Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout

Linnea Quigley is one of the sexiest girl's around, and in the 80's if you wanted trashy, sexy, funny good times you got a Linnea movie. This movie is a tribute to Linnea and most of her films, as well a hilarious workout video that borders on erotic. 4 stars! Plus it has a slumber party scene and working out with the living dead how cool is that!

It's technically a workout video, but there's no actual instruction. The performers flail around on screen in often seemingly-random ways that are impossible to follow, made even worse by the cinematography and constant cuts.

It's technically a horror video, but it's not frightening at all. The horror creatures are played entirely for comic relief.

It's technically a comedy, but every single attempt at humor is painfully stupid and unfunny.

It's technically a softcore erotic video, but the gyrations of scantily-clad women are far too awkward to be sexy in any way.

So unless this is a masterpiece of experimental filmmaking where I'm missing all of the nuance and subtle philosophy, this amounts to an utterly worthless waste of time.

Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout (1990)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Whereas BILLY THE KID VS. Dracula was one of the drive-in eras biggest cult favorites, this thing here has to be one of the crowning achievements of the VHS era. I'm sure anyone who grew up in the 80s remember the days when you'd walk into your local shop and never know what new, weird title you'd find on the shelf.

We all know that Linnea Quigley was one of the biggest stars of the VHS days and this here has to be her most outrageous film. Part documentary, part workout video and part slasher, this film offers up quite a bit in its 61-minute running time but without a doubt the main reason it was made is so that her fans could see her naked (again). Basically we start off with Quigley talking to the camera and then going through some of her movie clips. From here she shows us her workout, which leads her to going for a job when she's attacked by zombies. She's worried about the "shape" that the zombies are in so she leads them on an exercise. Later, after another workout, Quigley and her girlfriends are stalked by a psycho.

Anyone who would actually take this film serious are certainly watching the wrong movie. I think as long as you come into this thing with an open mind then you should be able to have some fun with it. Quigley is certainly attractive enough to where it's easy to just look at her beautiful body but she's also quite charming here and manages to be very funny as well (especially during a "stretch your muscle" joke). The zombie scene is funny in its own way and the slasher segment also does a nice job at spoofing the type of horror films that were being released during this period. At just 61-minutes I will admit that the workout stuff gets a little dragged out a bit but there's still no question that fans of Quigley will enjoy watching this.

An absolute must see for fans of national treasure Linnea Quigley. How anyone could dislike an entire "movie" devoted to her is beyond me. This is a collection of clips from her films with new segments featuring Linnea showering and working out. It's all sexy fun just like the star. If this doesn't put a smile on your face you might want to check your pulse.

After taking a quick shower, the actress presents us with the challenges of her profession and what it means to stay in top shape for the occasion, eventually finding her activities interrupted by a horde of zombies and a masked killer targeting her friends that threaten to put an end to her fitness quest.

This is an incredibly fun and enjoyable cheesy genre outing. The initial setup here of her doing the routine of what made her famous in the genre before starting the main gist of the film itself by going through the clips from her films that show the purpose for everything to take place and then turning into her dance routine of stretching and cheeseball come-ons makes this start quite fun. The knowing winks and nods about what's going on, even down to the attire or the way the camera keeps moving in for better shots of certain parts of her anatomy, help to complete a solid sleazy atmosphere even with a hint of class to the project knowingly making these sorts of remarks that help to bring about a knowing tongue-in-cheek approach to everything. The second half involving the arrival of the zombies and her encounters there continue the same spirit of things as we get to see the requisite lighthearted chasing and running around before getting to the outright enjoyable exercise routine. This gets the absurd visual of her leading them through a full-scale regiment that includes enough nods to genre convention and hysterically funny concepts for how she's able to deal with them that it manages to keep the same sense of style and approach that the first half carried. The slumber party section is a chance to go for a slasher route that comes off rather well with the returning montage of clips and exercising before leading into some decent chasing for a change of pace and some gore, leaving everything fun enough and cheesy to be quite enjoyable.

Rated Unrated/R: Nudity, Language, and Violence.