La guerra dei mutanti

Presented by Tim Kincaid, a pornographer and director of the anticlassic ROBOT HOLOCAUST, so be ready for sub-zero quality garbage without any production values. In this story, a number of cyborgs have been introduced to some sort of narcotic which turns them into unstoppable machines of destruction. To the rescue comes Ryker(a name too obviously selected from the nomenclature of action heroes and gay porn actors). His daring mission is to hunt these dope-tripping 'borgs down before they wreck every cheap Styrofoam and cardboard prop in their path.

This flick borrows heavily from BLADERUNNER, but don't even attempt quality comparisons...this is easily among the weakest sci-fi efforts of the 1980s(even though ROBOT HOLOCAUST is, in fact, worse, improvements made in this mess are as observable as a contact lens in the ocean).

Cosmically bad in every direction, therefore recommended to masochistic types. 3/10

Recently, I started browsing through the used movies bin at a local video store. You know the type, every movie marked down from $4 to $2. This is usually where you find old work out videos and videos that came with 80's toys (I think I found a Barbie Adventure in one of these once). Anyway this is where I discovered Mutant Hunt. The tagline on the box had me sold, "It's the 21st century New York and It's open season on cyborgs". The god awfulness of this tagline pretty much describes the god awfulness of the film. But that's actually the most entertaining feature of the film.

Mutant Hunt is by no means a good movie, or even a decent film. The script is terrible, the editing bites, and the camera work is abismal. However, if you want a film that you can repeatedly make fun of over and over again, this is your flick. My friend and I watched this film and made jokes throughout the entire thing, MST3K Style. One of our ongoing jokes was that Cyborgs are weak against wood and karate chops because that seemed to be the only thing that really had an effect on them.

I do have to give props to who ever was on the robot design, the cyborgs, normally just guys wearing sunglasses and are dripping fluid, generally look pretty terrible. However at one point, one of the cyborgs gets its skin torn off and we see the robotic endoskeleton. Its movements and looks were pretty good and you can see where 95% of the budget for this film went to.

Overall the film has some decent oneliners (including the phrase "space shuttle sex massacre" and one character who calls the cyborgs Jellyheads) but the true enjoyment of this film is really just making fun of it. This is the only redemption of the film. Jellyhead.

I watched this specifically to see a cyborg dude with a super-stretched mechanical arm hold a guy in a radiation suit aloft by his throat, while cowering underneath them a rather voluptuous woman in another rad suit lay prone in a spotlight.

Sadly, this scene never occurred.

What in the name of God did I just witness? For anyone who is wondering if they should watch this movie (all 2 of you), leave it on the shelf unless you are planning on becoming a makeup artist. Let me explain. The story goes like this: Some evil woman is in this battle with some evil guy. Why? I don't know. This battle involves mutants/cyborgs. Why? I don't know. A foursome of heroes meet up with each other in hopes to disband the evil mutant army. Why? I don't know. They fight the mutants who seems to keep coming back to life and murdering civilians. Why? I don't know!!!

So here's the scoop: Either I'm an idiot who just didn't pay attention to this movie or this movie has absolutely no plot. This film is nothing more than a string of events strung together with cheesy music that sounds like something out of a homemade porno film and sound effects so bad, that they sound as if they were generated by someone slapping their hand against their knee and breaking some eggs on the kitchen floor.

The only saving grace of this film is the gore and makeup. This horrible picture really shows what the 80's horror genre was capable of when it comes to the blood factor. Some great stuff in here that still leaves me in shock of how it was pulled off, especially the mutant that helps the good guy; some great scenes with him. But otherwise, why bother with this crappy flick? The movie itself gets a 0 out of 10, but because of the gore and good f/x I'm giving it an overall 2/10.

At the dawn of the direct to video market, Tim Kincaid took a break from making pornography to try his hand at being Ed Wood (who, come to think of it, also made pornography). Anyway, a couple of his efforts, "Breeders" and "Bad Girls Dormitory", have left a lasting impression with - well- the sort of people who watch that sort of movie.

This movie can be best compared to Kincaid's other movie "Robot Holocaust", his attempt at a post-apocalyptic action film. However, whereas the latter is so hilariously bad that it's fun to watch even without the MST3K comments, this movie is just bad in a lame 80's sort of way - right down to the pounding synthesizer soundtrack that has you wondering when the aerobics class is going to start.

Yes, there are a few comically bad scenes. For example, why does a "mercenary" adorn his apartment with every weapon every made - except a loaded gun? But they're few and far between. Mostly, it's just boring.

Not worth the time, even to make fun of it.