La crociera della morte

A dangerous lunatic escapes from a hospital, killing a doctor and a salesman in the process. Worried about a potential scandal, the hospital hires private investigator Richard Vargas (Don Scribner, who looks like Christian Bale) to find the missing patient. The investigation leads to a yacht where the only passenger, a catatonic woman (Britt Ekland), stabs Vargas in the stomach.

A few days later, the woman, Linda -- now in hospital and a little more lucid -- explains to Dr. Khorda (Robert Quarry) the events leading up the disappearance of her fellow passengers: her newlywed husband Allen (John Phillip Law), his wartime buddies Burt (William Smith) and Mark (Louis Van Bergen), and their girlfriends Claire (Jillian Kesner) and Isabel (April Wayne).

When a film clearly isn't working, at what point do you call it a day, cut your losses, and shelve the whole thing? In the case of Moon In Scorpio, not soon enough. Not happy with their movie, the producers tried to salvage something from director Gray Gravers original cut by re-editing it, turning it from what was apparently originally intended to be a supernatural horror into a cheesy slasher. It didn't help: the film is still incredibly bad.

The direction is about what you might expect from a porn film-maker like Graver, but one would hope for more than porn-level acting from the cast: sadly, the usually reliable Smith is seriously off-form, and both Law and Ekland prove that it was looks and not talent that got them noticed in the first place. Kesner and Wayne were obviously hired for their bodies and a willingness to flash their boobs when asked.

Whoever re-edited this garbage had an unenviable task, but failed to rise to the occasion, the final film an incoherent mess that should have been consigned to the trash. Ekland provides a voiceover to try and help explain matters, but it doesn't help any: half the time, the actress is merely describing exactly what is happening on screen ("Alan tried to strangle me"... WE KNOW!).

Perhaps if the killings had been more creative and gorier, the film might have been bearable, but the deaths are unimaginative, repetitive, and not all that splattery (I've had bloodier paper cuts than some of them). The killer's spiky glove weapon with retractable barbs is certainly unique, but isn't put to good use.

1.5/10, rounded up to 2 for the gratuitous bare breasts, and the wholly unconvincing Vietnam war scenes -- dense jungle has never looked so much like the local park.

This is what I get for being stubborn and bumptious. Every single review I read was negative and clearly warning the rest of world not to waste any time or energy on this lousy horror flick. And yet, what do I do? I refuse to listen to these reviews (despite often coming from knowledgeable fellow users whose opinions I always trust) because I cannot believe that a film with: a) such an awesome cover image, b) mysterious sounding title and c) terrific cast is really that bad.

Rest assured; - it is that bad! The cover image is definitely awesome, but horror fanatics know (or should know...) better than to fall for that. The title never gets explained even though several characters literally ask what it means. And the cast, well, I'm really fond of the work of Britt Ekland ("The Wicker Man") and John Philip Law ("Danger: Diabolik") but both their performances are poor. The respectable names in the supportive cast, like William Smith and Robert Quarry, don't contribute any quality, neither.

"Moon in Scorpio" is what happens when the producers and the makers have completely opposite ideas. The producers wanted a straightforward slasher movie with an escaped asylum patient and set on a yacht, but director Gary Graver claimed he wanted a spiritual and mysterious horror film. I personally don't believe Graver, because he was also the director of adult movies with titles like "Driving Miss Daisy Crazy Again" and "Three Men and a Hooker". I wish the producers had hired a different crew instead, because the murders are still rather cool and bloody, and a yacht in the open sea is always a good setting for a horror film.

The film is downright pathetic, really. The Vietnam flashbacks look as if they were filmed in someone's backyard, Ekland's additional voiceover is pointless and irritant, the editing is utmost amateurish, and the plotting is often absurd. Newlyweds going on honeymoon together with his former army buddies? Such a marriage wouldn't last a week even if they didn't get killed.

Definitely the worst film I have seen. Although i haven't seen 'Manos hands of fate' or 'Gigli' yet, I can say for sure that this film belongs down with them. It seems like the director has tried to make every scene dramatic and creepy, resulting in no build-ups or pauses, no sense of flow in the story, just a 1½ hour boring/embarrassing goo of silly murder scenes and pointless dialogues. Finally, I don't think there's reason why it's called 'Moon In Scorpio'. There's one really stupid scene (which is supposed to be thoughtful), where Gary Graver squeezes in the title in Britt Eklands dialogue, but it makes no sense at all...

1/10 for some 'so bad it's good'-scenes

Despite numerous bad reviews I still for some reason decided to watch 'Moon in Scorpio'. I should have listened to those reviews...

'Moon in Scorpio' is another movie where I didn't care one bit about any of the characters. It was also hard to tell who the protagonist or antagonist is. The incoherent script is really bad, the dialogue is bad, and it was very badly acted, as well.

'Moon in Scorpio' is all over the place with too much going on that wasn't interesting at all. In fact, the film was slow and boring. The events of the fateful nights aboard a yacht is revealed through retellings of Linda (Britt Ekland), who is in police custody. Ekland was unconvincing and I couldn't really make out whether she was making up a story, or actually telling the truth. Truth is, I couldn't care less. This was a complete waste of time and a film I'd like to forget, but probably will remember for how bad it is. It also has an abrupt ending without motivation for what happened. Ugh...!

Would I watch it again? No.

Whilst this movie awful, it is a superb vehicle for showing off Britt Ekland's horrendous acting, which is far more frightening than any of the murders. Terrible, but unfortunately no where near the worst movie I've seen.