- Christy Miller: People Magazine called for an interview! I'll give y'all a plug. Great in the sack, honey; but lousy detectives. Couldn't follow an elephant up Fifth. Girls slip through their fingers like sand.
- Christy Miller: It's been a rough morning. My toilet exploded. Yes, I flushed it quite innocently, you would have thought a bomb went off. Just lucky I wasn't sitting on it!
- Christy Miller: Do you want to step onto the terrace, Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: That's not a terrace, Christy. That's a ledge!
- Charles Rutledge: Would you like some new shoes?
- Christy Miller: New shoes?
- Charles Rutledge: Yes, those look pretty old.
- Christy Miller: Thanks a bunch Charles! These happen to be an original 30's design. From the 30's!
- Charles Rutledge: I know, wouldn't you like some new ones?
- Charles Rutledge: Would you like to sit down?
- Christy Miller: What do you have in mind Charles? A kerb?
- Charles Rutledge: I really like you Christy.
- Christy Miller: Yeah, I know. Why don't we keep it that way, huh?
- Charles Rutledge: You think?
- Christy Miller: Yeah, I guess so. Why don't you kiss me anyway, it's such a nice afternoon.
- Christy Miller: You're a shit! I for one am sick and tired, honey. Sick and tired. I'm not going to be one of your passive ladies trembling at the thought of you or to put up with any kind of maltreatment just for the glorious opportunity of spending a glorious night with you. Not once a week not once in a while not once in a blue moon, not by a long-shot honey, uh uh, no way.
- [kiss]
- Christy Miller: Unfortunately, honey you're some kisser... and you're very mean to me.
- John Russo: Very mean. What you need is a nice guy - who watches every set, has drinks waiting for you in the dressing room, rubs your feet at night, sprays your throat, tells you how terrific you are, makes eggs in the morning...
- Christy Miller: Are you coming tonight Johnny?
- John Russo: I'll try kid.
- Christy Miller: I know what that means.
- Angela Niotes: You're the singer - this is your show, isn't it? Hi, I'm Angela.
- Christy Miller: Hi, Angela, I'm Christy.
- Sam: Are you Christy Miller? No shit?
- Christy Miller: There's some dispute about that, honey, but thanks.
- Christy Miller: Well, Charles you are looking sexy today.
- Charles Rutledge: Really? Well I guess I'm running late.
- Christy Miller: Do you always look sexy when you're running late? I guess I'll have to keep you tardy.
- Christy Miller: Why don't you come up to my place Charles? I can't cook a thing but I know where everything is.
- Christy Miller: What do you think of these Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: Christy, where did you get those? Those are very unattractive shoes.
- Christy Miller: Well I hate them, Honey. I thought you liked them.
- Charles Rutledge: No, I was referring to these boots. Here try those on.
- Christy Miller: Anything you say Charles. I've got to get out of this dress. It does absolutely nothing for me.
- Arthur Brodsky: Chas. Remember?
- Charles Rutledge: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Arthur Brodsky: Chas. Remember?
- Charles Rutledge: I know, I know, I know.
- John Russo: Keep it right here, Sam.
- Sam: Sam who?
- John Russo: Well, what's your name?
- Sam: My name's Deborah.
- John Russo: That's why I called you Sam.
- Sam: It makes sense.
- Sam: You weird, like your friend with the beard?
- John Russo: [riding in Sam's cab] Me? Oh, no, Sam. Me? I'm a charmer. Get off up here.
- Sam: I'd like to.
- John Russo: Oh, Sam...
- Arthur Brodsky: Look at it this way, Chas, she's in pre-bop with her boyfriend. She's in post-bop with her husband. If she goes into post-bop with her boyfriend, she'll be - ah - she'll be in ex-bop with her husband. And if she's in ex-bop with her husband: the case is over, we get paid, and, well, then it's every man for himself.
- Charles Rutledge: Yeah, it's the post-bop with her boyfriend that worries me.
- Arthur Brodsky: Yeah, well, it's the post-bop with the boyfriend that worries everybody.
- Christy Miller: [singing] What's a country girl like me to do, I've been livin' with my foolish pride, And driven by the rain, But there's nothing in this city, But the heartbreak and the pain...
- John Russo: Yeah, bundling. A guy and a girl sleep in the same bed, but there's a board between them - a wooden board. He can see her. he can hear her breathe - but he can't touch her.
