Witchtrap

This comes across as so amateurish it's amazing it got made. The script is lazy and naive, the acting is by numbers. Gratuitous nudity adds nothing. Yet... somehow... it's almost impossible to turn off. Maybe you just end up wanting to see justice done, and nobody makes it out alive. Meh!

Lauterhouse, affectionately referred to as "slaughterhouse" by its owner Devin Lauter (played by the director, who should have stayed hidden behind the camera!), is a big SoCal mansion on a secluded plot of prime real estate. Devin wants it converted over to a bed and breakfast, but the sadistic ghost of his late uncle, a former stage magician, keeps killing off whoever enters.

Paranormal researcher Agnes Goldberg (Judy Tatum) is hired to photograph and exorcise the ghost and organizes a team of paranormal experts that include her "mental medium" husband Felix (Rob Zapple), "psychic medium" Whitney O'Shay (Kathleen Bailey) and sexy video-tech Ginger Kowowski (Linnea Quigley), plus three low-grade rent-a-cops for protection. Naturally, things don't go as planned when Uncle Avery (J.P. Leubsen, the creepy guy from WITCHBOARD) starts to use his powers to kill everyone off.

Looking for some of the worst amateur acting and dialogue ever to hit the small screen? Then look no further! Tatum and Bailey are so monotone they make Ben Stein look like Laurence Olivier! Other highlights include a showerhead impaling a neck, a black character who threatens, "I'll tapdance on your face like Bojangles Robinson!," a pudgy voyeur groundskeeper, an exploding head, blood that looks suspiciously like Cherry Kool-Aid, Tenney's trademark AWFUL wisecracks, Linnea in the shower, a possession, a human meltdown and much, much more. It's all delirious fun. I laughed a lot while watching it. In fact, every time I see this for sale, I pick up a copy to give to one of my friends as a gag gift.

I would rate this a 9 for laughs and entertainment value and I give it some credit because the plot is actually competent even if much of the dialogue is not, but going by craftsmanship, it's a generous 3 out 10.

This is not a sequel to WITCHBOARD. It's written and directed by Kevin S. Tenney, the director of WITCHBOARD. In fact, on the VHS copy I purchased, there's a notice on the back declaring WITCHTRAP a non-sequel. It's also, included, no kidding, as a notice right before the title sequence for WITCHTRAP. I guess Tenney was threatened with a lawsuit? Was Witchboard that successful that he'd be hassled about his obvious sequel to it? Also, on the packaging is the tag-line, "This time, it's not a game." So, what was the "last" time? WITCHBOARD, maybe? Sequel, perhaps? Please see disclaimer.

Anyway, I picked WITCHTRAP up, amongst other gems, at a local library sale for a whopping 50 cents. It was a rental from a now defunct video store called Top Video. Pretty beat up copy, and I usually prefer to stay away from rentals, but couldn't resist, plus it had Linnea Quigley in it. How bad could it be? Pretty bad, actually. The acting is quite awful. It helped that they drove around in vintage 1980s cars, wore Members Only jackets and sported the latest hairstyles. However, the people driving the cars, and sporting the funky clothes, couldn't cut it as performers. It's about the level of porn acting, maybe a little bit better and I suppose, the guy playing the detective, James Quinn, was okay, sometimes, but that's about it. Quigley, doesn't have much of a part and does what she's hired to do. She has a shower scene and she appears to be laughing when she gets killed.

The premise of the film is fairly typical for this genre. A man named Devin Lauter inherits a mansion from his long deceased uncle, Avery Lauter. Avery, it seems was some kind of warlock or other, and died brutally in the home and, naturally, possesses the place and kills erstwhile inhabitants. That's why the nephew, Devin, hires a crack team of paranormal experts and some detectives, for security, to figure the place out. Of course, once they arrive things go horribly wrong. If only they had gone horribly wrong in any kind of an interesting way. The pacing is very slow and the gruesome deaths aren't very gruesome. Flying hatchets were never that scary to begin with, and WITCHTRAP proves that they still aren't.

There is, however, a certain production value to WITCHTRAP. The pacing sucks but the editing and camera work is clearly professional. In fact, there were a couple of things I thought were kind of neat, here and there, like a scene where some hands come through a door. But, believe me, those moments were few and far between. And, by professional, I mean they had some money behind it, so it's watchable, unlike, say, a lot of the stuff from Full Moon video. I have to also say, that compared to a lot of direct to video digital cheapies I've seen in recent years, some of these ultra low budget filmmakers could learn a thing or two from WITCHTRAP. Unfortunately, that has more to do with how bad some current filmmakers are then any particular quality WITCHTRAP has. Again, there is some technical competence in the film but, unfortunately, not enough to redeem it.

Almost twenty years on, it's a bit tricky to consider recommending WITCHTRAP. There's no arguing that it's a pretty bad film. It fails on some of the most fundamental levels consistently enough to irritate just about anyone interested in these types of films. The gratuitous nudity is pretty uninspired, as is the violence, and the poor acting exceeds camp into just plain awful.

Still, if you're a connoisseur of 80s horror, if there is such a thing, you might be able to tolerate the bad film-making. Linnea Quigley is in it, after all and that helps. It also helps that it is so dated. If you grew up in this era, nostalgia might get you through.

So, if you see it for 50 cents, or maybe a dollar, and need something to play in the background as you do other things, WITCHTRAP just might be up your alley. Otherwise, you're better off with almost anything else.

OK horror fans, you have to keep in mind this is a goof. Not a SCARY MOVIE style spoof but more of a pre-SCREAM "hey it's 1989 and the trappings of this horror genre are pretty evident" goof. It's also supposed to be an indirect sequel to WITCHBOARD even though the notice at the bottom of the VHS box cover says it's not. Yes, there's an actually note on the box declaring "this in not a sequel" - have we have seen that before? Anyway I think it's great - ridiculous but great. Like, have 10 beers then press play great. Plus scream queen Linnea Quigley is in it and she elevates any production she's in (and elevates my pants IF you know what I'm talking about it).

Hands down one of the worst films that I've ever seen, but I can't resist telling people they must see this laughable junk! If you had a bad day, don't feel low...WATCH WITCHTRAP! The acting is terrible, the deaths are real cheese, and the writing and directing are pitiful, but this film is a spoof! Kevin Tenney wrote this as a spoof to his 1985 film WITCHBOARD. It succeeds in spoofing that as well as spoofing itself! I cannot stress enough how camp this movie is! It's pure cheese! The ending is also terrible...as contrived as hell...the effects are cheesy, etc. but the film succeeds in creating more unintentional belly laughs then I've ever experienced. Watch WITCHTRAP, you will see what I mean.