Vacanze bollenti per quei pazzi porcelloni

I normally consider myself a bit of a tough guy when it comes to enduring bad movies. Somewhat in the way alcoholics build up a tolerance to hard liquor, I have a thick skin against terrible cinema provided there are at least a few redeeming moments. Inspired by nostalgia for late night cable TV, the only way to see nudity and real debauchery as a kid in the '80s, I decided to watch this wreck on an ultra cheap DVD. But it hit me a Mike Tyson (circa 1987) uppercut. I couldn't watch all of it. It's THAT bad. And I can enjoy basically any CANNON GROUP production (horrid cheeseball '80s action producers) ever made! A much better movie that accomplishes somewhat of what they were trying to do here is Summer Lovers featuring a very young Daryl Hannah. Or the original and much better Harbodies.

The entire premise of these '80s airhead summer teen sex movies is naked flesh, but at least some of them had a certain level of comedy or sexiness. But nothing here is funny, or particularly sexy. Brenda Bakke is absolutely stunning, but no one gets to do anything worthwhile because the movie is a failure from start to finish. I guess simply admiring her beauty is worth something (and most starlets did not have fake body parts back then, which is very refreshing). But overall, life is too short to watch movies like this. Or review them. Hey wait.....I just wasted.....uhh THE END.

But it doesn't try to be. If you judge it in relationship to it's genre (coming-of-age teen nudie flick) it's - not bad. Bare bones plot and no characters worth remembering, but attractive models (they don't act enough to call them actresses) and a lack of false pretension or nudge-nudge-wink-wink sensuality make this worth a $1 or less rental fee. It's a guilty pleasure, like Moon Pies and cheesecake.

"Hardbodies 2" is harmless, aimless and plot less. I would add "brainless" to that list, but the movie-within-a-movie gimmick, although not done very well, helps it to narrowly escape that label. The scenery has changed from the California beaches to the Greek islands, and the only returning cast members from the first film are Sorrells Pickard (the bearded guy) and Roberta Collins (who at one point falls into a mud pit, bringing back memories of her classic catfight with Pam Grier in "The Big Doll House"). All the other actors are new, but apparently Brad Zutaut is supposed to be playing the same character (Scotty) as Grant Cramer did in "Hardbodies". This sequel lacks the energy and appeal of the first movie, and doesn't come close to matching it in the "hotness" department, either. Of course Brenda Bakke and Fabiana Udenio are both very pretty, but the Teal Roberts - Cindy Silver - Kristi Somers team is unbeatable. "Hardbodies 2" is not the worst of its kind by any means, but if you only want to see one of these movies, the original is the one to get. (*1/2)

Hardbodies 2 was a bad idea. A sequel to a movie that's really not a sequel. Huh? I felt just like the audience. But I have to mention that Brenda Bakke is really hot. If you must, watch the first half hour and forget the rest. Stupid movie with bad clueless actors, boring direction and lame dialogue. Skip this movie unless you're a die hard Brenda Bakke fan. For masochists only D+

This one was better with a second look but still is a lame sequel to the superior summer greatness of "Hardbodies". Like somebody said in a another review and paraphrasing, the slapstick was overblown and very unfunny. The eye candy in the movie is worth the price of admission. The acting is bad in most cases but the main leads do good with the material that they have.

The best thing I could suggest is get the two-pack of both films and view Hardbodies 2 on it's own merit if it has any at all.The cowboy guy from the first movie returns in the second one as well as the real estate lady from the first one but all is lost in the translation. This movie is for completest only in the 80s summer beach flick genre.

If you are new to this genre try the 80s classics "The Beach Girls" "Spring Break" and the orig "Hardbodies" before trudging your way through this one.