Dice Rules

the opening segment, which explains how andrew became "the diceman," may be the most hilarious & entertaining thing i have ever witnessed. clay showcases his little-seen acting ability & shows a penchant for slapstick, physical humor. those who can't find the humor in this opening film must be spending a little too much time sniffing airplane glue. even if you aren't a fan of dice's stand-up shtick, i suggest that you rent "dice rules" to get a better appreciation for his talents as a comedic actor. even though the concert portion (the sold-out show at madison square garden) isn't his best, it's still filled with classic dice moments that will bring a nostalgic tear to any true fan's eye. but i'd pay top dollar for this movie just to hear the super-square andrew utter lines like: "have you noticed how my savings have started to accrue?" simply put, he's unbelievable.

Watching this embarrassing spectacle was a reminder that the dumbing-down didn't start just yesterday with Paris Hilton's generation. Clay is unfunny and primitive to the bone, hence no wonder the crowds looked like as if every single American gas-station attendant and janitor had been flown to the gig to watch their one and only hero spit out nursery rhymes that any 8-grader could top given just ten minutes and a paper and a pencil.

The humour is beyond sophomoronic: it is utterly predictable and cheap. I'm one of the biggest proponents of political incorrectness in comedy, but being solely un-PC does not a good comedian make. The material, I am convinced, was specifically/intentionally targeted at the country's lowest demographics, and by that I mean the lowest IQs, people with the lowest education levels, even physical appearances. I've seen more intelligent/better-looking crowds at TV evangelist mass prayers. Watching a bunch of moronic riff-raff recite Clay's infantile rhymes was like sneaking a peak at your typical day at a school for the mentally-challenged.

Besides, making fun of invalids is not only downright pathetic, but the easiest thing anyone could possibly do; like stealing candy from a baby. Hence those "gags" were the worst. "Ha-ha, those midgets, they're so short, see!" It's amazing that even the most bird-brained truck-driver would find this amusing...

Clay hasn't even got half the charisma necessary to pull off any of these cretinous jokes. In fact, to get away with such ultra-inferior material, he'd have to be 20 Eddie Murphys, Ricky Gervais's and Dana Carveys rolled into one.

In this stand-up routine Dice plays to a sold-out Madison Square Garden. Using a lot of profanity in a stand-up routine is the easiest way to get laughs; but it's also the laziest way! No one knows that better than Andrew Dice Clay! In fact he made a mint getting paid the lazy way! Since the audience knew most of his jokes; he had to come up with some new material. Clay is a talented actor; despite his foul-mouthed routine.

I can't say I expected much of "Dice Rules" at the beginning. It starts out with a series of lame sketches, giving us a pseudo-autobiographical look into Dice's life and how he inhabited this persona. He pretty much does this ludicrous Jerry Lewis impression, and I only laughed seldom. But I was glad to see Eddie Griffin, an underrated comedian, in one of his early roles. He appears as a gas station attendant.

Once we hit the 30-minute mark and arrive at the concert portion, all is made up for. Nonstop laughs! Dice delivers his trademark ultra-crude, ultra-explicit, ultra-nasty and ultra-funny humor. Those who don't get his humor, those who are easily offended--You shouldn't be watching this movie in the first place! For fans of Dice...you shall not be disappointed.

Sure, he's very frank with the cuss words, but I'm able to tolerate it because I know it's all an act. I mean, he's not even Italian! He's a Jew doing a very exaggerated impersonation of one. So you know all the rudeness is strictly in jest.

If you want big-time laughs...roll the Dice and take your chances! Just make sure you fast-forward through the first portion. Just stay for the stand-up.

My score: 7 (out of 10)

I was moved to write this comment after reading several of the negative comments. I was a HUGE Andrew Dice Clay fan in the 80s and 90s. I was even a member of his fan club. I had his first five comedy albums memorized. So, I admit, I am a little biased. But, I feel that those who are writing poor reviews for this feature are selling it short. I truly question those who call themselves "Dice fans", then say that this feature is unfunny and annoying. I ordered this on pay-per-view when it first came out. My friends and I were literally on the floor laughing for most of the movie. I taped it, and my friends and I memorized the skits at the beginning and would whip out lines from those skits for years after we first saw it. I am tempted to say that this is one of his best performances. But when you look at "One Night with Dice", "The Diceman Cometh", "For Ladies Only" and "No Apologies", it's hard to say that any one of them is the best. They are all equally good when you take into consideration the point in Dice's career that he made them. As for any performances after those, or any albums after "Forty-two Long", don't bother with them.