Flash Gordon

During the middle section of this movie, our hero 'Flash' Gordon, accompanied by Ornella "Most beautiful woman in the world" Muti, witnesses ex Bond Timothy Dalton giving ex Blue Peter presenter Peter Duncan the sweet merciful release of death by putting him to the(cardboard) sword (offscreen). "Its an initiation" purrs the shapely Muti, "I just love initiations".

This 1980 version of the perennial Saturday morning sci-fi cliffhanger is a feast for the senses. That is, if your senses crave lashings of junkfood. With an eye meltingly lurid palette of colours and rocktastic Queen soundtrack Flash Gordon was the perfectly overblown movie for the start of an overblown decade. The costumes are extravagantly cheesy, the effects farcical, the acting hilarious.

Almost every minor character was hammed up to perfection by the cream (or perhaps custard) of character actors of the time including such luminaries as Rocky Horrors Richard O Brien, Phillip "I corrected them" Stone from the Shining and the half-man, half-beast that is Brian Blessed.

The only minor flaw in this popcorn delight is the fact that it is, in almost every way - a terrible, awful movie - I HIGHLY recommend it.

Geez, I think my title summed up everything that needs to be said. "Flash Gordon" has all the sci-fi and action as "Star Wars" but blended with an unapologetic campiness and comic bookishness like the iconic 60s Batman series. Throw into the mix, um, QUEEN doing the soundtrack, and you've got yourself an experience that will never happen again.

You might be thinking the blend I just described is as ill-advised as putting pineapple on pizza (seriously does anyone really like that?), but actually the blend is perfect if we take a quick look at the decade that this film wraps up, the 70s. The 70s was the decade of the rock opera: The Who's "Tommy", the doo-wopper "Grease", Motown's "The Wiz", the punkish "Rocky Horror" and bunches of others that swept the box office. While "Flash Gordon" isn't a musical, as defined by characters breaking out into song & dance, the vibe of the movie spells rock opera with a capital Rock. In plain terms this means a very tongue-in-cheek, over-the-top, theatrical and colorful spectacle that is not to be taken as a straightforward drama. If you can grasp that concept, I guarantee you'll love this flick.

The plot? Who cares. Something about saving the universe, I'm sure. But it doesn't matter because, like a good roller coaster ride, or like a good adventurous vacation, we don't care how it's mapped out. We just get a thrill out of each individual twist & turn, each scene, each surprise, and all the while we're taking mental notes of all the horribly awesome lines we can quote to our friends and annoy them for months afterwards.

A serious note about the acting. This production drew the talents of some of the finest actors of stage & screen, and for them to be able to play such campy characters is a testament to their true expertise. I'm talking dramatic & Shakespearean legends like Brian Blessed, Max von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, not to mention the incomparable personality of Topol (Fiddler on the Roof) and the show-stealing, sexually repressed Ornella Muti as the Emperor's daughter--whose mere presence would've kicked the MPAA rating from PG to PG-13 if that designation had existed back then. Even if you don't recognize any of these people, you'll find each one of them to be unforgettable.

"Flash Gordon" is a film that has no equal. You could say it's a distant cousin to 1968's "Barbarella" (another wtf experience that shouldn't be missed), but really it's beyond compare. So hurry up and see this movie ...you only have 14 hours to save the earth!

American football star Flash Gordon (Sam Jones), scientist Hans Zarkov (Topol), and pretty estate agent Dale Arden (Melody Anderson) are blasted to the farthest reaches of space to fight Ming the Merciless (Max Von Sydow), the tyrannical ruler of Mongo, who has been subjecting The Earth to a series of violent attacks in the form of freak weather conditions and terrible catastrophes.

Featuring blond pretty boy Sam Jones in the title role, some of the most garish costumes in the history of cinema, cheesy dialogue galore, a catchy pop/rock soundtrack by Queen, poorly constructed props (and a few rather suggestive looking ones), marvellously hammy performances from a fine collection of cult character actors (including Department S's Richard Wyngarde, Rocky Horror's Richard O'Brien and good old Brian Blessed), and spectacularly ropey special effects (all wires clearly visible), Flash Gordon is quite possibly the most gleefully daft, over-the-top, knowingly tacky, and outrageously flamboyant sci-fi film ever made.

Don't be put off by the fact that the film is perfect for a themed night at the local gay bar, though—Flash Gordon might be camper than a row of tents, as the saying goes, but there really is something for everyone but the most joyless of movie pedants: we get fantastical floating worlds that predate those in Avatar by three decades, there's pet dwarfs, crazy laser battles, a whip-wielding dominatrix, assorted sexy bints in skimpy outfits, and even a little 'gore' (both Ming and his henchman Klytus meet nasty fates)—PLUS for every shot of our hero in a tight T-shirt or leather hot-pants, we get several of the gorgeous Ornella Muti (as Ming's sultry daughter Princess Aura) in her figure hugging red catsuit, easily rivalling Buck Rogers' Erin Gray in the sexy Spandex stakes. Melody Anderson as Dale isn't exactly ugly either, and also gets to wear some very revealing get-ups.

Hell, even Blue Peter fans are catered for, with '80s presenter Peter Duncan appearing as a tree dweller whose hand is attacked by a slimy vacuum cleaner bag with a poisonous sting in its tail. Now that's what I call entertainment!

