Hard to Die

In the 80's and early 90's, one couldn't do any better for entertaining movie mega-cheese than Jim Wynorski or Fred Olen Ray. Ironically enough after the two collabreated on "Hollywood Scream Queen Hot Tub Party", neither's subsquesent movies were as entertaining. But I Digress, anyway this Wynorski film is about 5 girls doing inventory and stumbling on a puzzle box that contains the spirit of the guy from "Sorority House Massacre 2", but featuring clips from "Slumber Party Massacre" So of course they take turns showering, making insipid comments, running around in lingerie, and getting killed by a maniac. In short, great cheesy goodness.

My Mega-Cheese Grade: B

DVD Extras: Theatrical Trailer; Trailers for "Don't Sleep Alone", "Concealed Weapons", and 1997's "Expose"

Eye Candy: nearly all of the actresses get nude, take showers, or both

(*1/2 out of *****) In a cross between Die Hard and the Slumber Party Massacre (and Sorority House Massacre) movies, a deadly spirit is released into a high-rise office building while a group of pretty female co-workers who work for the ACME Lingerie Company are staying late doing inventory on one of the upper floors (as well as showering and trying on the merchandise). As in Sorority House Massacre II (which was filmed and released roughly the same time as this one and which, with the exception of the building setting, basically follows the same plot), one of the girls becomes possessed by the demon and starts butchering her scantily-clad friends before they even get the chance to have a pillow fight. Luckily, the remaining gals find a crate full of automatic weapons and, next thing you know, bullets are flying, blood is splattering, and breasts are bouncing. I won't lie to you, T&A can often carry an otherwise lousy movie a long way, but that's hardly the case with this one (still, I went ahead and gave this turkey an extra half-star solely for its wall-to-wall display of frilly teddies and lace panties.) Orville Ketchum (as `Himself') appears as the same character he plays in SHMII, and he even narrates a near-identical flashback sequence lifted from the original Slumber Party Massacre. As a testament to the bad writing and Wynorski's equally bad direction, the tiresome and ridiculously indestructible Ketchum pops up around corners every three or four minutes and just stands there looking stupid -- a very bad idea. Seriously, he's one of the most annoying characters in B-movie history, and if he's meant to provide comic relief, it doesn't work. Joe Bob Briggs `LOVED' this movie, and it admittedly does have its charm, but not enough of it to cover up the wretched acting, writing, and directing. Low-budget and horror movie cameo king Forrest J. Ackerman has a lengthy role as Dr. Ed Newton, who sits in his office the whole time. The back of the video box shows pictures of scenes from an entirely different movie. Wynorski has the honor of being responsible for some of the worst drek the slasher genre has to offer.

Lowlight: The death scenes are laughably staged -- one girl gets pulled off-camera from behind by somebody with a hook, and then an obvious bucket-full of fake blood is splattered against a concrete wall. Stupid, stupid stuff.

Hard to Die (1990)

** (out of 4)

Unofficial third film in the SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE series features most of the same cast as the second film, although they're all in new roles (obviously). The story is pretty simple as five ladies dressed in lingerie's must fight off a killer while trapped inside a skyscraper. HARD TO DIE is a pretty silly and over-the-top film that is quite campy from the first scene to the last but what else would you expect from director Jim Wynorski? Like the previous film, this one here has a few confusing moments dealing with a completely different series. The Orville Ketchum (Peter Spellos) character from the previous film is introduced here as the "suspect" from the "previous events" but when he tells the story of what happened that night, instead of using clips from SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II they instead use clips from THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE. I'm not exactly sure why this was done as the story here perfectly concludes what happened at the end of the previous one but oh well. As for HARD TO DIE, it's a fairly entertaining movie as long as you don't take it too serious. The five actresses obviously all have big boobs and they're constantly shaking around throughout the 78-minute running time. The actresses are all good for what they're asked to do and this includes one of the most obvious "shower scenes" in the history of horror movies. Forrest J. Ackerman has a brief bit as does Wynorski who plays a porn director. Spellos is a lot of fun as the suspected killer who is constantly scaring the girls no matter what he's doing. There's a long-running gag dealing with him scaring the girls, which is pretty funny and we get an even longer running gag dealing with his constantly being shot, beaten, stabbed and yet he can never die. The gore level isn't all that high and you never really see any deaths on screen as we usually just hear a scream and then blood being splashed on the wall. The film eventually runs out of steam and especially when you consider this is pretty much just the previous movie only just set in a skyscraper. Either way, fans of trashy and silly direct-to-video movies should get a few laughs out of it.

Pretty good, mindless fun; better than part II was.

A group of four (or three, or five, depending on the scene) scantily clad, large-breasted babes open a box from hell, and unleash a familiar demonic killer in plaid, who proceeds to wreck havoc in the high rise office building they're working in late one night. They open another crate, from which two more scantily clad babes fall out of and onto the floor. They finally realise that something isn't quite right, so turn to conveniently located high powered weaponry to stop this murderous fruitcake in plaid.

The sprinkler system goes off, just as an excuse to turn it into basically a wet t-shirt contest, and give the girls an excuse to shower. Not that there is anything wrong with that, however. The same lightning flashes from Sorority House Massacre II, which was lifted from Gilligan's Island, are reused again here for mood lighting.

This is a bit of moronic fun, better than part I and II (Sorority House Massacre I and II) were, but it still can't quite reach the same levels of high camp that it wants to, and ends up being a bit too silly for its own good. Not to mention long. But, any movie with Robyn Harris in a nightie is well worth watching.

This mountain of melted cheddar is dumb, dumb fun. Director/producer Wynorski (who also helmed the raucously cheesy Chopping Mall) proves himself to be the unsung B-movie hero. Wynorski's films win because he creates schlock that believes in itself. This production doesn't have an air of superiority. It carries its ludicrous premise with a conspicuous joie de vivre and at a boisterous pace, all while avoiding the doldrums of self-parody. Wynorski also succeeds in that his intentionally funny and over-the-top ending is actually funny. He thus accomplishes the rather difficult task of creating a film that people will laugh at AND laugh with.

This film is actually the third entry in the Sorority House Massacre series, but stands just fine on its own (I've never seen the two preceding SHMs). It may be the best of the trilogy, downplaying the derivative slasher element that defined the first two films and instead taking an exuberant action-horror-comedy slant (the title, in case it wasn't obvious, is an obvious spoof of Die Hard). Just the image of our trashy-lingerie-wearing, bloody-breasted heroines brandishing automatic firearms is enough to alight the predilections of any cult film fan.