- [first lines]
- Caligula: I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Gaius Caligula, I am all men as I am no man and therefore I am a God.
- [Caligula stands in front of a large pile of documents he's about to put his stamp on]
- Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
- [stamps document, servant removes it from the pile]
- Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... senate... and...
- [browses through the large pile of documents]
- Caligula: the people of Rome.
- [Stamps document, servant removes it from pile]
- Caligula: . I, Caligula Caesar,
- [starts speaking faster]
- Caligula: command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
- [stamps]
- Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
- [stamps]
- Caligula: [speaking much faster] I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
- [speaking almost unintelligible, stamps between each repeat]
- Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. Rome! Rome! Rome! Caesar! Caesar! Rome! Rome! Rubbish! Rubbish!
- [calms down]
- Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
- [stamps, looks at servant]
- Caligula: No wonder life's so dull!
- Nerva: Tiberius, you were wise once.
- Tiberius: Don't taunt me! I am old.
- Nerva: I've watched you grow into a monster! One by one, I've seen you murder your whole family, your friends, the noblest men in Rome.
- Caligula: That is treason!
- Nerva: No, it's the truth.
- Tiberius: I am and always have been surrounded by enemies. In my own family, in the senate... You are cruel!
- Nerva: Honest old men can sometimes see the future. So, from the evils past, and the evils yet to come, I now choose to escape.
- [seeing Nerva has cut his wrists]
- Tiberius: Cretins... why did you permit him to do it?
- [to two slaves looking on]
- Tiberius: Bind his wrists... BIND HIS WRISTS!
- [to Nerva]
- Tiberius: You must not go, you must not leave me, you are my friend, my only friend.
- Nerva: I've lived too long, Tiberius, I hate my life.
- Tiberius: [to the two slaves] Leave us! Both of you!
- Nerva: The man to choose the hour of his own death is the closest he will ever come to tricking fate. And fate decrees that when you die, Macro will kill me.
- Tiberius: I'll arrest him, have him executed!
- Nerva: You can't, he controls you. Anyway, even with Macro dead,
- [looking at Caligula]
- Nerva: how could I go on living with this... reptile?
- Tiberius: [to Caligula] You will respect my friend always, won't you, reptile?
- [Caligula is raping Livia]
- Caligula: Open your EYES, Livia! Lucky girl... to lose one's virginity to a direct descendent of the goddess... I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... Open your eyes, Proculus! Command in the name of the senate-OPEN THEM!-the senate, and the people of... Rome!
- Tiberius: Rome is a republic and you and I are playing citizens. More confection. That's the best of my stallions. Serve the state, Caligula, although the people in it are wicked beasts.
- Tiberius: Another brother is enough envy. Brother kills a brother who's killed his father who's killed his son.
- Tiberius: Oh, yes, I am a true moralist, and stern as any Cato. Fate chose me to govern swine, in my old age, I have become a swineherd.
- [Caligula is having a nightmare about Tiberius]
- Tiberius: A brother kills a brother who's killed his father who's killed his son. Fate. And then someone will kill Caligula!
- Chaerea: [at an empty battlefield] There is no enemy.
- Caligula: There is papyrus cane!
- Chaerea: Papyrus cane, divine Caesar?
- Caligula: Yes, papyrus! Don't be so stupid, Chaerea! Order my army to attack and destroy that papyrus!
- Chaerea: Yes, lord.
- Caligula: After all, we must have some proof that I conquered Britain!
- [breaks out laughing]
- [last lines]
- [the bloodied Caligula is dying after Chaerea strikes him on his head with a sword]
- Caligula: [insanely whimpering] I... live!
- Nerva: When I am gone, Caligula will kill you. And then, someone will kill Caligula. Unless he is dead, before I am.
- [Nerva is dying]
- Caligula: Nerva, what's it like?
- Nerva: Warm, no pain... just drifting away.
- Caligula: Can you see her?
- Nerva: Who?
- Caligula: The goddess, Isis?
- Nerva: So you're one of those who believe...
- Caligula: Do you see her?
- Nerva: No.
- Caligula: Are you sure? You're almost dead! What's it like, what's happening to you now?
- Nerva: Slowly... drifting... like sleep...
- Caligula: Liar... you can see her, I know you can! What is she like?
- Nerva: No... Slowly...
- Caligula: LIAR!
- Tiberius: When Rome was just a city and we were just citizens, we're known to one another. And we were frugal, good, disciplined and dignified. The Romans I rule are not like we were. They lust for power and pleasure. Money the wives of other men.
- Tiberius: Every senator believes himself to be a potential Caesar, therefore every senator is guilty of treason. In thought, if not indeed.The Senate is the natural enemy of any Caesar, Little Boots.They offer to prove any law I made before I made it. I said: 'What if I go mad? What then?' No answer. They were born to be slaves.
- Tiberius: I know everything that is said and done. And thought. The setting sun and the rising moon. Gemellus, lovely boy. And too young to betray me. Perhaps not too young.
- Caligula: You took an antidote before coming to my table. Which is tantamount to accusing me of poisoning you.
- Caligula: Is it true that there is a conspiracy against me, Longinus?
- Longinus: Eh... well, lord... that is... I mean... It seems there is a secret plot.
- Caligula: A plot is always a secret, if it's not a secret, not a plot or a plan. That is logical, is it not, Claudius? Even a half-wit can know that and you are a half-wit.