Werewolf

Since capturing the MST3K version of "Werewolf" on tape years ago, I have sat down and watched it several times, trying to figure out how functional human beings could make a feature film that has a sloppier script, more continuity errors, less coherent performances and ends up making even less sense than a patchwork mess like "Space Mutiny".

Then I happened upon 'billybrown4''s suggestion that perhaps the filmmakers kept running out of money, waiting to get some more, and then trying to resume again over the course of several years while the actors and extras and costume designers and crews kept coming and going. That would explain a lot of things: Yuri's wildly varying hairstyles, Joe Estevez disappearing after the 1st 1/3 of the film, the way the werewolf keeps appearing in totally different guises (a bear, a bat, a hand puppet, Federico Cavellini in spirit gum and floor mats, etc.), Richard Lynch's apparent loss of interest in the whole problem in the last 30 minutes, the jarring "start-stop" feel of the movie and the whole plot thread with the 2nd werewolf (the security guard) which serves no purpose except to establish Yuri as a complete *ssh*le who will stop at nothing to 'be famous beyond (his) wildest dreams'.

Oddly, the movie is filled with physically attractive, photogenic people who nevertheless seem to have the personality of a sack of cement - this may have been caused partially by the fact that English is obviously a 2nd language for the three main leads, especially the female lead "Natalie". So your eyes are drawn to them while at the same time your ear recoils in irritation at their attempts to speak the vernacular. "Yuri" is very handsome and muscular, but chews the scenery without mercy. On the other hand (paw?), there is "Sam The Keeper" who speaks perfect English but looks like roadkill and camps it up something fierce. And there is Joe Estevez, who is an utter cornball, but still is one of the most interesting things in the movie.

So the actors who aren't wooden marionettes in this movie are complete Shakespearean level hams, except for poor Richard Lynch, who probably took the money and ran.

Other discordant and jarring elements in the movie:

1) The longest transformation scene in the history of Western cinema 2)A fight scene between Yuri and the werewolf in which the two actors are never in the same shot and Yuri seems to sustain fatal damage without ever being physically touched. 3)A scene in which the female realtor is thrown over a railing by the werewolf when she visits him in the house she rented to his human form, which fall should have killed or crippled her, but she walks away without a scratch - AND SHE NEVER REPORTS IT TO THE POLICE!! 4)The scene at the benefit party in the museum where "Loud Mumbling Breaks Out", followed by the one were Yuri attacks Paul Niles with the skull of the werewolf. 5)At one point Natalie tells Paul "You're our only hope..." What? Where did THAT come from?? If the archaeological project needed more money, all they had would have to do is issue a press release about the werewolf skeleton and they would have more money and attention than they could handle. Michael Jackson alone would probably bid upwards of $5 million to keep the skeleton after they were done. 6)Most egregiously, the infamous scene where the werewolf attacks the young woman who is necking in the jeep, and she jumps OUT of the jeep and runs screaming with three voices down the middle of the road, only to trip in her pre-muddied dress and founder in a 2 inch deep puddle. Where did her boyfriend go? How did the werewolf catch her when he was writhing along the road like a snake? We may never know...

Anyway, an invigoratingly sloppy and stupid movie. Watch this whenever you want to feel better about yourself in comparison to a bunch of clueless people who wasted thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours to make awful dreck.

Thrill to the harpsichord music in the pool hall scene! Wonder at our heroine's ability to abuse English syntax and pronunciation! Tremble as the "wuur-wilves" grow wispy hair extensions and don animal puppet heads before striking! Shudder from exposure to the looney militant caretaker! Cackle as the greedy and inexplicably violent archaeologist's hair style and color spontaneously change from scene to scene! And don't miss Charlie Sheen's uncle's critical role as an itinerant site-digger.

Let's face it -- the only way to watch this dud is with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew lambasting it. Richard Lynch, ordinarily a good character actor, must have really been hurting financially to allow himself to be seen (and wasted) in this were-dog of a movie. Other favorite parts of mine include the hero turning off a radio, abruptly ending the annoying spooky soundtrack, and (in the MST3K version) Mike and the 'Bots' sing-along variations on the end theme.

This is a film that was featured on my favorite television show Mystery Science Theater 3000. It made for a very funny episode of the show as there was just a lot of aspects to the film to riff. You had Joe Estevez who is Martin Sheen's brother who I am guessing only gets roles because he looks like his more famous sibling. You have a dude who changes his hairstyle several times during the film, you have a solid actor in Richard Lynch reduced to a very underwhelming role and wearing a grandmotherly sweater and you have the two lead characters who both sound like they are from the same country in Europe. It is not all bad though, as the werewolf at times looks pretty good and the lead female has a nice set to stare at, but that is just not enough to rate the film any higher than the two I have given it here. It was not boring though and there were also a couple of good kills, but there is just too much randomness going on in this one to rank it higher. The fact that the film goes in one direction and shows you the beast and then proceeds to take it in another direction with another main character kind of weakens the film.

