L'inventore pazzo

It's tempting to call CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD "Pee-Wee Herman IS The Hudsucker Proxy," but that would be a terrible insult to both Mr. Reubens and the Coen Bros. In any case, can we please enact a moratorium on idiocy? Carrot Top is...a surfer dude who strikes up a brief friendship with tycoon Jack Warden. When the old fart dies, Mr. Top is left the (cue title) of his huge invention corporation. But fart's nephew wants the seat at the head of the table, and he'll become the boss if the company stock drops too far. (Did Joel and Ethan settle out of court, or were they paid off while this movie was being filmed?)

Despite some nifty doo-dads and an amusing moment or two, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD does a) star a prop comic with a screechy voice who's now relegated to cheap AT&T TV spots, and b) contain jokes that seem to have been written during the first Bush administration. It's a movie solely for C.T. fans (both of them). Nobody else should bother.

So, who's next, Gallagher?

(Note: I was given a promotional soundtrack when this movie came out, and the CD has never been read by the laser in my boombox. It's made a nice dust collector over the years, and aside from a Ramones track that's available on countless other discs, I've never heard of the bands featured on it. Sprung Monkey? Hillbilly Soul Surfers? Do these names give you an idea of the intelligence level offered here?)

...You left Melrose Place to do a movie with Carrot Top!?"

-Norm Macdonald to Courtney Thorne-Smith on the Conan O'Brien show in '97

Really can't sum up how bad this movie is better than that.

The only interesting thing about this movie is that almost everyone who has a speaking role was in an episode of Seinfeld. The plot is that he needs to get the rent money and then they just forget that. He's an inventor who inherits a multi-million dollar manufacturing company and never thinks to make any of his great inventions. Just like in every "comedy", there's the completely useless love story that does nothing but add 20 minutes to an already unbearable movie. This movie is somehow less funny than Carrot Top's stand up comedy which is a miracle. If you want to try to remember all the bit characters from Seinfeld, this could be watchable. If you want to be entertained, run away.

You know what a good name for it would be? Box office poison.

I have to admit, the only reason is an interview Courtney Thorne-Smith gave back in '98 on the Conan show (plugging this film) during which she had the misfortune to have Norm MacDonald as the preceding guest. He proceeded to excoriate this film, Carrot Top, and, by implication, the film industry, modern civilization, and the nature of existence itself with admirable aplomb. See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL0WayC7jW0

It's funnier than the film. MacDonald is incredible. He actually got me to watch a Carrot Top movie based on his sight-unseen opinion of the film.

Courtney: "It's like 9 1/2 Weeks, but Carrot Top."

Norm: "So, it's like 9 1/2 Seconds?" (long pause) "'Cause he prematurely ejaculated."

Seriously, watch the interview.