Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil

They just keep getting worse and worse. This offers all the bad direction, acting, script, special effects, poorly plotted situations, etc. that one could ever want. But it does offer two good things: plenty of naked blond haired women and a whole lottaaaa sex. If you don't like either one of these two things ( is something wrong with you if you don't find that appealing? )avoid this at all cost. Rating: 3 out of 10.

I'm sure you've already read the plot so if you can look through the cheesy special effects and dreadful, monotonous music every time the bad girl gets it on it isn't bad. The chief warlock looks ridiculous and the bad girl can't act to save her life but she looks great in a see through nightdress so who's complaining.

For me I'm a sucker for big natural boobs and the blonde bad girl has them and we get to see them. I don't watch these kind of films for the plot or comment on society so a pair of big, non fake breasts being squeezed and covered in sweat works every time. Some of the other girls aren't bad. A shower scene between the good guy and his girl is OK but she's got fake ones and thus not for me that sexy.

I'm in the process of binge watching the Witchcraft franchise and am fast starting to think this is the worst movie series of all time.

Here in the 5th part we see the return of William the warlock, except now he's played by a different actor as I'm sure the last guy had enough.

He's spellbound by a rival warlock who uses him to collect souls for satan, or something.

With some of the worst overacting I've ever seen and sex/nudity in every other scene this really pushes for the title of worst Witchcraft movie. I'm not sure it is, but it's certainly on par.

I'd recommend the Witchcraft franchise thus far to people who like *Ahem*, people who are into *Hmmmm* guys and gals I don't like? *Shrugs*

The Good:

Boobs, what? I'm a simple man

The Bad:

SFX that hurt my brain

Antagonist is hammy to ridiculous levels

Cringe inducing

Dull plot

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

I didn't know Ronnie James Dio was a warlock

Poor girl, her top keeps falling off

I can go on and on and on about what's wrong with this film, but why bother? It's no fun pointing out the flaws of a movie that's supposed to be bad. And if the makers of this crap thought they were doing a masterpiece--may God have mercy on their souls.

I am just gonna be frank. I read a review for the movie in my Blockbuster Video Guide saying that it contains "exposed breasts galore." Well...they were right. Lots of gratuitous shots of large, surgically-enhanced (I'm guessing) breasts. What's a crappy horror movie without the gratuitous nudity? Exactly!

The acting and f/x (if that's what you call 'em) are so inexplicably bad that I had to wrestle my hand off the "Stop" button. Maybe it's because I'm an aspiring filmmaker and actor myself. A low budget is no excuse. Look what Kevin Smith did with the micro-budget comedy "Clerks." John Carpenter's pockets weren't exploding with cash when he made "Halloween." But when he did the killing sequences, instead of explicitly showing us the blood and gore, he left it up to the audience's imagination. And he still scared the pants off many viewers! In one scene of this movie, the villain sticks a sword through this guy's stomach and we suddenly cut to this stupid close-up shot of the blood dripping off the sword, as if we're supposed to believe it actually got pushed through his body. As for the computer-generated f/x...what the hell was that! They must've stole 'em off someone's screensaver!

If I have anything good to say, this film is good for a few laughs. Unintentional laughs, that is. They should've at least used a tongue-in-cheek approach. That way we can be laughing WITH them. And of course, if you wanna watch some good nude scenes that's a plus. But you can always save yourself the trouble and rent a flick from Surrender Cinema. That way you won't have to wear out the "Fast-Forward" control as much.

My score: 2 (out of 10)

David Huffman steals the show in an amazingly hilarious performance as Campy Cain the warlock. A bizarre mix of homoerotica and strange facial expressions combined with odd stances ( the bar scene ) and dialouge - " I need to get some more coffee", " I do magic - hypnosis".

The special effects are diabolical.

How there are 14 of these films is beyond me.

I love the soft core porn elements.

David Huffman, who went on to do absolutely nothing else after this Oscar worthy performance, really should hang his locks in shame.

Pretty awful film, but saved by the blonde bad girl.