Tartarughe Ninja alla riscossa

I dare anyone to hate this movie. Come on. I triple dog dare you. Sit in front of the TV with a bunch of your friends and just try not to like it. You can't. It's impossible. I was a full fledged turtle fan back in the day (I don't think the fad lasted long enough for us to earn Trekker-type names) and of course at that point, I thought it was the Gone With the Wind of our time. That, obviously, it's not. But there is something just incredibly charming about a bunch of giant turtles acting like typical sit-com kids. One even gets yelled out for sneaking out past curfew to see Critters 2. If it comes on TV, even my dad has to pause to watch at least one fight scene. If someone in a college dorm pops it in, legions of kids will exclaim "Holy sh*t! Is that Ninja Turtles?" and then plop right down in front of the TV to watch. You have to give a lot of credit to the guys who made this film. It was released in the height of the craze so they could have thrown anything on the screen and it would have been a hit. (See Ninja Turtles 2). But instead, they tried to make it the best film they could, despite the subject matter. They came up with an almost relevant, after school special type plot. The jokes and references range from Moonlighting to John Steinbeck, and the fight scenes are done in the spirit of a Jackie Chan flick. Add the fact that there are giant turtles doing the fighting, and you get a funny, imaginative, and just plain likeable movie no matter what your age. Sure, it's about pizza loving ninja turtles. But it is the best movie that could ever be made about pizza loving ninja turtles. That has to count for something.

A quartet of mutated humanoid turtles clash with an uprising criminal gang of ninjas.

First of all, it is worth noting that the late editor Sally Menke (1953-2010) worked on this film before going on to make some of Quentin Tarantino's best work. When watching Tarantino, it is hard to imagine that the same hand was responsible for the Turtles, and yet this is the case.

Growing up in the 1980s, the two big influences on my childhood were the Turtles and He-Man. Both received feature films. The Turtles received this -- a clever, dark and yet humorous story along with a worthy sequel. He-Man had some bizarre alternate dimension story. (Let us not even talk about Super Mario Brothers.) Not only is this film great, but it is even better when you realize how horribly wrong it could have gone.

Further, for me, this was a defining role for Elias Koteas. He has been in many big films, but this was his breakout role and still the role I picture him in despite the added decades and receding hairline...

Forget the "kid friendly" sequels, forget the Michael Bay remakes, forget the CGI experiment. This, right here, is and still remains the definitive Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. This got the vision laid out by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird most accurately: A dark, edgy, tongue-in- cheek parody to Frank Martin, Daredevil, Cerebus and New Mutants. Sure, you still had some of the cartoon elements thrown in for good measure (the colored masks, the surfer lingo), but compare this one to the other movies and this one followed the closest to the original comic book series, which was written for adults. The violence has been toned down significantly, as has the cursing, but it's there, on a lower level. As a kid, I was confused about why this was so dark and almost scary. Later, reading the underrated comic books, I learned this was what TMNT was originally envisioned as. Eventually, toy sales and Saturday morning TV won over the comic book, but here, for one brief movie, the turtles, as they were meant to be seen by their original creators, got their time in the sun. The writing isn't terrific and the acting not award winning, but still a fun movie to watch from time to time.

On your first read of the title, you may think "Ah...the Ninja Turtles...kid's stuff". That conclusion is partially understandable, considering the fact that most people's minds drift towards the Saturday morning cartoon show, which was made for little kids. But if you are one of the handful of people who remembers the original TMNT comic book and how dark it was, you will probably think more of the name. This live-action version of the Teenaged Turtles reaches back into its comic book origins and sacrifices the kiddie stuff in favor of a darker, more brooding film. This is the key to this movie's greatness. It shows the Turtles how they were meant to be shown. The movie is still fun, though, supplying the viewer with all the early 90's teenager slang and ass-kicking that you can squeeze onto celuloid. The only problem is that the whole Ninja Turtles franchise has come with a love it or hate it tag attached to it, often times giving it a bad rap that it really doesn't deserve. The film is no Blade Runner or Spiderman by any means, but it's still a great little piece of cinema that you can just sit down with a bowl of popcorn (or maybe a pizza) and enjoy without much thought. Sadly, this is as good as the series gets (not that this movie could get much better). The sequels (TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze and TMNT 3) aren't really that great. TMNT 2 lacks the gritty edge that makes this movie good (having Vanilla Ice on the soundtrack doesn't help much either) and TMNT 3 is obviously aimed directly for the little ones. This is the great little movie. COWABUNGA!!!

There's no CGI in this bodacious, brazen, balls-to-the-wall blast of pure butt-kicking, nineties-slang spewing and turtle-y awesome fun, just pure rubber, rubber, rubber and it is absolutely beautiful. If you don't have a smile on your face from beginning to end, I can't help you my friend, because there's almost nothing more entertaining than these four teenage turtles just doing their thing, even if it is a bit camp and strangely slow on occasion. Mikey loves being a turtle and it's easy to see why; this is simply some of the most fun I've had in a long time (also one of the best comedies I've watched in a while) and it reminds me just how bad the joyless remake really is. It finds a perfect balance between levity and seriousness, meaning that you're constantly smiling and everything just adds to the absolute joy of it all. It's also surprisingly action-packed and well-versed in that area, too. A blast from beginning to end. 7/10