The Boneyard

Somewhat a forgotten kooky 90s zombie low-budget horror film that seems loosely inspired, tonally and set-up wise at least, by Return of the Living Dead. Slow to get going, real slow and mainly set in the one location; the graveyard shift at a mortuary on its last legs. However during the slow first half of nonsensical story exposition, and drawn out character exchanges. I actually found the character banter (by a stellar cast) rather amusing, especially Phyllis Diller's bark (which could be more ferocious than her poodle) and Ed Nelson's deadpan reactions to keep you engaged before the ludcrious thrills and ghoulish FX finally breaks out. And when it does, it doesn't disappoint.

Trapped inside with creepy rotting, and gooey zombie kids (from an age-old curse) munching away on corpses that suddenly turns into some wild, and goofy mutated monster fun. Maybe at times low-scale in its excitement and gets you wanting more than what's presented by rushing through the mayhem, but the imagery (FX I mean) is indeed a sight to behold... permed muscle-bound monster poodle anyone?

P.s. Diller's stunt double diving over a table in a grey wig won't be fooling anybody... that moment made me chuckle.

Detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his dimwit partner Gordon (Jim Eustermann) coax troubled 300 lb. psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) out of retirement when a series of unexplained homicides start adding up. Clues lead the trio to a mortuary one night where the dead bodies of three Asian children are resurrected into slime-spewing ghouls who trap the principal characters in the basement and go on a gory killing/possession spree.

After a slowwwww start (and a "huh?" flashback that is SUPPOSED to explain things), this really picks up and becomes a nifty little horror comedy with a good sense of humor, attempts at characterization and some surprisingly cool comic book-style FX (like a giant mutant poodle!). Good supporting roles for veteran character actors Nelson, Norman Fell (as a mortician with a ponytail) and Phyllis Diller (as the cranky night desk clerk who transforms into a creature that will make your eyes pop out of your head!). The director also scripted and did the FX for this fun feature.

The Boneyard (1991)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

A couple cops and a psychic investigate the murder of three children. Their investigation leads them to the coroner's office where they quickly learn that the children are in fact zombies and soon everyone is trapped inside the building with them.

THE BONEYARD is your typcial low-budget horror film from the 90s that really doesn't have much originality to it and in fact it really doesn't have too much good about it. You've got a couple former stars thrown into the cast, some decent special effects but there's no question that a lot of the running time doesn't have too much going on.

I say that because the first forty-two minutes of the movie has the two detectives and the psychic doing nothing but talking. At first I was wondering if I was watching another movie because for a horror movie there's certainly nothing going on for the longest time. Once the zombie children show up things do pick up a bit and one can't help but wonder why they waited so long. Everyone knows that "something" needs to happen every ten-minutes so making us wait over forty was just a major mistake.

The zombie children actually look very good and for the most part the special effects were better than I expected and that's especially true for a couple "large" creatures that show up towards the end. The performances are pretty much what you would expect as they range from decent to poor. Norman Fell and Phyllis Diller are on hand and Ed Nelson was also good in the lead.

THE BONEYARD should have and could have been much better but it gets off to such a slow and bad start that the film never fully recovers.

I purchased the DVD for a very cheap price and took a gamble on the film and remember reading somewhere at the time (1990)the film was being made starring Diller and Norman Fell. I thought this has got to be a hoot to see. Well....IT WAS....The story fails miserably but the special effects are great, especially when the Monster Diller mimics....well sort of.... Dillers real laugh. Diller is somewhat funny in this film and in the interview on the DVD she states "It was all in fun" and talks about the making of the film and the fun she had. Any Diller Fans will really get a kick out of the interview, especially her infamous LAUGH. I was really hoping for a funnier Norman Fell(Three's Company) but it just didn't happen,instead he was coming off as being serious. Its too bad that not all DVD'S have behind the scene interviews and trailers,etc. I purchased "CREEPSHOW" and Nothing,no interviews,behind the scenes,what the heck were they thinking,at least Boneyard later went in to get all of this coverage.

Upon seeing the video/dvd box, you may brush this off as a silly Z-grade horror flick, seeing as the picture is that of a giant mutated poodle. HOWEVER, this film at times is downright frightening, with just enough laughs and a bit of drama to keep it totally interesting. The movie is worth renting alone just to see Phyllis Diller as the morgue attendant, Miss Poopinplatz. This is the only film in her career that she wears her own hair and not a wig. Her one liners are priceless. You will also see Ed Nelson and Norman Fell. Not your usual horror film cast, but it works. The story centers on a 400 pound female psychic, disheartened by the way her life is and a cop who has befriended her in the past and needs her help again. The scene where she "remembers" a dead child she helped find is truly scary, yet touching. The 3 dead children (whom she is enlisted to get a feeling for) are absolutely terrifying. The special effects/makeup team deserve applause for their work. They will make you shudder. But for all the scares, there is enough cheesy-ness to lighten the pace, such as the poodle, and the fact that as they are running up a ladder in the roof of the morgue to escape the poodle, our "heroine" cannot get all the way up because her butt is too big to fit through and she has to go back and face the poodle! Lots of gore and gross-ness too. The DVD is a collectors edition and loaded with extra features!! This is a horror film well worth the watch.