The story starts out having people digging in the desert, searching for stuff. Well, they find the remains of something and then proceed to get in a fight that Richard Lynch must stop. One of the workers gets cut on the remains that resemble some sort of animal, but also has some human qualities too. Well the guy who gets cut becomes a werewolf and the guy who constantly changes his hair proceeds to make matters worse and soon the guy is a full blown werewolf who promptly gets shot. Is the movie over already? No, another character is introduced who goes to a party and somehow gets involved in the whole affair and gets cut too as the dude who changes his hair also likes to wield werewolf skulls as weapons. Soon, the writer who likes the girl with the nice rack and is apparently from the same country as him, starts changing and running through the streets and doing things!

This made for a great episode of MST3K. It is a bad film, but not a boring film. There is enough in it to keep one entertained throughout and for the gang to riff throughout too. The film is much longer without being on the show as I am guessing MST3K showed maybe an hour and ten minutes while the run time for the standard version is an hour and 39 minutes. That would probably explain some of the more confusing jumps in it, but I am pretty sure the movie would remain pretty bad even with the extra time as the two lead characters are still going to be talking with thick accents and that one guy may have even had a couple of more hairstyles on display. I do think there had to be more with Richard Lynch though as his character kind of disappears at the tail end of the MST3K version.

So, while this film is severely cut for its showing on MST3K, I am just going to assume that whatever was cut was not going to make this thing an Oscar contender. As I've said the werewolf looks pretty good at times, but a lot of the time it is just some hair here and there and at other times it resembles a bear. The characters are over the top and fun to make fun of, but it is kind of sad to see Richard Lynch stuck in this mess. The guy was in some good films during his career and this is most definitely not one of them! In the end though it is a perfect film for MST3K and I think that if they had simply continued to do the show as like a DVD release here and there after SyFy canceled it, they could do more justice to films like this because they could do more unedited versions. I am kind of curious to see an uncut version just to see if that one gal goes topless!

Believe it or not, this film starts out pretty promisingly. A team of archaeologists working on a dig in Arizona unearth the skeleton of a bipedal wolf creature. The Native American diggers are instantly suspicious, claiming that these are the remains of a Skinwalker. When one of them is struck with the skull during a fight, the gash becomes infected and the man begins to change into a living, breathing werewolf running amok in a hospital!

This could have been a good little film. But it lacks a decent script...and good actors...and a coherent storyline and convincing special effects and...well, it lacks more than it has. The plot (what there is of it) consists of an Andy Garcia lookalike taking FOREVER to transform into a wolfman, and a bodybuilding dork who runs around injecting random people with werewolf juice for no apparent reason whatsoever. There's also a redheaded love interest with the face of a rabbit and the personality of a coat hangar who loves the wolf and is pursued by the dork. Richard Lynch is here too as the head of the archaeology department, though the writer of this mess apparently had no idea what to do with his character and has Lynch wander around in search of something to do or say. Joe Estevez disappears with no explanation after the first half hour and is replaced with Sam the Keeper, an aging hippie/militia man who is far scarier than the werewolf proves to be.

This movie is just a total mess. Avoid it at all costs.

In an archeological dig site, the crew unearths skeletal remains that bear a mixture of human and canine characteristics that some on the crew believe to be a skinwalker (werewolf). During a fight instigated by site supervisor Yuri (Jorge Rivero), one of the crew is scratched by the skeleton and soon becomes ill. Eventually the crewman becomes a skinwalker through Yuri's intervention and mysterious inciidents involving beasts begin to plague the surrounding area.

Werewolf is a 1996 direct to video horror film made by Iranian filmmaker Tony Zarrindast. Zarrindast's career spanned all the way back to 1962 when he began directing low budget schlock in his native Iran, but following the Iranian revolution he fled to the United States where he continued to produce exploitation films with his same seal of quality (hence why he's nicknamed the Iranian Ed Wood). Werewolf is one of Zarrindast's more well known films having been showcased on cult movie mocking show Mystery Science Theater 3000 and were it not for its showcase on that show Werewolf might've faded into obscurity like so many other forgotten 90s direct to video genre fare. Given the nature of Tony Zarrindast's filmography, it should surprise no one that Werewolf doesn't work as a horror film as it's a sloppy mess of a movie.

To start off on a positive note, the premise behind Werewolf is intriguing at first. The nature of the werewolf in the film is tied to native American mythology involving skinwalkers (also called "yetiglanchi" according to the movie, but I wasn't able to confirm if this was a real term). The impetus of the skeletal remains of a werewolf still having the power to turn those injured with them into werewolves is an interesting concept on paper but in execution not so much.

The movie per the standards of its director plays very stiff and awkward with shots that go on too long, weird incorporation of animal sound effects that are non-diegetic, stilted deliveries from the actors many of whom seem like English may be their second language, and stiff robotic fight sequences that have the "punching tire" sound effect you may remember from every other 70s Kung Fu flick you've forgotten. Even the werewolf effects which are of paramount importance to any werewolf movie are really inconsistent with the make-up sometimes appearing as vaguely humanoid with fur around the face only to be coupled with insert close-ups that feature a puppet that has a significantly longer snout than the make-up used on the actors. The movie's also filled with confusing editing choices and obvious day for night shots that they don't even attempt to make convincing and I'd be hard pressed to tell you about the motivations of certain characters with action and reason seeing noticeable divergence.

Werewolf is a bad movie, but it's an amusingly bad movie. It has a nugget of a good idea when it comes to unique takes on werewolf lore but aside from that one point in its favor its pretty much everything a werewolf movie shouldn't do done anyway.