Valet Girls

My review was written in April 1987 after watching the film on Vestron video cassette.

"Valet Girls" is a meek edition in the party-styled comedies that have emerged endlessly since "Animal House" was a hit nearly a decade ago. Rafal Zielinski-helmed film most closely resembles Crown International Pictures product, such as "My Chauffeur", and was accorded a test release by Empire Pictures in January, followed by current home video availability.

Meri D. Marshall and April Stewart topline as young women in Hollywood working as car parking attendants. Problems ensue when they're assigned to work at the mansion of Dirk Zebra (Christopher Weeks) who holds an endless series of parties for movie and record biz folk. Joined by a third girl named Carnation (Mary Kohnert), fresh off the farm, their hiring displaces a trio of guys who attempt to create practical jokes disrupting the parties and trying to get the girls fired.

Gags here are old hat and the whole format, while recalling Blake E#dwards' adventurous Peter Sellers film "The Party" is cornball as well. Meri D. Marshall performs several rock songs well, while costar April Stewart is pretty, sports an alluring British accent, but is given nothing interesting to do. Vet character actor Richard Erdman pops up as a drunken waiter.

Tech credits are adequate.

This was another film that was recommended to me by netflix. It was great! Sex jokes, cheesy outfits, and it has heart. It's just a great example of the college comedy. It won't ever win an Oscar, but, it's still fun. You will laugh, you will appreciate the gratuitous shots of the ladies, etc. The acting is appropriately cheesy, as is the script. But, on top of that it has a little bit of heart to it. You actually start to care for these scantily clad ladies and their storyline. So, do yourself a favor and if you like this genre, then see this film. It doesn't try to be anything more than it is supposed to be and anyone who expected more is lame. (One of the other reviewers, like Movie Man Kev, need to stop applying their "knowledgable critiques" of film to eye candy and instead apply it to art. It's easy to say that eye candy isn't art. It's not supposed to be. That's why it's eye candy. This is some fun eye candy worth watching.

I've seen some "bad-uns" over the last 50-odd years, but right from the credits, this rates as one of very worst movies I've ever seen. While it retains a VERY minor curiosity value due to the ultra-campy high-80s costumes and hair styles and the glimpses of '80s Hollywood, this is in every other respect irredeemable trash. I've seen porno films with better acting -- the inflatable alligator in the pool is by far the strongest performer -- and the same goes for the "script" (peee-euw!), cinematography and sound. I just saw this on TV as the late-night follow-up to 'Moonraker' -- one of the lamest of all Bond films -- but trust me, that comes off looking like 'Gone With The Wind' compared to 'Valet Girls'. Undoubtedly a film that all concerned wish they could erase from history and an experience to be avoided at all costs unless you grew up through the 80s, have a stash of industrial-strength drugs and for some reason want a cringe-laden laugh to remind you how bad that decade was at its worst.

A tough punk girl from Brooklyn and an English rose both work as valets. They are subject to unwanted sexual attention from some of the men they encouter on the job, and the punk girl ends up getting fired.

Although invited by one of the harassers, the girls attend a Hollywood party where there are topless girls swimming in the pool, and a male valet is having sex in the bathroom.

The male valets lose their jobs to make room for our two heroines, so they plot revenge.

Tony Cox, the little person actor from "Bad Santa", also appears. I didn't realise he had been acting for so long.

The party scene in this movie seems to go on longer than the one in "The Exterminating Angel". It seems to be just the same thing over and over again: middle aged Hollywood types using drugs and scoring with women half their age.

Mixed in there is some Southern lady who is unhappy that the producers try to take advantage of her.

The movie really has no clear narrative threads. You may remember the three guys who wanted to get the girls fired, but the movie forgets them from scene to scene, as did I. They resurface but the direction doesn't pick them out of the crowd. The party, which takes up most of the movie, is a jumble of different people, none of them very interesting.

Something a lot of these '80s boob comedies have is a godawful musical interlude where a third-rate band will play some horrible manufactured song. "Valet Girls" does this more than once.

And then, it's over, and I will forget about it almost immediately.

The acting is atrocious; the plot is silly and trite, same for the dialogue. I watched it expecting to see some good actors before they became famous, ala Diner (1982) or Clueless, or Ferris Bueller's Day Off, or even Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! This movie was nowhere close. If you want silly party antics try Peter Sellers in The Party (1968).

As for the 'plot', three girls work for a sleazy manager of a Valet Company who makes them dress in sexy outfits in order to get more business and bigger tips. They get invited to a big-shot's party. The big shot fires his all male valets (what a surprise) and hires them for his next party. The male valets seek revenge by crashing the next party.

While some might see this as a feminist movie because the girls don't fall for all the "couch auditions" going on around them – all the other dumb starlets who do undermines the feminist redeeming value.

I found the 80's look overdone and ridiculous. In short, the movie fails on all counts.