- Boy in Laundromat: That's a Groger Blaster, the most powerful handgun in the universe!
- Brick: That's right, fat boy!
- Debi Alejandro: Kevin, did I tell you to tell everybody in the neighborhood that we have a spaceman living in our house? Don't you think we have enough problems?
- Kevin Alejandro: But mom, what's the fun of having an alien if you can't show it off?
- Gang member: What the fuck are we fuckin' waitin' for? I mean, fuck this shit! Fuck, man, the fuckin' set-up is fucked up! The little fucker knows what kind of fuckin' shit is fuckin' waiting here to fuck him up. So let's get the fuck out of this fuckin' deal, and go lookin' for the tiny little mother-fucker!
- [Brick arrives at a hostage situation at a laundromat]
- Skyresh: Brick! Happy to see you. Hell of a mess. Nut in there with thirteen hostages. The mayor wants us to give in.
- Brick: I'm suspended, remember?
- Skyresh: Yes, but you've got any ideas?
- Brick: I got an idea. I'm gonna use hot water for my whites, and a cold wash and a warm rinse for my colors.
- Skyresh: What're you talking about?
- Brick: Laundry, Captain. This is where I do it. Excuse me.
- Brick: What do you want?
- Sprug: I'll tell you what I want, Bardo. 50,000 molecular ions. And I'll get them, too. You know why? Because my cruiser is loaded with a dimensional fusion bomb that'll blow the atoms of this city into another universe unless they pay up.
- Brick: It'll never happen.
- Sprug: Why not?
- Brick: Somehow you'll fuck it up. You always fuck it up.
- Brick: When will this nightmare be over?
- Debi Alejandro: It's not a nightmare.
- Brick: Then what the hell is it?
- Debi Alejandro: It's the South Bronx.
- Maria: A 13-inch man? Are you sure it wasn't a dream?
- Debi Alejandro: I'm serious! Come over tonight and see him for yourself.
- Maria: I'd love to see a 13-inch man...
- Braxton Red: We're going to war!
- Armbruiser: With who?
- Braxton Red: With the fucking doll man, who else?