Agguato alle Hawaii

If you liked The Remains Of The Day, Terms Of Endearment, or Steel Magnolias... avoid this movie at all costs.

How do you begin to describe a movie with gratuitous nudity, bad acting, an implausible plot, 2-dimensional characters, and bad fight scenes? How do you describe the necessity for a mutant snake, an inflatable doll, skateboarding henchmen and razor-bladed frisbees in the same movie? Ofcourse, I COULD mention some of the greatest lines of our generation like,"Life is a bitch and then you die." Or maybe,"Just when you thought it was safe to take a pee." (I can't make that up.)

Why would I bother telling you that I searched for years to find this movie on DVD to watch over and over and over again? I dare not watch another movie in this series for fear of besmearching the good name of this gem. Please, please, please, if have the opportunity, watch it at least once.

This movie is like how Richard Gere describes the opera in Pretty Woman. Those that love it, will love it forever, and those that don't will learn to appreciate it, but it will never become a part of their soul.

Enjoi filmphiles

P.S. I take no blame for mental trauma suffered from watching this film.

You must know by now that "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" is filled with humorous violence and gorgeous women.The violence doesn't feel cruel or personal. It's more of a device for telling a real story. The Playboy models in scanty outfits are a celebration of the human form, not pornography.

My father and brother would watch this movie together. They knew the plot and lines well enough to recite them, along with the actors. The movie bled over into real life, and they would say the lines to each other when the moment felt right.

As my father descended into terminal Alzheimer's disease, this film was his one last link with reality. Watching this film would bring him out of his stupor, and he would become verbal again.

Now that Father is gone, the entire family watches this movie once a year,on Christmas Eve. We make eggnog, eat fruitcake, and wear sweaters. And cry some, too.

There's a place in the world for just about every kind of film. You have your Oscar baiting serious fare on one end, and then you have stuff like the Andy Sidaris oeuvre. The man played his own particular formula for everything that it was worth: combine gorgeous Playboy Playmates with James Bond type action scenarios and breathtaking scenery. The Hawaii setting is a wonderful backdrop indeed for these cheerfully sleazy and silly shenanigans. The story (if anybody does care) involves two extremely comely female special agents, Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton), who intercept a shipment of diamonds intended for a crime lord, Seth (Rodrigo Obregon). Oh, did I mention the cross dressing spy, or the hilariously phony looking deadly snake? They get worked into this mix, creating results that if not really inspired do make for generally agreeable entertainment. There's a knowingly cheesy approach to the whole thing, and Sidaris takes the time to promote himself as his work is advertised with use of posters from his previous films; he also does a cameo as a TV director. The film has genuinely amusing and entertaining characters, from smooth agent Rowdy Abilene (Ronn Moss), cousin of the Cody Abilene character from "Malibu Express", to his goofy pal Jade (Harold Diamond) to nefarious criminal kingpin Mr. Chang (Peter Bromilow). Of course, this is basically a vehicle for the charms of Ms. Speir and Ms. Carlton, and even if they're not overwhelmingly blessed in the acting department, that hardly matters. The voyeur in many of us will appreciate Sidaris taking each and every opportunity to have our sexy female cast members bare their breasts. There's also a fair bit of stuff blowing up real good to help keep this from ever getting dull. Overall, this is a good 'n' bouncy diversion worth a look for lovers of trashy B cinema. Seven out of 10.

With Hard Ticket to Hawaii, writer/director Andy Sidaris truly laid down the template he would forever follow. It wasn't his first movie, that was Malibu Express (1985), but that one unusually had a detective narrative and male lead. Of course, it also had lots of pleasingly excessive nudity involving a selection of busty beauties. Sidaris retained that latter element but refocused the plot where the protagonists were hot female action heroines. And so with Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Sidaris created his babes, bullets and explosions sub-genre. The story has two very hot women operate an airplane cargo delivery service in Hawaii. A large, toxic snake they are delivering escapes and they get mixed up in a scheme involving criminals and a cache of diamonds. Much entertainment follows.

I've seen all the Sidaris movies and I can say with some certainty that the aforementioned first two films in his filmography are his very best. And Hard Ticket to Hawaii is definitely his ultimate classic. It has all the elements of all his other films but it has more. Like the others, it's an action flick with the great idea of predominantly featuring 80's Playmates and it also has a commendable focus on beautiful breasts, with lots of somewhat basic acting and ropey dialogue to top things off. It even features some stalwarts of future Sidaris movies such as the gorgeous trio of Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton and Cynthia Brimhall, plus the acting colossus that is Rodrigo Obregon. And yet, it's the extra details that we have on top of this that elevate this one into classic status.

For a start, there are just more interesting things going on. Where most Sidaris movies have pretty forgettable plot-lines, this one sticks in the mind. We have a fairly routine bad guys versus good guys set-up but running alongside this there is the plot strand about the monstrous snake made toxic by infection by cancerous rats. Its pure psychotronic nonsense of the first order of course but quite brilliantly entertaining nonsense. We also have a transvestite hit-man, a skateboarding assassin with inflatable doll, a female bodybuilder interrogator, a razor-tipped Frisbee and a finale so hilariously over-the-top, it's frankly genius. The latter involves, amongst other things, a ludicrously over-extended death scene, a snake bursting out of a toilet, a bazooka and a motorbike crashing through a wall. If you can't enjoy this I feel sorry for you. And plus points have to automatically be given to any film where two beautiful women declare that they 'do their best thinking in the hot tub'. I like too how, despite celebrating their bodies, in Sidaris movies the women are always portrayed as resourceful and kick-ass and never dumb.

This is the one truly must-see Sidaris film. It feels like he threw everything at it and just added every idea he came up with regardless of how insane it was. He never really topped it ever again but then no one else has ever made a film of this particular type any better either. One of the all-time great 80's b-movies.

One of the hottest looking "actresses" ever. Lots of nudity, even when they have clothing on they are usually running around and wear very sexy outfits so it's still pretty cool. Despite the obvious appeal because of the babes, this movie is filled lots of action and is fun too watch. Not exactly on the level of Citizen Kane, but hey who cares, Orson Wells never looked this good!