La guerra dei mutanti

Recently, I started browsing through the used movies bin at a local video store. You know the type, every movie marked down from $4 to $2. This is usually where you find old work out videos and videos that came with 80's toys (I think I found a Barbie Adventure in one of these once). Anyway this is where I discovered Mutant Hunt. The tagline on the box had me sold, "It's the 21st century New York and It's open season on cyborgs". The god awfulness of this tagline pretty much describes the god awfulness of the film. But that's actually the most entertaining feature of the film.

Mutant Hunt is by no means a good movie, or even a decent film. The script is terrible, the editing bites, and the camera work is abismal. However, if you want a film that you can repeatedly make fun of over and over again, this is your flick. My friend and I watched this film and made jokes throughout the entire thing, MST3K Style. One of our ongoing jokes was that Cyborgs are weak against wood and karate chops because that seemed to be the only thing that really had an effect on them.

I do have to give props to who ever was on the robot design, the cyborgs, normally just guys wearing sunglasses and are dripping fluid, generally look pretty terrible. However at one point, one of the cyborgs gets its skin torn off and we see the robotic endoskeleton. Its movements and looks were pretty good and you can see where 95% of the budget for this film went to.

Overall the film has some decent oneliners (including the phrase "space shuttle sex massacre" and one character who calls the cyborgs Jellyheads) but the true enjoyment of this film is really just making fun of it. This is the only redemption of the film. Jellyhead.

Some claim this is a BLADE RUNNER ripoff but I know the truth. In the distant future, failed filmmaker Ridley Scott built a time machine and decided to go back in time to film MUTANT HUNT, what many in this future consider the greatest film of all-time, before it is actually made. His plan worked and BLADE RUNNER hit in 82 while MUTANT HUNT's legacy was muted because it was seen a ripoff.

Seriously, what can one say about this classic? It is indicative of a cinematic time long gone, the era of cheapo sci-fi flicks shot in abandoned warehouses (the future!) on a 5-day shooting schedule (see also: Ray, Fred Olen). I'm glad to know that in the future cyborgs will be modeled after the band Devo. Tim Kincaid directs this as flatly as possible. I love the fight in Riker's apartment where the girls just sit and stand there. I also love the bit where the robot begins to severe its left hand. When the filmmakers cut to the hand hanging in the cuff, it is a right hand! And who can ever forget the couple making out in the alley? Awesome. To the film's credit, Ed French's cyborg puppet head is pretty impressive and actually emotes better than 3/4 of the cast. After watching this 75 minute insanity fest, the only natural thing to ask is, "What Kincaid film should I watch next?"

What in the name of God did I just witness? For anyone who is wondering if they should watch this movie (all 2 of you), leave it on the shelf unless you are planning on becoming a makeup artist. Let me explain. The story goes like this: Some evil woman is in this battle with some evil guy. Why? I don't know. This battle involves mutants/cyborgs. Why? I don't know. A foursome of heroes meet up with each other in hopes to disband the evil mutant army. Why? I don't know. They fight the mutants who seems to keep coming back to life and murdering civilians. Why? I don't know!!!

So here's the scoop: Either I'm an idiot who just didn't pay attention to this movie or this movie has absolutely no plot. This film is nothing more than a string of events strung together with cheesy music that sounds like something out of a homemade porno film and sound effects so bad, that they sound as if they were generated by someone slapping their hand against their knee and breaking some eggs on the kitchen floor.

The only saving grace of this film is the gore and makeup. This horrible picture really shows what the 80's horror genre was capable of when it comes to the blood factor. Some great stuff in here that still leaves me in shock of how it was pulled off, especially the mutant that helps the good guy; some great scenes with him. But otherwise, why bother with this crappy flick? The movie itself gets a 0 out of 10, but because of the gore and good f/x I'm giving it an overall 2/10.

If you watch this to see a great movie, you are sadly mistaken. I know from experience that if you see Tim Kincaid's name on the box, you aren't going to find anything close. Still, this would definitely be a treat to schlock fans of the dumbest movies ever made, and, in their case, I'm surprised a group of these loveable weirdos haven't crowned this one as a cult classic yet. I would like to point out, though, that this movie is not as gory as the box makes it out to be. There are only a few good splattery moments (my favorite being the cyborg hacking his own hand off). Otherwise, this is only a horror movie by the most technical standards, meaning that it's as much of a horror movie as "C.H.U.D. 2". "Mutant Hunt" is more along the lines of a brainless sci-fi actioner. Is "Mutant Hunt" enjoyable? Yes, depending on how cheezy you like your movies, which this is to the max. By the way, TROMA FANS, ATTENTION: The guy playing the main hero in this is Rick Gianasi of "Sgt. Kabukiman, N.Y.P.D." infamy.

I watched this specifically to see a cyborg dude with a super-stretched mechanical arm hold a guy in a radiation suit aloft by his throat, while cowering underneath them a rather voluptuous woman in another rad suit lay prone in a spotlight.

Sadly, this scene never occurred.