- Pat Kramer: The Strange, almost stranger than strange. Unbelievable story of Pat Kramer is the one that must be told. I know because unfortunately, I am Pat Kramer.
- [rewinds tape recorder and puts it on play]
- Pat Kramer: [Tape Recorder] The strange, almost stranger than strange...
- [stops tape recorder]
- Jeff Kramer: Hey Mom!
- Pat Kramer: I'm busy Jeff!
- Jeff Kramer: Mom, it's an emergency!
- Pat Kramer: Honey what is it? Jeff honey what is it?
- Jeff Kramer: [Jeff and friends taking pictures of Pat in front of her doll house] Say Cheese! Make believe there's a birdie there pose!
- Pat Kramer: Jeff, go to your room right now. And the rest of you off the furniture!
- [Slams Door]
- Pat Kramer: And what are you grinning at you big creep?
- [smacks the Stan doll to the floor and a glass breaking in the next room]
- Pat Kramer: Now, I am really mad.
- Beth Kramer: I'm taking mom to show and tell.
- Jeff Kramer: You are not! she's comin' with me! she's gonna do A LITTLE BAR OF SOAP and that's final!
- Pat Kramer: I am mad, I want everybody out of here right now.
- Pat Kramer: Please, won't you help me? You are so much kinder, than the others.
- Rob: Look, I only work here lady.
- Pat Kramer: Don't you know who I am? I'm the shrinking woman, I'm Pat Kramer.
- Rob: You're Pat Kramer's clone, the real Pat Kramer's dead.
- Pat Kramer: Dead?
- Rob: Deader, than a doornail.
- [Vance and Pat kiss each other but Vance kisses Pat on the forehead]
- Pat Kramer: [confused] Vance, our lips used to meet.