents Sea. His jacket has more fringe on it than you'd see at a reunion concert by the Buffalo Springfield.

Together, they try to build a world where an interracial couple can be happy in an oomiak built for two.

A number of years ago, I spent nearly 8 seconds at a book-signing in the presence of Michael Caine. For each of those seconds, he was extremely personable. So it's a bit of a revelation for me seeing him playing his two-faced vicious Hun of a smooth oil company CEO. Old favourite John C. McGinley also appears against type as one of Caine's nastier henchthugs.

Finally, there's Seagal's direction which takes his film on this ecological walk through the woods which makes it all seem a little like Oliver Stone after too many days trapped in a sweatlodge.

It's so ridiculous I actually found myself enjoying the whole thing quite a bit.

Continuing my plan to watch every Steven Seagal movie in order I come to

On Deadly Ground (1994)

Following on from Under Siege, Seagal was at the height of his popularity and had the pick of projects. He made a deal with Warner Bros, if they financed this movie, he would make a more commercial movie for them, namely Under Siege 2.

I actually didn't hate this movie. It's preachy, silly and more than a tad ridiculous, but it was a perfectly fine action flick. It's a bit of a love letter to Seagal's own ego, as everyone constantly talks about how great he is, it happened that often it became a joke with me and me son.

Michael Cain (with a bad dye job) is in full pantomime villain mode, John C McGinley is always great and Billy Bob Thornton has a small role too.

It actually felt considerably longer than it's 100 minute run time.

When Danish actor Sven-Ole Thorsen (frequent Arnold co star) met Seagal on the set, Seagal asked Thorsen to kick him, to show what Thorsen was capable of. Thorsen hesitantly kicked Seagal, who caught his leg and threw him to the ground. Seagal asked Thorsen to kick him again, giving it his best shot. Thorsen kicked Seagal as fast and hard as he could, and Seagal fell to the ground. When shooting a scene together a day later, Seagal hit Thorsen in the throat, leaving Thorsen unconscious for three or four seconds. Seagal decided that Thorsen's character had died, and his remaining scenes were cut from this movie.

Seagal filmed almost forty minutes of footage for the environmental message at the end of this movie, and planned to use it all in the final cut. After pressure from Warner Brothers, and a disastrous preview screening, he cut it to eleven minutes, after more pressure, Seagal are edited the final scene down to about seven minutes.

On Deadly Ground opened at number 1 at the domestic Box Office (his 6th in a row) and grossed $38 million (on a $50 million budget) to end 1994 as the 37th highest grossing movie of the year. This was the first time a Seagal movie did not recoup its budget at the domestic box office. It was also the first time a Van Damme movie (Timecop) outgrossed a Seagal one.

I tend to actively avoid Steven Seagal films like the plague, and realize intermittently that I do in fact enjoy certain ones from back in the day. He's made a ton of trash, no doubt, but the clouds part every now and again, for select occasions like Under Siege, The Glimmer Man, Above The Law, Fire Down Below and the snowbound On Deadly Ground. The main marvel in this one is an incredibly hammy Michael Caine as the mustache twirling villain, a Big Oil maniac who has his amoral sights set on sacred land belonging to Inuit tribesman. Seagal plays yet another martial arts trained badass who takes it upon himself to bring down Caine, his nefarious capitalist plans and the violent mercenaries he has hired to wipe the land of indigenous natives. It's as silly as silly can be, right down to him falling in love with a beautiful Inuit girl (Joan Chen, actually Chinese), but enjoyable on its own terms when you look at the solid choreography, stunts and impressive location work. Also, the roster of villains is too good to pass up, starting with Caine's outright, wanton psychopath. We're also treated to the Sergeant himself, R. Lee Ermey as a merc with a particularly salty attitude, John C. McGinley over-playing one of his patented schoolyard bullies, and even Billy Bob Thornton shows up, adding to the sleaze factor. Watch for cameos from Mike Starr, Michael Jai White and an unbilled Louise Fletcher as well. Seagal directed this himself, so it's essentially one big vanity piece where he gets to play Dances With Wolves for a couple hours, but the trick is to see the unintentional comedy in that and enjoy it. Seagal is one of those goofs who I am not a ashamed to say I am laughing at, not with. Caine is the real prize here, and his merry band of assholes. An action flick is only as good as it's antagonist, and this guy is bad to the bone in hilariously over the top ways. A big dumb flick, nothing more, nothing le- well maybe a little less in places, but fun in other spots nonetheless.

Steven Seagal isn't exactly the poster child for peace and prosperity, so it's quite surprising that he was chosen for this film which preaches a sermon against pollution and so on and so forth; it justifies violence by saying, "Hey, but we're saving Mother Earth!" Sorry, Steven. It's not that black-and-white in the real world.

I admire that Seagal is trying to promote a "new image" with this film. Well actually no, I don't admire him, but at least he provided me with some laughs. This ranks right up there with some of Arnie, Stallone and Willis' most brutal films.

Please, stop with the pretentious, peaceful action movies. We pay to see your films for morally degrading butt-kicking and no-holds-barred fisticuffs. Not boring messages about saving the earth. Geez, Steven, if I wanted that, I'd go to church.

Forrest Taft is a trouble shooter for Michael Jennings' oil company. When the rig foreman comes to Taft with tales of faulty equipment Taft looks into it and finds Jennings is rushing the rig, compromising safety in order to drill within a 13 day deadline before the oil rights revert to the Eskimos. Jennings kills the foreman and frames Taft for industrial terrorism, bringing in mercenaries and the FBI to stop him. With Taft saved by the Inuits and taught the way of the bear he arms himself to stop the rig drilling.

In Seagal's debut as director he is given clear reign to base a story on a muddle of mysticism and environmental concern. The story is pure cod but it allows him to not only battle evil oil corporations but actually do physical battle with them. For half the film Seagal `dances with wolves' before he dumps all thoughts of spirituality, arms himself with a cabin full of weapons and does battle with the mercenaries as he tries to blow up the oil rig - he conveniently ignores the environmental damage done by this!

The action is the usual unimaginative stuff where Seagal does moves on baddies who come at him one at a time. He's starting to look a little old and out of shape here, but if you like his fighting generally then this is OK. It's a little hard to swallow when he takes on a elite group of soldiers but I suppose that if you're watching this type of film then you're happy with whatever you get! Once the film ends we are treated to a straight lecture on the environment and big business - it is full of open statements and sweeping requirements with no real practical solutions. Unlike his fights he doesn't hit the target once.

Seagal is as usual a terrible actor - only one facial expression, terrible one-liner delivery and generally no talent. Here, he shrouds himself in smugness and native American mysticism making it even harder to accept him. Caine has a laugh, hamming it up as the oil baron, but it's not a performance one could describe as good in any sense of the word - his American accent keeps changing to Cockney and back again! The rest of the cast are neither good or bad - they don't really have the material to do anything with - but it has a load of `name' actors. John C McGinley is alright, Ermey does what he always does (but has done better) and Billy Bob Thornton is in there if you keep your eyes open!

Overall it's slightly worse than most Seagal's films because of the environmental message being unsubtly rammed down the audiences throats. However if you like his fighting then there's maybe 15 minutes of enjoyment to be had here.