Witchcraft 7: Judgement Hour

Good warlock Mr Spanner returns and this time he is battling vampires, just when you thought the Witchcraft franchise couldn't get any dumber it does.

This however was advertised as "The final chapter" alas they lied, in fact this was only half way through what is shaping up to be the worst movie franchise in history.

What concerns me most is the fact that these were not cheap films, they each cost an average of a million dollars each so why do they look so damn awful?

Judgement Hour also ramps the eroticism up, you can barely go two scenes without a sex scene or some level of nudity. I'm your standard red blooded male who has his hand on his junk at least 10% of the day, but still this was overkill.

Once again Witchcraft 7 is truly awful stuff.

The Good:

I'll get back to you on that

The Bad:

Naff villian

Appalling sfx

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

The Witchcraft franchise must have survived by devolving into softcore porn

One of the DVD special features was Julie Strains topless comedy jam, nuff said

Will Spanner (David Byrnes, the fifth actor to play the role in the series) stumbles onto another bizarre case, this time involving vampires rather than the usual witches, warlocks & demons (he's at the hospital to check on his friend's son who got hurt in a hit and run when they wheel a girl who's been attacked by a vamp in). He brings in Detectve Lutz to help out with the case which revolves around a clandestine vampire organization trying to get a business merger to go through to let them legally own all the blood banks in the world or some such nonsense.

The plot of this movie pretty much takes a backseat to the nudity & simulated sex scenes. (As is to be expected from this series, i guess). So complaining about the lack of good acting, or compelling plot-line, or even convincing characters, I suspect, would fall on deaf ears. If you're watching this film, you don't care about such 'frivolities' and just want some 'action'. Sadly on that front the film fails as well. All the woman are attractive enough but the way the scenes are filmed are just atrocious. Making this more or less an exercise in futility in every conceivable way.

Eye Candy: Both Kimberly Blair & April Breneman show everything; Ashlie Rhey shows full- frontal; Aline Kassman & Mai-Lis Holmes only shows their breasts

My Grade: D

Witchcraft 7: Judgment Hour (1995)

1/2 (out of 4)

Everyone's beloved hero Will Spanner (David Byrnes) is back but this time he needs a break from all those creepy and mean Satan worshipers. So, this time out Will decides to battle a vampire cult who like taking their clothes off as much as they can (and biting people every once in a while). As I make my way through the series it's clear that the films themselves aren't very good but thankfully up until this one they were at least entertaining in a bad way. This seventh entry is just downright awful on pretty much every level and this includes the non-stop sex scenes, all of which are shot in slow motion, which means a longer running time and more torture for the viewer. What we've basically got is about ten-minutes worth of plot and the rest sex scenes. Even for such a cheap series the adult scenes were usually at least somewhat erotic but that's not the case here. The scenes are shot very ugly, usually just a close-up of the girl's butt and none of them create any sparks. Even the nudity gets boring around the twenty-minute mark but I'm going to guess that this contains more nudity than most of the softcore pictures from this era. The vampire stuff is all rather silly and adds up to nothing. Byrnes really doesn't bring any energy to the role of Will and the supporting cast is just as forgetful. What's strange about this entry is that they bring back the two detectives from the previous film but this time they're played by different actors. That's not too shocking as this happens in low-budget movies but the weird thing is that one of the detectives is now played as a woman!

Will Spaner the warlock from parts 1-6 returns yet again for what has now got to be the longest (and worst) running horror film series in history. This entry finds Will having to do battle with some pesky vampires who are now overrunning LA.

Lousy premise is almost laughable, the acting and effects even worse. Directed with a bit more flair then the first 6, but still this series at this point is only about sex and this one has plenty of it. Unrated; Strong Sexual Content, Violence, Profanity, and Nudity.

This was supposed to be the final sequel in this awful series of films. But, guess what? They lied.

Story involves Will Spaner fighting off a vampire that is trying to close a business deal that could give him great powers. The stories in this series just keep getting worse and worse. The acting and direction are non-existent. The film looks cheap and the effects are some of the worse ever. I wonder what the filmmakers are trying to do? Make more sequels for a series of films, than any other series of films. Avoid this film at all cost. Rating: 1 out of 10.