Quest for the Mighty Sword

I find I often like really bad movies,they can have a certain charm that is appealing. I can't say that this is one of them. Poorly written, bad editing, clumsy acting, goofy costumes, incredibly disjunct yet so simplistic you don't have any trouble following the lack of a sensible plot. It's sooo bad that it sucks you in and you feel compelled to see it through to the bitter end (ack, make it stop.....). Viewers will recognize Eric Allan Kramer from 'Men in Tights' and other movies, plus his most recent stint as 'Bob Duncan' on the Disney Channel. I like him a lot but I'm not sure what compelled him to do this rather fascinating bit of rot. At any rate even though I'm sounding really negative about it, if you've not seen this flick it's probably worth watching once so that you can say with pride that you suffered through it and can comment knowingly about it.

I must plea with you, do not watch this movie! Unless you want to know what not to do in a movie, then that's okay. We all must learn from others' mistakes. Such as: hiring people that can act; do make-up; edit sound; do special effects; edit film; produce; direct; and proper caterers, 'cause these people were emaciated from lack of talent.

All the "Ator" films are on the dullest end of the cheap 80s sword-and-sandal revival, but this one has promise for its slender "Troll 2" connection. The reality is not all that much fun, though, despite being as dumb as you might hope for. In one of his last non-porn features, Joe d'Amato does the best he can with very limited means for a fantasy action film, but that only means it's got some professional sheen. It certainly isn't good, and it isn't so-bad-it's-good, either.

The weirdest thing about it is that it lacks the one minimal thing any movie of this type delivers: A warrior hero whose rippling muscles are constantly displayed, and usually seem to be the main reason he was cast. This guy had a career in fight choreography, yet he's got the face of an overfed ex-fratboy who "used to play football," and perplexingly he's always clad in in loose capes or ponchos or whatever, so it seems like they're going out of their way to hide paunch. He's not as wooden an actor as "Ator" originator Miles O'Keefe, or several other screen muscle dudes you could name, but let's face it, this is the kind of role where pecs speak louder than line readings. The women are attractive, including glorified cameos by veterans Laura Gemser and Marisa Mell. But it's all pretty dull, and silly in a self-conscious rather than unintentionally funny way.

Think of the worst movie you have ever seen. Now go out and buy a copy of it on DVD. When you get home, open it up, pull down your pants, and take a huge smelly dump on the disc. Then load it into your DVD player and this movie should play.

If it doesn't play this movie than the only explanation is you somehow found a DVD of, The Room. In which case, taking a huge smelly dump on the disc might improve the movie.

Really, the only reason to watch this farce is to make fun of it.It might also make a somewhat funny bad movie night, or a good movie to make out too as you ignore it, though I find it hard to see how even the most skillful man could entice a women to sit through even the first ten minutes of this cinematic travesty. Was this even in the theaters? Maybe in Moldova.

Oh yeah, and the guy that plays Ator is the dad from Good Luck Charley. That makes it worth watching just to see that guy make an ass out of himself, if you happen to know his work from that show.

Otherwise, I'd steer clear of this dreck and leave such viewings to those of us with no lives, and more than enough time to waste between Leven Thumps novels, and tenth re-readings of Ender's Game

I'll always have a special place in my heart for this movie, bad as it is. My sister and I ran across it years ago on HBO and quoted lines from it all summer. In fact, we taped the movie and I often made other people watch it, but nobody seemed to think it was as funny as my sister and I did.

I think what I find most interesting about this movie is that the filmmakers would even try to produce an action-fantasy epic with the $500 budget they apparently had. Usually, your independent filmmakers have a general sense of their limitations. They tend to shoot small films that can get by on small budgets. But the folks who made "Quest for the Mighty Sword" thought BIG. They must have had remarkable confidence in their film-making ingenuity--a real belief that through a little clever camera angling, they could turn their fifteen cents into a dollar--turn their plastic sword, overweight lead actor, and single troll costume (used for almost every monster who shows up in the film) into a passable fantasy experience. This isn't "the little movie that could." It's "the little movie that thought it could, but couldn't." Something about that, however, makes the film lovable in its own way.

In any event, I sincerely envy these filmmakers. Their power to view the glass as "half full" must be nearly inhuman. They must be pretty happy people, generally speaking.