Open House

A serial killer kills wealthy real estate agents in weird, sadistic manners whilst complaining about the injustice of such people in society on the radio to an over-confident radio psychologist. The production is anything BUT upscale. The only real stars are the homes themselves, some of which are breathtaking, and a much misused and out-of-place Adrienne Barbeau. Barbeau plays the head of a real estate firm that just happens to be dating the radio shrink. Lovely as ever, Barbeau is surrounded by third-rate performers, a lacklustre script, a miniscule budget, and plodding direction. It is a shame to say, but the only "real" highlights of the film are seeing Ms. Barbeau topless. The years truly have been kind to her, for she is a sight to behold. Unless you wish to satisfy some minor voyeuristic needs, leave Open House just open.....and empty.

Like too often the case with 80's slasher flicks, sadly, is the VHS cover of "Open House" a lot cooler than the film itself. The cover image shows the front of a house of which the open door is replaced with a sinister tombstone. If only Jed Mundhra's screenplay was equally sinister and creative! But oh well, my standards for late 80's slashers are generally quite low, and this flick could still be a lot worse. Many of my fellow reviewers around here pretend that "Open House" is the worst bottom-of-the-barrel slasher of the entire 1980's, but then I guess they haven't seen the decade's much bigger turds like "Blood Lake", "Appointment with Fear", "Deadly Games", "Dreamaniac", "Cardiac Arrest", "Sledgehammer", "Hollow Gate" or "The Stay Awake". There you go, all this just to say that "Open House" is bad but not hopeless and actually quite endurable. There are a number of redeeming elements in this flick, like good-looking babes (if you dig typically 80's scream-queens that is), a handful of cheesy gore highlights (chopped off head in the pool) and a pretty amusing (albeit not at all petrifying) psycho-killer. The killer remains off-screen for most of the running time, but you can quickly derive that he is an obese pervert with a couple of awkward fetishes. He inappropriately giggles the entire time and eats cans of dog food! Not the relatively tasty-looking kind of dog food, mind you, but the sort of disgusting industrial junk that I personally wouldn't even feed to sewer rats. For ridiculous reasons that are neatly revealed during the climax, our sick killer targets real estate agents in the wealthier neighborhoods of Los Angeles. He primarily goes for pretty and vulnerable female agents, but if they happen to be accompanied by male customers or lovers, he doesn't hesitate to waste them as well. The killer also regularly calls radio psychologist David Kelley to rant on the air, and then learns that Dr. Kelley's girlfriend is also a real estate agent… "Open House" completely lacks suspense and coherence, and too many plot aspects already featured in other movies. The interaction between a maniac and a radio DJ, for instance, is something that I've seen in other movies before. And yet, horror flicks with Adrienne Barbeau are somehow always worthwhile – those who have seen "The Fog" will definitely agree with me – and all the death sequences are rather nasty. Also, some of the houses that these poor real estate agents are trying to sale are really terrific! There's one a house with the most impressive and astounding pool/swimming pond that I ever saw.

Horrible, horrible, horrible. The only redeeming quality I could salvage from this achingly slow and sloppily made excuse for a bad horror movie was telling people how awful it is and summing up the plot for them: "It's about a guy who goes around killing people with razorblades glued to a stick because he's angry about the price of real estate." As an aspiring filmmaker, I'm not sure whether I should cry over the film and time that was wasted making this atrocity, or rejoice over the fact that someone, somewhere, has a money tree and is willing to lend it to anyone with a 50¢ script and the desire to film it.

(to find out the only abomination of a film that could beat this one as the worst film I've ever seen, check out my review for "Hundstage" [Dog Days])

Open House (1987)

* (out of 4)

There's no question that by the time 1987 came along the slasher genre was on its last legs. The majority of the big guys were still being released to theaters but with smaller box office takes and the majority of trash was heading straight to VHS. Just about every holiday and scenario were used just as long as innocent people were slaughtered and the psycho in OPEN HOUSE is after real estate agents who are charging too much for houses.

One agent (Adrienne Barbeau) fears that she might be on the psycho's list so her DJ boyfriend (Joseph Bottoms) starts working with the police to try and capture the nut before more are slaughtered.

There's no doubt that this is a horrid movie made by people with no intent on making a good movie. It's clear they were just trying to throw something (anything) together in order to take a few more breathes away from the genre that was clearly dying. There's not a single ounce of suspense to be found in any of the killings and the majority of the performances are downright bad. The screenplay is beyond a joke as we get some horrid dialogue but we also get a terrifically insane ending where the DJ, a radio psychiatrist, tries to get the killer to discuss his emotional pain!!!

This film, on a technical level, certainly deserves the rarely given BOMB rating but I just can't do it because this thing is so incredibly bad that you'll probably find yourself laughing at most of it. Take one example where a man and woman lock themselves in a double door bathroom trying to keep the killer away. The killer can't get through door one so he then goes around to door two. The duo never try to escape and when the killer finally gets in he neither try to defend themselves and instead one just sits by while the other is killed waiting for their turn. The murders are all extremely silly including one where the killer takes the handle from a toilet plunger and puts razors on it.

Fans of Barbeau will probably want to check this out since you'll at least get to see her naked. She's actually pretty good in the film as you can tell she's at least giving some effort. Bottoms is downright hilarious during certain moments as is Rudy Ramos as that guy who is usually screaming when it's not really necessary.

OPEN HOUSE has a silly plot, silly murders, bad acting, bad special effects and all of this badness is what makes it worth sitting through at least once for fans of the genre. There's no question that it's a horrid movie but thankfully it's bad enough to where you can at least laugh at it and the final five-minutes are so brain dead, jaw-dropping insane that you'll be wishing there was a sequel.

Written and directed by Indian exploitation film-maker Jag Mundhra, Open House stars Joseph Bottoms as radio psychologist Dr. David Kelley, who suspects that one of his crazier callers might be the serial killer currently targeting Los Angeles' female real estate agents. Adrienne Barbeau co-stars as Kelley's girlfriend, a successful realtor destined to come face-to-face with the sniggering, dog-food eating lunatic before the closing credits roll.

In keeping with its real estate theme, one viewing of this silly late-'80s slasher is definitely more than enough: it's extremely dated, lacks original features, and is missing the 'wow factor' so sorely needed in such an overcrowded market. The direction is flat, the storyline drags, there is very little in the way of genuine suspense, and the gore is limited to a couple of unconvincing severed fingers (which are chopped off with a makeshift weapon constructed from a sink plunger and some razor blades!) and a decapitated head.

4.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 5 for the obligatory female nudity (which comes from a busty dominatrix who takes a nude swim, and Barbeau, who gives fans a brief glimpse of her ample rack), the hilariously camp radio station employee (just in case you're in any doubt about his sexuality, he wears a pink shirt), the bizarre kitten stroking scene, and sexy Christina Gallegos as doomed realtor Pilar Hernandez, who gets the shock of her life when she bumps into the killer.