The Phantom Empire

This is hilarious. A classic camp movie, it's just awful in every way. The acting is half a step above terrible, the soundtrack is horrendous, and the directing is barely mediocre. Yet it was still fun, for me at least. The plot alone was enough to watch it. It should have been called "Attack of the Amazon Women from Outer Space Who Have Robots and Who Fight Underground Cannibals and Capture Normal People." Absolutely hilarious. Enjoyable if you're a fan of campy films, but still just a 3 out of 10.

On the disc this was on, before the movie started there was a word (actually more than that) from the director. We apparently get him in his home with his wife (I did not check if this is factually correct), just to get a side character from the movie invading - or is it from the movie? If you find this funny, you're in for a treat with the movie itself (though do not expect nearly as much nudity as you get to see in this short).

You have to actually shut your brain off, not care about the movies actual intro (after we get to see quite a decent effect for a low budget movie), that edits the opening credits with a detective style throwback ... it tries to be funny but does not really succeed. What it does though from time to time (maybe) - it surprises you with some neat choices. Like making the female assistant be more macho than the detective himself. A nice touch, if you care enough. Otherwise very low production values but a nice throwback to claymation towards the end - does it make sense? No not at all - but if you are looking for that, you are way wrong here

....and that happens at around the 50-minute mark, when Sybil (as a character in the film exclaims, "WOW!") Danning appears, well-cast as a fighting alien queen. Up until then "The Phantom Empire" is a plodding, sleep-inducing trek, and the cannibals with Halloween masks over their faces and old rags for clothes are beneath Z-grade cinema. The sole bright spot is Michelle Bauer as a bikini-clad "cave bunny". After Danning's entrance, the viewer can at least focus on her phenomenal figure, and it's easier to forgive the unimpressive stop-motion animation effects (I think "One Million Years B.C.", from 1965, has a better dinosaur battle than the one featured here). But if you want to see something from Fred Olen Ray that looks more like a real film and less like a college project, seek out his "Cyclone" from the following year. (*1/2)

P.S.: To claim that you watched this film "for the dinosaurs" is like claiming that you watched "Jurassic Park" for the T & A.

Rent this picture only if you're trying to see everything Fred Ray ever made. Ms. Danning struts around in a black leather outfit with big shoulders and a cutout for her cleavage. Poor stop-frame dinosaur animation. No character development. Trite story. Skinny "cave bunnies," no titillation value. Unconvincing, pathetic troglodyte zombies.

My review was written in July 1989 after watching the film on Prism video cassette.

Named after a famous Gene Autry serial, "The Phantom Empire" is an affectionate nod to old-time lost world sci-fi pics, which should amuse home video fans.

Helmer Fred Olen Ray shot this 1986 picture on a shoestring budget, ingeniously making up for lack of resources by stressing snappy dialog and in-jokes (even Robby the Robot pops up as a bad guy).

Plot is simple: after a mutant creature emerges from a cave and kills two picnickers, Susan Stokey hires salvage experts Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith to mount an expedition into the caves to search for the lost city of Rilah.

Robert Quarry and Jeffrey Combs tag along as mineral experts. Crew finds a race of mutants, plus beautiful girls in bikinis led by Michelle Bauer, Sybil Danning pop s up as a queen from Outer Space mining for diamonds to fuel her crashed spaceship on the return trip home.

There's some fun animated footage of dinosaurs plus endless chasing around, but pic mainly works via the tongue-in-cheek dialog exchanges of its cast, most of whom are cult favorites from fantasy and horror pics.

Wildsmith is in particularly good humor, cracking sarcastic jokes in a tough-girl role. Bauer is funny in exaggerated mime as, with no knowledge of English, she's pressed into service as the expedition's guide. Danning has one of her better, campier, latter-day roles in a flashy black leather outfit.