- Polly: I hear you've been having some problems.
- Clueless: It's my wife's sister. She's eating me out of house and home.
- Polly: Ate all the groceries, huh?
- Clueless: No, she ate my house which of course is my home!
- John Goodman: I think the igpays are a little upidstay.
- Andy Pig: He speaks the ancient tongue!
- Andy Pig, Randy Pig: Ereway otnay orthyway! Ereway otnay orthyway!
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [Pierce Brosnan and Kermit the Frog are in Bunsen's lab, Pierce Brosnan is cleaning his ear with a cotton swab] Now, where did I put my Super Ray of Death Cotton Swab?
- Kermit the Frog: Say, what?
- Bobo the Bear: [a red ray comes out of his opposite ear and blows a hole in the wall, seen through the hole, Bobo the Bear is taking a bath] Hey! This is the reason I moved out of the Y!
- Andy Pig: Cindy, if you're a supermodel, what are your super powers?
- Cindy Crawford: Well? I can do this.
- [Lasers come from her eyes and Andy flashes and gets vaporized]
- Randy Pig: Cool! oh Cindy! Cindy! Do me! Do me! Please Cindy!
- [Clifford gets into the supply cabinet instead of going through the doors onto the set]
- Kermit the Frog: Clifford, that's the supply cabinet!
- Clifford: I know that, it's a nice supply cabinet too. Nice and quiet. Let's cue the announcer shall we.
- Kermit the Frog: Cue the announcer.
- Nigel: Go Go Go Go Go Go Go!
- [supply cabinet is pushed on set]
- Announcer: And now it's time for "Muppets Tonight" and here's the host of our show - Clifford!
- [Rizzo knocks on supply cabinet door]
- Rizzo the rat: You're on, Clifford!
- The Great Gonzo: Clifford, your problems are solved, I've got an act thats gonna knock your socks off!
- Clifford: Well, put them on, man.
- The Great Gonzo: Your socks?
- Clifford: No, the act!
- Clifford: The only thing that's gonna save us now, Rizzo, is if a world famous superstar walks through that door...
- [door closes on Clifford]
- Rizzo the rat: Or that door.
- [Garth Brooks is singing a number from Fiddler on the Roof]
- Studio manager: I thought he was going to sing a country song.
- Rizzo the rat: Yeah, but he didn't say which country.
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [driving a speedboat] Look, no hands!
- [takes off his glasses and tosses them]
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: No eyes!
- Carl: [eating Bunsen's experimental Nice/Evil Biscotti/Chimichengas] I like this biscotti.
- [eats a chimichenga]
- Carl: But I hate this chimichangas!
- [eats a biscotti]
- Carl: And I love this biscotti.
- [eats a chimichenga]
- Carl: And I hate these chimichengas!
- [eats a nearby lamp]
- Carl: I love this lamp.
- [eats an alarm clock]
- Carl: Oh, I hate this alarm clock!
- [the clock he just ate rings and he vibrates for a second]
- Carl: Thank you!
- [bows]