- Torok the Troll: A gentle knight was riding across the plain, all clad in mighty arms and silver shield, wherein old dents and deep wounds did remain the cruel marks of many a bloody field. Yet armies till that time did he never yield. His angry steed did chide his foaming bit. Upon a great adventure he was bound, that fairest Gloriana to him gave, the greatest, glorious queen of fairyland. Now, when that idle dream was to him brought, unto that elfin knight he bade him fly, where he slept soundly, void of evil thought and with false shoes abuse his fantasy...
- Peter Dickinson: You have the distinction of owning the only two children in the entire building.
- Harry Potter Sr.: Oh, we don't own 'em, we just rent!
- Peter Dickinson: Well, let me give it to you straight Harry Boy! You see, I am a single, unattached guy. And I live upstairs, right above you. Now, I'm into swinging, and children having pillow fights at all hours of the night while I'm trying to score, may cause a few strikeouts, you get me Harry Boy!
- Harry Potter Sr.: Yes, sir.
- Peter Dickinson: Good!
- [Enters an apartment]
- Harry Potter Sr.: Mr. Dickenson, wrong apartment.
- Peter Dickinson: [Exits sacastic] Shit!
- Barry Tabor: What can I do for you?
- Wendy Potter: I need some advice
- Barry Tabor: You have come to the right guy, uncle Duke has seen just about everything there is to see little missy, I've been around the world dozens of times staring death right in the face
- [swings a baseball bat]
- Wendy Potter: What does it look like?
- Barry Tabor: What?
- Wendy Potter: What does death look like?
- Barry Tabor: Well I don't know, it's hard to explain, you're too young to understand anyway
- Wendy Potter: I understand
- Barry Tabor: Oh you do now?
- Wendy Potter: I know what death looks like
- Barry Tabor: That's good, that's good, what does it look like?
- Wendy Potter: It looks
- [transforms into Torok and speaks in his voice]
- Torok the Troll: Something like this!
- Older Couple on T.V.: That may look like your canary, Tweety, my dear... but it is not Tweedy. It may sing like Tweety, it may molt like Tweety, it may even eat seed like Tweedy, but it's an alien!
- Older Couple on T.V.: You mean...
- Older Couple on T.V.: Yes! Your canary is a pod person from the planet Mars.