Blood Massacre

This long shelved ( filmed sometime in the mid 1980s ) shot-on-video horror begins with Cinemagic Visual Effects logo staying on screen seemingly endlessly, while mashing down random keys on a low quality synthesiser, before crummy 80s music from no-name bar band. Everything in this opening scene in the bar is filmed in close-up, and with a fog machine being used to simulate smoky atmosphere, making it difficult to follow what is going on, or to notice the cash register, which is seemingly left over from an old western from the 1940s. Lead guy then orders " Beer ". Not, for example, a Heineken ( my preference ) , he just orders a beer. I love it when a movie does this, as though there is only one single type of beer on Earth.

" 🍺 "

After drinking his * beer * , bar guy kills people, later meets up with a trio of thugs, they debate what to do next. " I don't give a f***, let's just do something! ". Indeed.

So, they rob a video store! While wearing their Kim Carnes '81 Tour shirts, with a Freddy Krueger standee watching, these morons rob a mom and pop video store, and kill one​ person in the process. The entire robbery sequence is silent, with more terrible, almost comical, music dubbed in.

Later, a witness by the name of Captain Obvious tells police, the killers are " gonna hurt somebody! " , after they've already committed murder.

The Last House On The Left plot elements kick in, as the quartet of killers hold up in farmhouse with a family held hostage, but the hostages turn out to be cannibalistic killers, more dangerous than the original quartet of killers, and the family hunts them down and kills them one by one, in slightly gory fashion.

Film then switches gears, and becomes a wilderness survival horror in final fifteen minutes, as the original killer bar guy is the only survivor, ( making the presence of the other three villain characters completely pointless ) and he must fight for his life in the woods, against this cannibal family.

This film then features one of the most baffling, " What the f***? " plot twists I've ever seen, as the cannibal family peels their flesh off, to reveal not only are they cannibalistic killers, but also unkillable skeletal aliens!

* speechless *

Blood Massacre (1991)

** (out of 4)

Four punks rob a video store (hey kids, remember them?) and kill the owner's daughter. They decide to hide out in a farm house but they don't realize these farmers are actually blood thirsty cannibals.

Director Don Dohler made some interesting science fiction films in his career. He's certainly a rather interesting director but this film here is completely different than his earlier ones. What is most interesting about this film is the various production issues, which you can read about on various sites. There were basically two different movies shot, one sold illegally and then the director released what he had on his own.

As far as the film itself goes, there are elements of both THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT as well as THE Texas CHAIN SAW MACCARE. The director was obviously trying to cash in on the success of the slasher boom but by 1991 the boom was already dead so this was being released to a rather empty market. The film does have a few memorable moments that keep it from being a total waste but at the same time there's just nothing here original enough or fresh enough to hold the viewers interest.

I will say that I enjoyed the setting of the picture and the low- budget nature actually worked well with the story itself. Another plus is that there was a good finale with some nice gore but there's no question that the film needed more of it. The criminals were all rather annoying but the cannibal family were slightly interesting. As you can see, the film has some good but some bad as well and in the end it's a decent watch but that's about it.

I'm guessing the only thing that got this movie anywhere was it's title. The title is pretty clever. What could be better than the words 'chainsaw' and 'massacre' being in the same title? The words 'blood' and 'massacre' of course. The box art was pretty awesome too, showing a head with some ribs on a platter. How could any horror fan avoid wanting to watch a film called "Blood Massacre" with body parts on a silver platter?

The case and title makes it feel like your picking up either a slasher film or brutal cannibal film. It's niether that. You got this gang of crooks that come across this family in the woods and they end up being cannibals. Sure, cannibalism is beautiful in horror films, but in this film, it wasn't very graphic like the box suggested.

Overall, the film is worth buying for the Slasher Film collector only, merely because of its rarity and its awesome boxart and title. But for entertainment purposes, don't expect much.

Don by name, 'the Don' by nature, maverick-minded, luridly inventive, low budget horror impresario, Don Dohler, truly is the Grindhouse gift that just keeps on giving, and I have a powerful yen to express my boundless joy at experiencing his gruesome, George Stover-starring, wickedly gnarly sounding home invasion insanity, 'Blood Massacre' (1991), and such a tantalizingly blunt title could only mean one thing, the entirely welcome reality of yet another gob-smackingly gory instalment of deep backwoods-weirdness that only the diabolical dean of B-Movie delirium, Don Dohler can deliver!

Murderously misanthropic, foul-mouthed ex-Vietnam vet and full-time creep-master, Rizzo (George Stover) is the most vociferously distempered member of a disorganized, douchey crew of ghetto-grungy, unsophisticated freebooters whose last impromptu violent Video Store heist yielded little more gain than the tenacious, wholly unwanted attentions of Detective McGuire (Herb Otter Jr.) and a sudden desperate need for immediate sanctuary!

The far from fortuitous theft of a car, and subsequently bad mojo-inducing kidnapping of a young woman, lickety split leads this querulous, terminally trash-mouthing mob to her remote family home where fulminating tensions within the dismally dysfunctional gang are merely the foul-mouthed prelude to a cannibal-crazed, blissfully bad taste Blood Massacre! Huzzah!!! Even if venerated celluloid shock troopers Wes Craven, John Waters and Andy Milligan had combined their not inconsiderable horror-making idiosyncrasies they still might not have reached the exultant WTF apogee of low budget maestro Don Dohler's cheap-jack, adrenaline-jacked backwoods' skeezoid slasher classic, 'Blood Massacre'.

'Blood Massacre' is another hen's teeth elusive example wherein the conspicuous lack of funds, and rushed, expeditious 'look' of a 'seat-of-the pants approach' to gonzo filmmaking adds a fabulously frantic verisimilitude to the macabre Helter Skelter insanity of maestro, Don Dohler's idiosyncratic insanity, dude!!!

The most fun 71 minutes I've had in a long time! If anyone can ever get there hands on this one definitely give it a view.