Yes, the plot is silly, yes the dialogue is cheesy and yes, some of the special effects are badly done, but nonetheless it is great fun. Like Rocky Horror Picture Show, Congo and Jingle All the Way, Flash Gordon is a sort of guilty pleasure of mine. The costumes are quite extravagant and the sets are exotic. Then you have an irresistibly killer soundtrack from Queen, who also brought us the classics We Will Rock You and Bohemian Rhapsody. The direction is pretty good and the acting is surprisingly great. Sam J Jones is bad with his cheesiness but he was fun besides, thank goodness he wasn't bland like Justin Whalin from Dungeons and Dungeons, and Melody Anderson is charming and alluring as Dale. Brian Blessed is very hammy as Vultran but he is great fun regardless and Topol, who was so superb in Fiddler on the Roof, is memorable as Dr Hans Zarkov. And while Ornella Muti is a wonderfully witty and sexy Princess Aura, it is Max Von Sydow who walks away with the picture, pantomime of course but sinister as well and I appreciated that. Overall, not perfect and camp personified, but very enjoyable. 7/10 Bethany Cox

In 1980, science fiction was undergoing a revival of sorts. Some would argue that it is unfortunate that the science fiction appearing on the big screens of the time were more action-oriented than dramatic in nature. Flash Gordon came at a time when audiences were being trained to expect more and more from their films, with budgets skyrocketing and effects becoming progressively more important than the story. It is therefore somewhat disheartening to see reviewers focusing on how camp or low-fi they perceive it to be. Camp, low-budget, low-fi it is, but it has something that Episode 2 of Star Wars in particular didn't. Namely, it has the ingredients of a rollicking good time. From the awesome soundtrack by Queen to the near-ridiculous action sequences, Flash Gordon is almost the last hurrah in an era where filmmakers were expected to spend at least as much time on script and dialogue as they do eye candy. What makes it all the more interesting is that beyond the basic setup, there almost is no story to speak of.

Beginning with a POV shot from some distant planet, we see how the world we take for granted is suddenly subjected to all sorts of destructive weather patterns by its Emperor. Emperor Ming has decided to shift the orbit of the moon in order to make it collide with Earth, leaving a handful of days before all life on the planet is destroyed. Not one to take this kind of thing lying down, a scientist by the name of Hans Zarkov is busily building a rocket so that he might go to the source of the attacks and reason with them. Coincidentally, a plane carrying football star Flash Gordon and some girl called Dale Arden crash into Zarkov's lab. Tricking them into boarding his rocket, Zarkov takes them on a brief trip to a world so barren one wonders where they find the liquid to sustain themselves. Taken captive and escorted to the Emperor, our heroes bear witness to a society in which Lords of several moons pay tribute to said Emperor. With their lives, if need be. The real fun begins when Ming takes an interest in Dale.

Interest is putting it mildly. In a classic script oversight, Ming decides within a moment of first seeing her that he wants Dale to do with as he will. Flash is naturally not one to take such things lying down, so he begins attacking Ming's guards with a series of offensive football-style strikes. This gets the attention of several Lords who have been awaiting the right moment to overthrow Ming, but the fight is lost before it has begun, for obvious reasons. Overpowered, Flash is sentenced to execution, and thus the first of many bondage-like outfits is seen. I am not one to cry out "gay" when I see two men express a powerful bond, but several people I have watched the film with now agree that Flash Gordon has one of the biggest gay, or S&M, themes going in 1980s film. Not that this is particularly important, but the amount of leather underwear and tights on display would have made the Village People blush. Of course, this is all just one adult subtext that will go right over the head of the children in the audience.

One commendable feature of Flash Gordon is the death scenes. Aiming a film at children and dispatching characters in a violent fashion is always a tricky business. This adaptation gets around the issue by showing the alien creatures melting after they are killed. The manner in which this is filmed would probably get Flash Gordon a more restrictive rating if it were released for the first time today. It reminds me in part of a description in Repo Man. Eyes, skin, even bones melt in a manner that tells us how alien the villains are in a way that all the prosthetics in the world cannot. Roger Ebert was right on the money when he wrote that Flash Gordon "is cheerfully willing to look as phony as it is". That he didn't mean it as a criticism shows that he got what the film was about. During action sequences, it assaults the senses and almost bullies the viewer into forgetting that what they are seeing is anything but real. During extended moments of dialogue, it flat out orders you to not take it seriously.

Making it all the funnier is that producer Dino De Laurentiis, that famed bankrupt-wannabe, thought the whole story was serious. As director Mike Hodges phrased it, anyone who watches the film will find that factoid "rather curious". Sam Jones is absolutely terrible as the titular hero, and yet it works because a certain idiocy is what the character requires. Really, the whole thing reeks of being rushed into production, and then rushed to theatre screens, which probably sealed its financial doom. Hodges apparently had to work with a crew whose language he did not speak, with a script that wasn't finished, and no storyboards to boot. Having seen the finished product on DVD after all these years, I have to confess that my respect for Hodges has gone right through the roof in light of this. Forget Flash - Hodges is the one who can rightfully claim to be king of the impossible. Anyway, when all is said and done, Flash Gordon is representative of the direction cinema might well have been better off taking.

For these reasons and more, I gave Flash Gordon circa 1980 a seven out of ten. Excitement and adventure always beat a big budget, as this film proves.