- Scott Murray: He unwilling to defend his honor is not a man. Henry David Thoreau said that.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Yabba-dabba-doo. Frederick Flintstone said that. So what?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Unfortunately, it doesn't matter that her body was never found. Brain tissue was all over her jacket. Somebody's dead, and the jury will be perfectly willing to believe that it's Liza Williams. Now please, let's go over your story one more time.
- Douglas Benoit: Shall I say it in Hebraic this time, or maybe Latin? They do still teach Latin in law school these days?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Actually, yes. Steve, tell him the Latin for pain in the ass.
- Steve Hadley: Um, vox hemorrhoidum?
- 1st Judge: Re-direct, Mr. Weathers?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Yes, your Honor. Mr. Torkenson, how long have you known the plaintiff, Mr. Wilby?
- Phil Ames: Oh, approximately 12 years.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: And over that duration, did you have an opportunity to form an opinion as to the character of the plaintiff?
- Phil Ames: I did, yeah.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Could you please state that opinion for the court?
- Phil Ames: You mean what I really think of him?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Your honest opinion, sir.
- Phil Ames: He's an asshole.
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- 1st Judge: You bet. Sustained! The answer will be stricken.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Sidebar, your Honor.
- 1st Judge: Sidebar? What for?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Because I want a sidebar.
- 1st Judge: [Grunts, then directs lawyers to his bench]
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: I respectfully request, your Honor, that the answer be allowed.
- 1st Judge: What?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: It should stand. It is relevant.
- 1st Judge: And it's offensive. Don't compound it, counselor.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Your Honor, if I may...
- 1st Judge: Tell the witness to rephrase the answer.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Well, that's just it, your Honor. He can't. The word has a very distinct connotation. There's nothing else that quite captures it.
- Jo Ann: I object. Are you saying the president of a bank can't articulate his thoughts without using profanity?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: What I'm saying, sir, is that there aren't many words to describe the particular slime that your client oozes.
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- 1st Judge: Mr. Weathers, just where in the name of God do you think you are?
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: I think, your Honor, that I'm in a place where every citizen can have his say.
- 1st Judge: Yes, yes, but not in any way he wants to say it. Tell him to pick another word.
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Like what? Deceitful? Dishonest? Conniving? They're all close...
- Jo Ann: Objection!
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: But asshole really fits. It's the only word that accurately describes the man, and we can demonstrate just that. Everybody thinks he's an asshole.
- Jo Ann: Son of a bitch!
- Robin 'Stormy' Weathers: Oh, that's good, too!
- Jo Ann: Shut up!
- 1st Judge: What the hell?
- [Bangs gavel]
- 1st Judge: Court's adjourned. In my chambers! Now!
- Douglas Benoit: Let me explain something to you, Mr. Weathers. Through the vicissitudes of wholly gratuitous genetic accidents, I was visited with extremely high intelligence. I was further blessed - or burdened, as it were - with certain physical traits that would suggest, shall we say, "good breeding." Now, in this proletarian stew which we laughingly call society, these attributes are not always advantageous.