- Sam: What are they gonna do if they can't handle it?
- John Russo: They get splinters!
- John Russo: Sam, Sam, the ice cream man. How was your day, kid?
- Sam: I'm starving.
- John Russo: Yeah? What did you have in mind?
- Sam: I'm not particular.
- John Russo: Frozen pizza?
- Sam: Well, I am a little particular.
- John Russo: Yeah, well, I know a little French joint.
- Sam: Sounds chic.
- John Russo: Chic, it ain't.
- Charles Rutledge: Let me kiss her on the mouth.
- Arthur Brodsky: Oh, the husband's gonna like that one!
- Christy Miller: Charles, you certainly are the most impulsive man I've ever met!
- Charles Rutledge: Repulsive, did you say?
- Christy Miller: Im! Impulsive, Charles! I don't think you're repulsive at all!
- Amy Lester: We can handle the whole thing, Mr. Leondopolous.
- John Russo: They can handle the whole thing, Leon.
- Leon Leondopolous: Well, somebody handle something!
- Leon Leondopolous: Where in the hell are the reports on the Martin case?
- Charles Rutledge: Yes, well, it's been a little - hectic lately, Leon.
- Arthur Brodsky: We got 'em, Leon, they just ain't typed yet.
- Leon Leondopolous: Then we *don't* got 'em, Arthur. The typing isn't some middle-class bureaucratic curlicue.
- Leon Leondopolous: I'm on the narrow edge of a precipice - and even the smallest additional irritation could cause me to slip over into a gaping abyss - out of which I gravely doubt it would be possible for me to climb.
- [spills hot coffee on himself]
- Leon Leondopolous: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Holy Mother. Shit, that burns.
- Christy Miller: [singing] When was the last time? I'll bet its been too long, Back in the country...
- Christy Miller: That's alright, Charles. We don't have to *do* anything.
- Charles Rutledge: Why don't we just talk?
- Christy Miller: Of course! Why don't I give you a massage, Charles?
- Christy Miller: Do you feel my finger?
- Charles Rutledge: This is a little crazy, isn't it?
- Christy Miller: Yes. Feel my finger?
- Charles Rutledge: *Yes*. God.
- Christy Miller: What is it, Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: Feel my finger?
- Christy Miller: Oh, Charles...
- Angela Niotes: [kiss] Now you know why my husband has me followed. I am a brazen woman who cannot be trusted.
- John Russo: Mmm-hmm. I had another idea. Me - you reminded me of somebody I knew in school. My eighth-grade nun. I was in love with her. I'm sure she was in love with me, too. I waited for her to make the first move.
- Angela Niotes: Did she?
- John Russo: Just now.
- [kiss]
- Arthur Brodsky: Hey, Laura, I'll see you after work.
- Laura: Yeah? Fat chance.
- Arthur Brodsky: Better than none.
- Angela Niotes: Why do you call her Sam?
- John Russo: Because she doesn't look like a Deborah.
- Angela Niotes: Well, she doesn't look like a Sam.
- John Russo: She looks more like a Sam than a Deborah.
- Angela Niotes: Why don't you call me Steve?
- John Russo: Okay, Steve. But you, you look like an Angela. How is that, Angela? It means "angel," doesn't it?
- [kiss]
- Christy Miller: Why don't I give you a Touch Assist?
- Charles Rutledge: A what?
- Christy Miller: A Touch Assist.
- Charles Rutledge: A Touch Assist?
- Christy Miller: It'll relieve all your pressure, Charles. You'll feel like a cloud in pants.
- Charles Rutledge: A cloud in pants?
- Christy Miller: Come on!
- Charles Rutledge: What?
- Christy Miller: Well, you do have to lie down, Charles. Come on!
- Arthur Brodsky: Laura, you mind showing me and my son here some of those moves?
- Laura: I've got a hunch you know the moves.
- Jose: Love? Do you want love?
- Christy Miller: That's right, bright eyes. How old are you?
- Jose: Me? I'm nineteen.
- Christy Miller: You're not.
- Jose: I'll be twenty soon.
- Christy Miller: Mmm, well - there's no hurry, honey.
- Angela Niotes: Well, I must say you have a very good taste in women - which is more than can be said about my taste in men.
- John Russo: Uh-huh. Where does that leave me?
- Angela Niotes: Dangling miserably, I hope.