Skeleton Coast

John 'Bud' Carlos's boisterous B-Cult actioner is gleefully engorged with the inestimably voluminous Thesping talents of Ernest Borgnine, Robert Vaughan, and deliciously dramatic dynamo Oliver Reed! This titanic triptych of titanian-tempered talent is no less robustly backed up by the majestically muscular presence of hench Euro-cult icon Daniel Greene, and no less delicious Drive-In legend Leon Isaac Kennedy, acting alongside the masterful character actor Herbert Lom! This explosively entertaining boy's own adventure being given some additionally sultry sizzle with the griddle-hot glamour of voluptuous vixen Nancy Mulford whose far from trifling, terminally titillating talents are put to bodacious gun-slinging use! When this Teflon tough gang of mongoose mean mercenaries take on a dangerous rescue mission in war-torn Angola they very soon find themselves up to their bulging bullet-belts in a Semtex-thick, guerilla-seasoned stew of sadistic adversaries, whereupon these equally dirty-minded denizens of doom riotously reveal that they are more than capable death-dealers themselves!

Fans of gonzo film-maker Andy Sidaris, or Martini cool Filipino action director Teddy 'Blood Debts' Page are sure to get a B-movie charge from the gleefully Gung-ho, bone-rattling bellicosity of the vastly underappreciated VHS-era actioner 'Skeleton Coast'. If there is space for David Winter's epic 'Rage To Kill' in your cult movie collection then you clearly have ample room for this low-budget, high voltage actioner from the more than capable B-Director who also spawned grindhouse schlock siblings 'The Mutant, 'Kingdom of the Spiders', and luminously lugubrious cult shocker 'The Dark'! With the breathtaking beauty of its East African vistas, deliciously dire dialogue, an ear-wormingly brilliant theme, and plentiful absurdity makes the bonkers B-movie boner 'Skeleton Coast' a surprisingly meaty 80s action treat, that is best served with multitudinous beers, and a no less generous side order of well salted hams!

This film is one of the greatest illusions I have ever witnessed - It managed to make my interest disappear right before my very eyes. Astounding! The acting made my hair stand on end (without any wires) and at one point I must have been hypnotised, because to this day I still haven't been able to recall anything redeeming about this film. There was some discreet mind-misdirecting going on during the act, I mean film, because my mind didn't just begin to wander, it took a bus halfway through the film and didn't turn up until the next morning. Conjuring Oliver Reed up in this film was a pretty clever gimmick as well. The penultimate showpiece was a "sleight of hand" trick: where I gave 36p of my money (via Amazon) for this DVD and never saw the cash again - simply amazing! All these of were mere parlour tricks though, compared to the final, and best trick of all... the one where I sawed the disc in half!

One has to wonder why all these Hollywood actors signed up in 1987 to do a movie that was a co-production with South Africa. Even when you put that fact aside, what you still have here is a very strange production. For one thing, can anyone figure out why Oliver Reed's character is in this movie? He makes a couple of appearances, then bam! he's gone and never is seen again. Herbert Lom's character could also easily be written out as well.

Anyway, the movie overall is kind of talky and a little dull. Though there are some nice African locations, some decent action sequences, and Ernest Borgnine once again gives an entertaining performance. You get a little more out of him in this role because it gives you a rare chance to hear him swear (something Borgnine doesn't like to do in a movie), and you get to see him really ham it up when he disguises himself as a Cuban colonel (!) A movie to watch while you're reading a book.

My review was written in December 1988 after watching the movie on Nelson Entertainment video cassette.

Attractive visuals of the Namibian desert highlight this actioner from producer Harry Alan Towers, returning to the locale of his 1965 Edgar Wallace tale "Coast of Skeletons" with a new story.

Bad guys this time are safe targets, the Cubans and East Germans, involved in a border war in Angola. Ernest Borgnine toplines as a worried daddy, who organizes his own cutrate "Dirty Dozen" (actually only seven) commando unit in crossover into Angola and rescue his son, a CIA agent who's been captured and is being tortured for info by evil East German commandant Robert Vaughn.

Along the way Borgnine & crew also have a run-in with evil South African diamond security chief Oliver Reed. There are numerous escapes and recaptures before the ragtag mob, aided by rebel general Simon Sabela, head to safety with a horde of stolen diamonds as booty.

There are solid action scenes and large-scale explosions to punctuate the cornball story with Borgnine especially giving his all to breathe life into a stet character. Vaughn, who played the good-guy daddy in another recent Towers production about kidnapping, "Captive Rage", wisely uses his normal accent as the Germanic baddie here.

Among the commandos, statuesque blonde pinup Nancy Mulford looks out of place but acquits herself well in hand-to-hand combat with the guys. In one of seven southern African-lensed pics he's made in a row,, Herbert Lom makes a token appearance delivering exposition as Borgnine's local contact.

I own this movie on DVD having somehow missed it when it first came out, and i have to say i was impressed. What started out looking like it was going to be a waste of 90 minutes viewing time and a good number of brain cells turned out to be a fun, amusing, and enjoyable feast of cheesy dialogue, great action, and good music.

The credits list Oliver Reed and Herbert Lom as main characters but this patently isn't the case. They would have been paid hansomely to appear in their cameo roles, in which they do quite well, giving hammy but very amusing performances. This paradox is one of many questions hanging over this film, which feels at times like a cliche but is actually quite entertaining.

In the lead is Ernest Borgine, a realiable campaigner who doesn't seem to out of place in the film despite the fact that he was 70 when starring in it plays Colonel Smith. He is ably assisted by Daniel Greene as Rick Weston, whilst former UNCLE star Robert Vaughn as the East German baddie.

What i expected to be a real stinker full of old hams and a rather tragic affair turned out to be a nimble little East African romp with some great-looking loactions, which should have been used to greater effect, some nonsensical but intriquing plot development, and some title music that is a real gem if you ever coem across it.