Terror in Beverly Hills

My hat goes off to John Myers, if I were wearing a hat. This movie manages to cram into about 90 minutes every cliché known to the action genre. Take a disillusioned serviceman who just wants to be left alone, a misunderstood Middle Eastern terrorist, and an unending supply of B-Grade actors, add in over $50 worth of special effects, and you have one hell of a movie. It can't get any better. When terrorists kidnap the president's daughter and kill her security detail of 3 Secret Service agents, naturally, only one man can save her. No need to call in the FBI Hostage Rescue Teams or military commandos, because one lone Special Forces soldier is called back on active duty by the Commandant Of The Marine Corps. (Why a Marine is giving orders to a separated Army member is never addressed.) With his trusty coil of blue rope and an M-16 with one magazine of bullets, Hack Stone (Frank Stallone) enters the terrorists lair of "the old bean factory". But the evil, Third World bad guys play dirty pool by kidnapping Hack's wife and son. Using stealth, ingenuity, and some form of martial arts no one has ever heard of, Hack sends the bad guys off to meet Allah, one by one. Will Hack, working alone in the bean factory save the presidents daughter? Will the Chief of Police, just days away from retirement, save Hack's family? And will the annoying newscaster who looks and sounds a hell of a lot like Jon Lovitz ever appear in another film? For the answers to these and other important questions, like what's with all the cans of Diet Pepsi, or when did the presidents daughter get a chance to change her underwear, you'll have to watch the film. Good luck finding it, I got my copy in a used video flea market for $5, and after 6 years of faithful service, it has spoken it's last cliché. It was produced by A.I.P.Home Video, which I believe does not have a web site (might be out of business). If you enjoy movies with minimal plot, zero originality, not very special effects,bad lighting and audio, and endless technical errors, this is your movie. This movie contains gratuitous female nudity, liberal use of the f*** word, and all around bad acting. Not recommended for children or people without felony convictions. I love this film! Mrs. Stallone must be proud. Two fine actors from one family. Watch out, Baldwin Brothers! UPDATE: AS of 2002 (or so) this "film" is now available on DVD. You can find it in the bargain bin of less reputable video stores, or get it on ebay (Postage is usually more than the purchase price). Just like the VHS version, audio and lighting are less than desirable. No cast or director comments. I would have loved to hear the back story on making this masterpiece.

Hardline terrorists bloodily execute a kidnapping in glitzy Beverly Hills on able crooner Frank Stallone's watch, their first mistake! Routine 80s cheapnis B-Shoot 'em up is given additional heft by smooth due Stallone and B-legend Cameron Mitchell. Shallow, crass, and technically shoddy, its frequent bellicosity should keep hardened schlock-seekers amused! Moth-balled dialogue, bouncy, low-rent synth score, cheapo pyro, daytime soap thesping, conspicuous Pepsi product placement, and a weirdly dubbed William Smith lend Terror in Beverly Hills some additional schlock-tastic charm! Will the beleaguered president (William Smith) acquiesce to the evil terrorist's demands and release 55 of their Palestinian brothers? Watch the gloriously dopey, goof-laden Terror in Beverly Hills to find out, just don't say I didn't warn ya'!!!!! Snarkiness aside, Cameron Mitchell's hilariously hypertensive Police Chief is an expletive, bad-tempered treat! Slicker than a well-oiled whetstone, tougher than whale bone, granite hard marine Hack Stone is a one-man war zone!!

Often the symbol of decadence, Beverly Hills took a cinematic beating in the early 90s through films like THE TAKING OF BEVERLY HILLS (1991) and this cheap Frank Stallone action flick. Actually, calling it "cheap" is an insult to cheap films. This film is on the level of Al Adamson cheap. We're talking one long shot of a white limo driving down the road while characters voice over as much exposition dialogue that the shot will allow cheap. So cheap that a bomb consists of nothing more than a lump of clay with a digital watch face pressed in it. And yes, so cheap that William Smith's trademark gravely voice is dubbed. You get the point. Yet at the same time, they managed to shoot on location in Israel for the opening.

Top billed Stallone stars as Hack Stone (yes, Hack Stone), but only appears in roughly 10 minutes of the first hour of the film. A majority of the time spent concentrating on Abdul (Vassoughi) and his Palestinian terrorist group as they hide out in an old bean factory. TERROR tries hard to elicit the thrills of DIE HARD but on a stretched budget of $10. When Stallone finally shows up for work in the last half hour, he enters the abandoned factory with only a rope and an M-16. I guess anything else would be unnecessary. And he manages to take out the entire terrorist unit without even using the rope! The film's sole highlight is the completely foul mouthed, over the top performance by Cameron Mitchell. As Police Capt. Stills, Mitchell seems to be making it up as he goes along, to great effect. While holding a press conference, an airplane flies overhead and Mitchell stops what he is saying to mutter, "Goddamn airplane!" Later he yells at a plain clothes cop, "Who the f#*k told you to wear that outfit?" When the cop replies, "You did," Mitchell barks out, "Well you know I have no f#*king sense of style!" Then again, maybe it was scripted that way. The screenplay by director Myhers (who co-scripted the Don Knotts/Tim Conway vehicles THE PRIZE FIGHTER and THE PRIVATE EYES) is laughable. "Come on man, don't be an a#*hole," utters Stallone when he finally confronts Abdul.

My review was written in March 1991 after watching the film on AIP video cassette.

This 1988 actioner about Middle East terroritsts is topical fare for video fans who don't mind a B-pic approach.

A group fo Palestinian fantaics, led by Behrouz Vassoughi, fly to Beverly Hills and kidnap the American priesident's daubghter and demand the relase of Palestinian prisoners. Frank Stallone, who runs a karate school, is brought in and the terrorists kidnap Stallone's family.

John Myhers' perfunctory direction and a score that sounds too much like Stewart Copeland's tv "Equalizer" music brand this film as strictly routine. Despite his top billing, Stallone's role doesn't occupy much screen time. William Smith as the president is unconvincingly dubbed.

Everything has to go exactly perfect in the bad department to produce a true epic of bad. Such perfection obviously struck a home run with "Terror in Beverly Hills". Bad script, check, bad director, check, bad acting, check, over dub all dialog, check, washed up name actors on board, check, overkill Pepsi product placement to pay for the atrocity, check, gratuitous nudity, check. Now stir this awfulness up and hope what emerges from the cinema sludge is not just bad, but great bad. "Terror in Beverly Hills" hits all of the above great bad qualifications, and thus can take it's rightful place along side what I consider to be Oscar material bad cinema, "Mighty Peking Man". Pepsi must be extremely proud to sponsor such greatness, with product placements everywhere. Cameron Mitchell is a standout here, and acts like he never even read the script while he totally improvises his Police Captain character. It's also possible he was paid per F. bomb he drops, or the inept director just said "surprise me" with your performance - MERK